Saturday, May 19, 2012

our world is green again!

loved this one of the dogs going up the hill in kincaid. did the dunes that day. amy and tanya joined. the days have been quite amazing. it was painful to go to work. not too busy either night though so i can't complain. i love doing 12 hour shifts and only working 3 nights/week. it would be tough to go back to a regular schedule like most of the world. great having so many days off to just explore and relax. hadn't realized before this month how popular these dunes are with the locals. i'm a local, but i just had skipped this section before. lots of folks out enjoying the day on the dunes that day so the dogs stayed on leash til we got passed this area and onto the main trail.i had brought one gulpy water bottle for my dogs, but some of the malemutes were starting to look a bit hot so they all enjoyed a drink after a bit. eventually we turned back onto the main loop out at jodphur and found the dogs some snow to relax in. didn't hear any cranes today so perhaps they are starting to move on. over these past several days the city has turned green. it's just always amazing how rapidly the seasons change here.'s green! love the bright green on all those fresh leaves.tuesday was a busy day as it turns out. after the walk, we all cruised over to the dimond greenhouse and bought some plants. i spent the afternoon outside getting the raised beds and big pots for the deck planted. hoping they survive. it still gets a wee bit chilly at night. they always say wait til after memorial day, but i never can wait. it's sink or swim for plants here. i figure with global warming a week or two early can't be too bad. ran to the gym for a swim and then off to a friends for drinks and chatter. we laughed loads and before we knew it the time was nearly midnight. the swim was good as always. most of the lanes were taken over for some swim team thing. always annoying, but as it turns out i was able to just enjoy the only lane left for lap swims by myself. never expected that. bought a dedicated backpack for my gymbag and a new lock for my bike and hopefully tomorrow i will plan on riding to the gym and doing my swim. then perhaps doing a little bit of a ride afterwards. easier than loading it in the car. looks like low tide out could have been crazy busy, but as it turns out a patient i was supposed to get didn't make it. the bed was set up and ready, but sadly, another young person left the world. my work does always remind me to enjoy the health and life that i have. boddhi enjoys the scene.the next day i was having what i would call a mal'tdown. hiking with malemutes all the time can get to me. they are beautiful dogs, but i just get frustrated and i feel badly for blossom. she's a retriever sort and when we are with the malemutes she pretty much loses her ability to play fetch....which is too bad.
it's always a battle for me, being a loner vs hiking with actual humans. often things are just easier alone. i know my dogs, i've trained my dogs, therefore walks alone just tend to be more relaxing and mentally clearing for me. i think too often i feel this responsibility for these other dogs. i really just want to worry about my dogs and my dogs only. luckily amy and i chatted via text and i think that helped deflate my mal'tdown episode. i'd also love for my girl to be able to chase her toys in peace. perhaps i just have to be careful to not do too many days in a row of hikes with others and make sure i get that alone time i so obviously need. i get cranky when i mix with the other humans too much! they are lovely, so it's not that. mix with humans at work as well. it can be a challenge at times as well. co-workers in all jobs complain about one another i'm sure. i try to just remember that it's 12 hours and i can do anything for 12 hours. well, almost, but i can generally get along with most anyone for 12 hours at a time. just do it in blocks of time. over the years i can recall getting put in assignments where i know they purposely had me working with another nurse that others couldn't tolerate...i could. guess that means sometimes i work with those difficult people more than others. can be exhausting some days. some of those other humans on this earth can require alot of energy and in some cases one must focus to maintain the "nice". was telling amy that i treat all people i meet on the trails as if they hate dogs and try to be the one that changes thier minds. poorly trained dogs make life difficult for every dog lover out there. it just takes a few negative experiences to counter 100 positive ones. i try to be the positive one. much that is just being aware of your dogs and of others on the trail, then analyzing and acting accordingly. blossom is pretty well trained so there may be situations where i don't believe she needs to be leashed up, but that doesn't mean my analysis is true for all the dogs on a given hike. each owner has to know their dogs and their training. i'm off leash on alot of trails where i'm not supposed to be really so that means i have to be even more vigilant. we all break law of choice to break is generally the leash law. i don't speed anymore so i gotta have some rebellion! the aren't always off leash though, often they are on leash. generally, i am the person who pulls to the side and lets whoever is approaching pass. with two big dogs i just find it easier to be the one to stop and get control. read a cool little article someone had posted on facebook. 15 things to give up in order to increase happiness. always a good reminder. we could all generally use a few reminders. i'll make a few comments on what was said. the need to be right...i have mostly given up the battles. i used to have little debates with people, but have grown tired of those. i think people tend to change over time and arguing rarely benefits or speeds that process. still think i'm right often, but am less verbal about it. perhaps i just saw that it was pointless in certain situations to speak out. control...that can be a tough thing to let go of as well. at work i just try to control my little world. the rest of the stuff just doesn't matter. who's in charge, who did what. as long as i go in and take the best care of the patients i've been assigned and am kind to those around me, the rest just disappears. at home, i live alone. control of ones pets, to a degree pets and kids are under your control. they are dependant. friends, can't control them, but the good ones let you be you and understand when you falter and vice versa. blame...that is true. often people are miserable and they blame other people and situations for thier misery. we all make choices. even people who are under dictators and in horrible living conditions can still make small choices that have impact on their lives. certainly there are some things that are beyond your control and their may be a specific person or event that one could blame, but if you wallow in this you only cause further damage to yourself. my life..the past is the past, i try to focus on the positives of things rather than the negatives. tanya and amy chill while the dogs soak up the last bits of snow.self defeating self talk...a poor self esteem is a tough one to overcome. no matter what others say that is positive about you, if you don't believe it, it matters little. i've come along way i'd say, but the self criticism demon shows up on occasion. i would say i am more critical of myself by far than i ever am of others.ekko and laika happy in the snow.
complaining...a little bit of complaining is probably healthy. i think if you never bitch and just hold it all in it's worse than just getting shit off your chest and moving on. i'm one to confront when needs be, but there are some situations/people that will not change or be altered at all by confrontation and often will be made worse. in those cases get a good friend you can trust and bitch away. don't think gossip and bitching extensively is a good idea. i never like to hear when people have been saying negative stuff about me behind my back, but i try to just accept that i have my flaws and i'm sure there are some days i tick off people too. just a dog track, but it's so cute.need to impress others....hardly an issue for me. probably was more when i was younger and dating more often. never felt completely secure in that dating world. resistence to change...this one is the opposite. easy to not resist change when you are younger. with age you get comfortable and making big changes can be tougher. always figured i wouldn't be one to get set in my ways, but the truth is you do over time as you age. that doesn't mean i resist change though. i've always been pretty open to people and life. change is scarey and exciting. i've never regreted making big changes in life. i often think how much less full my life would be now if i had resisted change in those earlier years. fears...fear can hold you back. fear and self esteem go hand in hand. life can be pretty scarey at times, but if you want to find your happiness you are going to have to overcome it from time to time, i agree. now i'm not sure if you fear heights you should start to jump out of planes or if you fear spiders you should put yourself in a situation with spiders. but in general fear leads to the excuses that lead to one living a stagnant life. healthy fear of certain things is okay. i fear bear encounters to some extent, but i just take precautions and go hiking anyway. others would allow that fear to prevent them from hiking at all. often fear just prevents you from making those changes that allow you to grow, develope and become more happy. excuses...will have to say i am a bad one about this. when you don't really want to do something it's easy to come up with excuses. of course, if you are coming up with excuses you really don't want that thing. the truth is in general if you really want something you will find a way. the other stuff just doesn't matter that much to you. the past...i think in general i've been good about this. at times it is easy to revert to old ways and have a moment. it is funny, when you get around family it's so easy to fall back into the person they still see you as instead of being the person you are. not sure if that makes sense. just that those old hurts and roles come back when you are around family somehow.blossom looks pretty chill, as does ekko below waiting for us at the photo's. still love my polar bear license plate. so cool! whoever came up with that for the northwest territory gets my vote! was going to work in the garden today, but it got windy...see i've alreay made an excuse. they should have named that article things to try and give up. everyone will fail otherwise thus increasing the self defeating self talk. do read less self help stuff as i get older. you jsut get to a point where you feel pretty good about who you are and you just live. i know there are many who try and figure stuff out thier entire lives. too much though and i think you get too nuts. life shouldn't be ruminated about, it should be lived. that isn't to say i never ruminate...i do as you can see by the blog and all the brainless crap i write. there is a limit to self analysis. was noticing awhile back that some people with the most horrific pasts just seem to choose to not dwell on it at all but to box it up and put it in some remote storage unit of thier brain. somethings are just too painful to bring back up over and over and probabably are best tucked away. there are more things to give up to be happy, but i'll just let you find your own way. i do know that no person or thing can make you happy and certainly reading some article won't do it either. you just have to live your life true to yourself. isn't all that green amazing!!?!!the day i had my mal'tdown we did the loop around little campbell lake. less snow out on that trail, but the dogs did find this lovely little puddle.amy enjoys the green!!watching "50/50". will get back to it here in a minute. kayaking trip is coming up fast. did start picking up some usual snack/meal stuff for the trip. i tend to pre-divide stuff into baggies for each day. then the leftovers can be used for if you get stuck out. hopefully, we aren't delayed coming/going from our various treks this summer. one never knows up here though and should always be prepared for some extra time in the woods. the better prepared you are the less likely you will need to be. blossom and indy got a few minutes to play at little campbell lake. today i jsut went to university lake, yesterday out in the bog. was thinking i'd walk after i got off work. was sleepy though. see another excuse! i am lazy and i like to sleep after working for 12 my catch all excuse is i'm lazy!that should cover it.these are the bog.!!magpie...and duck, duck goose!! was just checking on the eagles nest outside of kincaid park. parting shot of the dogs enjoying the lake at the dog park. good night....

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