reboot...re-install...begin anew...

 

had a few days where i was a bit of a slug. the dogs got walked but not much else happened. 

thankful that i have the opportunity to have lazy/reboot days.  i feel guilty and have anxiety about doing nothing but in the end. i think if that is what my body and brain need, well, then so be it. 

i woke up today feeling a bit more like myself again. laziness is a luxury. 

these are from my friends trip north last summer. she is in Ireland/Scotland right now i think. 

i have the ever present to do list to tackle. i try to get a wee bit done each day.  the list grows though so as long as i don't get too far behind.  i really hate committing myself to things even if they are things i enjoy. not sure why that is.  general anxiety/social anxiety/introvert...introvert does not mean you hate people or are afraid of people, it just means that even if you enjoy people you are worn out by the social experience. 

i took a short walk on the glacier, my friend went further.  while she walked i made the heart of ashes and left the rock behind. next time i go it will be with another dogs ashes added to the mix. was looking at old photo's this morning. another friend lost a dog so i was looking at photo's to add to a project for her. all the pups in the old photo's are gone now. 

a great reminder of all the fun activities i have done with my friends over the years. many great adventures. i am one pretty lucky person to have been able to experience so much. much i couldn't have done without all the amazing adventure partners. hopefully, those adventures are not done yet. covid has put a damper on my adventuring as have my knees and probably the anxiety. you gotta move past the hurdles of life and live without too much fear. 

have not liked having fear and anxiety these past few years. it's not how i live my life generally.  i do feel like it's been a time of trial but also of growth.  that is how life works. it's the times that are rough that bring you the most clarity and joy really.  you have to have trials to overcome to know your worth and your strength.  

things that had power over me no longer have that power. i had hopes for people and assumptions really i think. in the end you have to accept that some people are in your life for a period of time and then they move on to other people and other things.  even if they are blood, that doesn't promise a life time. they are there still but i have come to accept the limits of many of those relationships.  no anger, no blame, just more of an acceptance. 

i figured out years ago that if a guy isn't doing the things that he should be doing that show he cares about you, well, then he never will and doesn't really want to and you should move on. i think that can be tougher to let go of with friends or family but in the end..."he's just not that into you" is not just for boyfriends. you have to accept the limitations of some relationships.  accept what they are willing to be to you and what they aren't willing to be. 

i've always been a person that once i detach emotionally, i detach. really no going back. 

people become independent for a reason. often it's because they had to.  they had to depend on themselves and they learned not to wait for others to help them of fix things or carry things. i was always surprised that men didn't know what to do with an independent female who didn't need them but just wanted them.  i guess many men just need to feel needed.  the hero. it takes a strong guy to be able to stick with a woman who doesn't need them.  

i always see men as being overly confident in many ways. perhaps that is just how they are supposed to appear and many of them do not feel like that at all internally.  society expects them to be strong and perhaps that means they can never let on that they feel weak. we are expected to be weak and can't let on that we are strong. 

different day, different glacier.  this one below is Spencer Glacier. went here one fall day...lots of bugs but it was super pretty. perhaps next year. catch one of the last trains out there and see what color is out there.

today i got out to Kincaid. on the drive in there was a moose and her calf, on the way out a male moose had joined them. he was working his way over to the female. the rut is happening. 

Ivy has been more sore on her non-surgical leg of late.  i have given her pain meds in the evening as needed. it doesn't impact her play time though. 

rained quite a bit yesterday so i was super lazy. i did eventually take the dogs out for a leash walk in the neighborhood.  they did great until the last few seconds. i had seen my neighbor walk her dogs from the other direction and i thought she went inside.  the dogs were out and loose.  Sunny and Ivy booked for them. i couldn't see them and they pulled out of my grip. the neighbors dogs growled and barked...thankfully, it wasn't more than that though. until then, training went well.

the day before i did the Campbell Airstrip and took extra treats to work on recalls and keeping him close. the yellows and reds are also coming in nicely.  

once again, all my thoughts of doing a road trip failed. time to just put stuff away. if the tides aren't just right, Homer won't be much fun.  too dark for too long these days. we shall see. 

there is the to do list to get to before the winter really sets in. 

can't believe how much he has changed in such a short time. amazing how quickly we fall in love with these sweet furs.  i'm both over protective and not protective enough i guess. he's a bit of a chaser.  at some point you can't protect them from everything.  it's a balance between giving them freedom and an amazing life and preventing them from stuff in hopes nothing bad ever happens to them.  the idea of them getting hurt of killed stresses me out.  

however, in the end, i'd rather them have a full and fun life even if it's shortened...Tusker lived a full life and i don't think there is much i could have done with what happened to him. you just never know what is in any of us that could limit our days.  best to live life for each day. dog or human. 

these two are still finding their relationship.  i'll wake with them snuggled together or i'll find Sunny chasing Covi. 

crazy stuff happening in the world.  protests...Iran's morality police appear to have caused the death of a young woman who they determined wasn't wearing her hajib right. so murder i guess over having your hair show. many are cutting off their hair and protesting. this is what happens when you allow theocracies. this is what many want in our nation. they want to force their religious views on everyone else. they want to make this a Christian nation and then force everyone to abide by rules that Jesus would not want.  they have lost their collective minds.  gone down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories. 

in his desperation to not end up being held responsible for the things he has done, the orange Jesus wannabee is embracing the Q conspiracy crack addicts. at a rally the other day it looked very hitleresque. disturbing 

the noose is also tightening around putin.  he's not doing well in Ukraine and Ukraine has been able to liberate some of the area's russia had taken over...sadly this also means they are finding more atrocities and more mass graves and more signs of rape and torture. desperate people are capable of even more and more horrific things.  

not too surprising, covid relief funds were taken illegally and so over 40 have been charged with fraud. i hope they get every one who takes money from the poor to give to the rich. they apparently set up a fake feed the children scam.  

the special master that trumps lawyers requested has told them they can't have their cake and eat it too. trump has yet to ever explain why he had these documents, highly classified.  he keeps changing the story. he didn't have any documents, he gave them all back, he declassified them all...he's shown no proof that he declassified anything. they refuse to say whether he did or didn't.  sadly, the judge is a trump appointee and many of his appointed judges do seem to be political pawns.  how does that freak show get loyalty from these fools?  

russia is running out of money...interestingly, this also means that the DNC is short on cash as russia has been suppling them with cash for years...also trump has been swindling his followers for cash...that goes right to trump and he's not officially running for anything...so it's all his. he does better not running...financially anyway.  those idiots have been sending their hard earned cash to religious swindlers for years, now it goes to the orange jesus...that is how a GOP member called him. 

big storms this week.  Puerto Rico is again without power.  big storms also hit the west coast of Alaska.  not as much attention.  our state rarely gets too much mention. flooding.  there is not much to prevent the water up in those parts.  flat. doubt biden will be tossing paper towels. 

hoping the governors of florida and texas will get in trouble for this last stunt.  they are luring asylum seekers onto buses/planes and then dumping them in blue states in an attempt to "own the libs".  this is the party of the GOP. it's a party of hate and vengeance. they want to do anything and everything they can to piss off libs. of course the libs that these folks were dumped on immediately gave food, love and shelter to them.  i'm sure the Dems would love to make all those immigrants vote for Dems over Gop.  seems a foolish move in the long term.  

Covid Cat left a rather large dead shrew in the living room. always a pleasant thing to wake up and find. i guess it's good that nobody eats it and i'm sure my neighbor appreciates the good mousing skills. 

not sure what i'll do tomorrow.  i had debated a run to Hope today but as i drove it looked like the pass was going to be super wet and the other side looked pretty wet as well. i drove as far as Girdwood and then headed home. 

he's still a snuggler. so sweet.

post bath. he is for sure due for another bath.  do i let his hair grow out for the winter? not sure. he looks super cute no matter the cut it seems. 

some lights from the back yard one day. 

no ice yet on the beaches but it won't be too long now.

he's so much taller than her now. 

have had fun these last few nights using an app to switch some pictures to look painted.  

not sure about the calendar cover. i may just fill it with photo's of rocks i've painted. 

i usually just toss it together. doesn't take too long.  the photo loading takes the longest. i need to get the big camera out and look at all the photo's from this summer.  plenty on there and i haven't even bothered looking at them yet.  

better crash, it's almost midnight.  thankful for A. the life that allows lazy days when my brain needs to go into recovery mode. B. fall colors. C. drives to clear my head.