another solstice. bring on the light!

 

will see if i can listen to music tonight while i type. 

like to see the outdoor lights in the snow this time of year. they are mostly holiday themed so i prefer to catch these walks outside before the holiday.  perks up the season for me. 

every year as a singleton is different for me.  some years i will feel sad or depressed or lonely. most years, i think i do pretty good at just enjoying the solitude and simplicity of the season. it's far too overblown at this point. 

worked my stretch so now i get time off again. over Christmas. this stretch...worked PICU, ICU, cardiac surgery unit, then ER holds and pcu this week.  happy to be off.  

alcoholics trying to hide their alcohol.  it's a pretty sad disease. many young people lost to drugs and alcohol.  this life is pretty precious. too many live it for the next life or waste it all lost to drugs or alcohol.  

thought the other day how happy i am that i do not concern myself with all the sins i may be committing at any given moment.  religion brings guilt and shame to you daily it seems. i'd say moving to Alaska and leaving the church i was raised in are some of the best choices i made. freedom, beauty, adventure.  all because i took that road less traveled. 

the snow continued and i really spent the last stretch off just shoveling/snowshoeing and then crashing.  haha. the Element was started daily as i dug it out but after the snow fell in heaps the temperatures dropped to 15 below zero. so it's battery finally gave up.  so i can charge it up.  it did warm a big today.  still a bit buried and i think the windshield wipers may have given up too. 

i met my friend from Hawaii for dinner sunday night and then decided to just head to Kincaid for the lights on the trail for solstice. i'm more of a solstice person than a mary had a virginal birth person. that has evolved over the years. i believe the stories of the bible less and less as being anything more than stories. not really a greatly sourced history text. it also contains a great deal of violence and death among other things. fear has for generations been used to control citizens. the devil figure really didn't exist in the book until much later.  they needed a stronger fear tactic to get people. 

it was subzero that night but quite a few folks came out.  i just zipped through the hike on my own.  snapping photos on the phone and quickly tucking my hands back into my gloves and pockets.

Monday we attempted the tree decorating.  we were somewhat successful. my tying wasn't as successful as previous years. then we had to contend with cold temperatures and a thin trail. if you step off trail you sink in a few feet into the snow. so we had to adapt our plans a bit. 

these are up in Hatchers Pass with my friend CR who came up last year. 

tonight i hit the zoo lights with KR. a group had been trying to arrange a time to all go together. in the end i basically bowed out so they could go guilt free while i was working.  i don't really always require a group and i know others are more social than me. when i went to get my tickets, it turned out the dates they wanted to go the lights weren't open. 

tomorrow we'll hit the botanical gardens for their lights and illuminaries. 

Christmas is fast approaching. it's been a good season so far.  less stress than the past few years between the loss of Tusker and covid. 

Happy Solstice...we are in limbo this week and then the days start to get a wee bit longer each day.  yippee. i was at work for solstice proper. it was cold out there. 

a family member told me they had spoken to some guy at Home Depot about end of life cares...guy seems to believe all will be well. i must have acted right because she was very grateful for my kindness...i was laughing my arse off in side. acting is part of nursing and medicine in general. some of the crazy stuff we deal with each shift. acting like crap is crazy, mad, stupid. acting like everything is okay as you have just gone into v-tach. 

a few memorial rocks that i took to Homer this spring/summer. 

life has carried on as it always does. it was a few sad days/weeks remembering Tusker. taking a different dog to Homer now.  Sunny Boy fits his name perfectly.  he has brought some sunshine into the darkness that was left when Tusker passed. 

such an amazing sea star.  it's the only one like it i've ever found. 

Monday i need to get up and try to input my own schedule for the coming schedule. before i was spoiled and then would input it.  it's back to me again.  those here 10+ years at prov will have the day before to put in our schedule. we shall see. 

no plans for Christmas eve/day.  a little gathering for boxing day so that will be fun. i did buy a turkey so it's thawing. hopefully i can cook that up one of those days.  i do have memories tied in with the foods of these holidays and like to make them.  make them how Mom used to make them. we are often connected to loved ones by the foods we always ate. 

the peace i have has been helpful. expectations are generally a bad thing to have as they just lead to disappointment.  best to just live without them.  each day, each moment. people are often there in certain times of our lives when we need them or they need us.  we move through people that way as they move through us. things are generally not as personal as we take them.  still frustrating at times. 

feels personal when people you were once connected to disconnect, often without warning.  worse people you think you are supposed to be connected to through out life.  it just doesn't work that way all the time though. i'm sure i've disconnected without really realizing the wake i may have left behind.  

love the super long shadows of this time of years. the sun just comes over the horizon for a bit.  

i love the drama of this place. the constant changes in light and temperature and scenery. 

i suppose i like some of that at work as well. the craziness can push me to the limits but it is also somehow tantalizing i suppose.  

really happy in many ways i have gone to part time. that one extra day off really helps me mentally. i know i should be working my arse off to pay off stuff or whatever. i just can't really bring myself to do it though. probably can work longer if i do less. 

it's always finding ways to extend and survive  

will be happy to crawl into bed tonight.  still want to hit a pet shop and get some prezzies for the dogs to open Christmas.  it's always so much fun.  not sure if Sunny will have figured it out.  Ivy helped him open his Birthday prezzies this year. 

i thought i would keep his hair long and doodle my poodle.  this haircut just works with his personality. he's a poodle. i think it's been an added therapy for me to be doing all the grooming on him. who knew that could be so calming.

maybe we will head to one of the coastal places to walk tomorrow then hit the pet shop after. shouldn't be too crazy busy on a friday. 

i imagine there will be loads of last minute shoppers out there this whole week.  

have done really well on my abbreviated intermittent fasting these past weeks.  who knows if it will pay off.  we shall see. really just want to be more fit so i can do the things i love doing for as long as i can as i go through this aging thing.  

always trying to get the sunset to hit right in the curl of his tail 

more ashes...need to carry some around to put on top of this snow.

maybe i'll write a few blogs this week and not be so lazy, then i can get into the meat of life as we know it. haha. 

in the meantime. i shall sleep a deep, well earned slumber tonight. 

this is my short day for eating as i don't finish my fast until 2 pm and then start again at 10:30/11.  i forgot to eat after my 12 hour fast last night and was at the dog park...so that 12 hour fast became closer to a 14 hour fast and then i only had 6 hours to eat today.  finding the hunger pangs break off and i just get on with activities most of the time.  mostly, just hoping to curtail some of the bored/late night eating type stuff and hope that the decreased calories and increasing my activity will help me get in better shape. 

well i guess i shall meander off to bed. happy to hear Zelenskyy is safely back in Ukraine after his visit here. i worry so much about him.  seems like a decent guy who has been able to step up when his nation needed him to.  

thankful for A. peace in my head this season B. safe travels for Zelenskyy. C. pretty light displays