on Sept 11, 2001 the taliban won the war on terror...Happy 4th of July...

 

the seed was planted that day. fear. 

fear is incredibly powerful. once you instill fear in people they will spin themselves out of control. it was all they really had to do. the rest was on us.  we have been self imploding ever since that day. 

why is our society so desperately clinging to guns. our society chooses guns over actual lives over and over.  why? fear.  

more shootings on the 4th.  many, like myself really didn't do anything to celebrate.  it doesn't feel like a celebration this year. it feels fake, surreal. 

7 killed at a parade.  a toddler wandering around after both of his parents were mowed down by a chicken shit white guy. that is what it is really. the white guys and their gals are terrified. they will lose their power in this world. a power that many of them only thought they had. the real power was in the white guys/gals with money.  the poor whites and middle class whites defend these people because they are fools who believe that is them, if they only work hard enough. they see themselves as the wealthy white rich guys, they just haven't gotten there yet...trickle down, trickle down, trickle down. it's mostly a fools gold scenario....and many fools have  bought into it all.

i do realize that fear has taken hold in more than the white segment of the population, but look at these trump cult followers.  they are predominately white. they wanted someone who played the role of bad ass who was going to protect and defend them.  they chose trump.  the funny thing is trump is probably more afraid of the boogie man than many of them even are.  he hides behind weapons. he hid behind the cloak of an office.  he wouldn't have to do anything but scream obscenities. he would always be protected by a staff and a gang of loyal followers. 

as a lifetime grifter it was the perfect role.  he could play bad ass despite all the terror inside of him. 

fear. i always say.  ignorance leads to fear and fear leads to hate and hate and fear are so easy to manipulate. 

i still have no idea how this all ends for us as a nation. it no doubt gets much worse before it gets better. 

for years i've seen this as a last stand as well for a world that is no longer available to many of these people.  a world that worked for them in a small segment of time and space.  only they neglect to accept that the world that worked so well for them worked poorly for so many others. they do know though.  really, deep inside of them.  which is why they fear so much losing their status as the dominant race.  they know what evils were done to others and they are terrified that the pay back is coming around. 

they don't want that history taught in schools because they know they will be the minority and they don't want the current minority reminded of the cruelty that existed. 

all the taliban had to do was flip that switch that was already there.  our nation has battled racism since the beginning. it's always been there. brewing.  now ignorance/fear/hate are destroying those who are ignorant/in fear and filled with hate. 

they were willing to give up their rights to inflict pain on others by taking away their rights.  Roe was never about the fetus in truth. it was about freedom. freedom to make your own private decisions about your own body...without government interference. the right happily gave up those freedoms to "own the libs". why, hatred and fear. 

many, who are kind and decent at base, have been sucked into this political football battle of the fetus. not realizing that the people they vote for and support could care less about the fetus, they want to take your freedom.  

how do we all know that? because they could care less about that same fetus the second it takes a breath.  as soon as it takes a breath it is the result of parents that they fear and hate. they hate the poor, they twist the facts to get the vote of the poor often times but in truth the GOP hates the poor. trump has always despised those he viewed as beneath him. their only value was in their ability to adore him.  clearly something he wanted desperately.  a following, a crowd. 

so here we are.  a nation of constant shootings where the shooters gave more rights than the ones they shoot. where the guns are revered over the lives lost.  where those who protect the guns and the shooters try to convince you they love the fetus of every pregnant female, even as they hate the vector carrying the fetus. because that is all we are, a vector. 

why do they want these fetuses brought forth from misery oftentimes? canon fodder? every nation needs some sort of military and ours is huge.  a very large chunk of our tax dollars goes, not to the people, but to the gun as it were.  the military is huge and in order to have a huge military you need the foot soldiers who will bravely carry weapons into war, often at their own demise. for sure the rich, white guys and their kids are not going to want to do this job.  so they need others, poor, with few options to do all the jobs they do not want for themselves or any of their progeny.  

i am not sure it's that clear and calculating but some days i do wonder.  

i find myself angry at those who continue to support and vote for these racist jerks. who vote/elect and support people who do nothing for our fellow citizens but instead cling to fear and hate and are seeming to systematically destroy our nation for their own benefit and power.  

angry at those who blindly follow, refuse to even listen to any facts that they think may possibly make them question things.  people need and want to be right.  they do not want to discover that trump and his pack were nothing more than grifters who tricked them out of their dignity and money.  who tricked them into believing nonsense. what else will they have to question is it turns out they were duped by this orange fool trump? who else has tricked them, played them?

one night down, one night to go. i continue on my lazy summer.  enjoying the sunshine for the most part.  it was partly cloudy the other day so i headed off to Hatchers Pass and walked up Gold Cord lake.  it's not a long walk or really difficult but there are some boulders and some drops.  with Ivy's knee i always worry...my knee as well. 

last night was another crazy one.  staffing is short. the hospital apparently has cut travel contracts short or tried to just alter their contracts to be for less money so many just bolted.  thanks. 

my one patient was super sick and we were busy getting the patient prepped to go back to cath lab for a balloon pump.  i don't take care of those so my assignment was changed as soon as she left.  i hadn't had a chance to really see my second, stable patient.  the guy who took over had the guy previously, i think we all have so he just took over. i got two new patients. 

it was steady, busy at first.  both were dirty and both needed baths.  so i whipped those out and got things back as they should be.  not sure where i'll be tonight.  perhaps back in the ICU. 

where did i work last week.  hmm. amazing how quickly i forget.  RCU and ICU for sure...wait.  i think so. i know one night was a cluster. i was sent to CICU, they didn't need me in the end as a nurse showed up to work that they hadn't written down.  so i was sent to ICU.  they didn't need me so i sat at desk and contacted to house sup to see where i should go. i called and they hung up as i was about to tell them where i was.  i waited. i had my cell phone they would call. 

20 minutes later, no call. so i figured they'd forgotten about me.  they were apparently looking all over for me and calling my home phone repeatedly?  as i headed to Peds everyone was all the house sup is looking for you. when i got to Peds i was told i was actually needed in PICU. so i clocked in to 4 places before the day was done. i got my two patient assignment and got to work.  within a few hours i was told i would be giving up that assignment and taking a different PICU assignment.  in the end, i discharged that kid at 6 am and was home in bed before my shift was up. crazy nights at the norm. 

played in the yard with the dogs and then just felt like writing. maybe with the privacy issues going away i should write that book without concerns for HIPPA violations. haha. how can they uphold HIPPA if they won't give women privacy over their own bodies. 

i was told last night i was a bit of a baby whisperer. things improved every time i was near. i have a good aura. 

the pup and Ivy on the new Tusker blanket.  it's on there now. love it. 

spills at the ceremonial start of the Iditarod in Anchorage.

and below is the restart. the pictures get all mixed up.  

as i said, i have no idea how far we fall and how much of this nation crumbles before we begin to pick ourselves back up.  i hope that the end result is a stronger, more unified and more inclusive nation.  i feel like this is the last hurrah of those who long for a time that only existed for the some. 

there are many flaws in our current nation.  weakness, fear, selfishness are just the starts. many would say that is because Jesus is not a primary player in many lives. i would say it's because a bastardized Jesus has become a major player in many lives.  a religion that no longer is based on any teachings of Jesus but instead on the power play by evangelicals who use the words God and Jesus to their own end. 

they scream from the pulpits in order to illicit fear and hatred and push their twisted agenda forward. 

the actual God is not likely to look kindly on churches hoarding cash and not helping the needy. if there is a God at all. who knows.  in these times i see it as less and less likely that there is some supreme being who will make everything right one day. 

it always seems more of a sign of courage to be kind and decent for the sake of humanity rather than out of some religious fear or obligation. 

Sunny Boy no longer grinds his teeth. i'm guessing it was anxiety.  the fireworks passed with minimal damage. the dogs barked a bit. i just put on a DVD of the Big Bang theory loudly and fell asleep. drowned out those fireworks. 

will keep you posted on my views of what happens in the coming months and years, if i exist.  not that many listen or read or do more than look at the photo's.  this is my means of venting so that i don't go ape shit on people who are being complete fear filled fools at this point.  i just have zero patience anymore really. 

so many furs at fur rondy every year. that is just how it is up here. 

left an offering in the snow at the Iditarod restart in Willow.

it's not the same without our boy Tusker...my heart still has a wound from the loss of Blossom and Rio Catalina and Baby Huey and Butch....they live on always though in my heart. 

DeeDee has stopped running the race but she's always involved still. 

the snow will return again soon enough.  we are past solstice. 

thankful for A. the lucky life i have had based on a privilege i wasn't aware i had. B. the pets who always bring me peace and love C. walking, writing and all the other things that distract me from the mess that is our current nation.