Sunday, October 18, 2015

very little sleep last night. will turn in early tonight

 Blossom update:  she is much perkier today.  even chased her tennis ball in the house a few times.  she had gone over 24 hours without any V/D...but did have a little D this last time out.  hoping it's not a start of round 2 and that i started the rice/burger blend too early.  she is acting hungry today.  a few small feedings.  got a pill or two down her.
 was up much of the night with her. this morning i finally crashed for a bit, then fed her a bit, slept a few hours, fed her a bit, slept a few hours...very exciting life i lead.  i know!!
 chatted with my brother for a bit tonight...which i always enjoy!  we had a bit of a clash in our early years being close siblings and being at the end of the line.  we were left to fend for ourselves most of the time.  we both came out stronger for it i think though.  it seems we get closer and closer the older we get.  life is funny like that.  i have 6 siblings and they are all very different.  happy to have them all in my life in one way or another.  i'm for sure closer to some than others.  some of us put more effort in i think.  that is life though.  some people are just better at keeping those ties than others.
 for all the craziness growing up in a household full of loads of kids i'm very happy that we did.  i think it would be tough being an only child.  i remember a few times my parents visiting me once i had moved away.  it was so odd having all of their attention  irritating really.  i had no idea what to do with that level of attention being directed at me.  one friend visited here one summer with her husband.  he'd been an only child.  super nice was funny though, he told us every little thing he was doing.  she figured it was due to him being an only kid...he must have been asked constantly so it just became a habit to respond.
 i'm sure it's much different being an only child in this society where there are so many other only kids.  kids now are frequently in day care programs at very young ages whereas in our day often the first time you were really away from home was to go to Kindergarten.  we didn't really have much for organized preschools and at the time most mothers were stay at home types. things were changing fast.  my mom headed to work when i was in 2nd or 3rd grade.  she went to help pay for missions for my brothers for the church.
 did i resent it..i'm sure a small part of me did.  i was already a bit of a latch key kid emotionally for the parents...having mom head off to work just made me feel more lost. later she went full time.  older siblings were going to college and on missions.
 having all those siblings was good though. you were rarely home alone, there was generally always someone to chat or laugh with...or argue with i guess.  you learned a lot about sharing and going without stuff.  my brothers Tom and Joel as we got older took me along places with their friends as i was a bit of a social reject.  if i hadn't had just would have been lonely.  still, even though i'm single. i suspect if got super sick and needed to be taken care of the extended family would try and figure something out.
below was our only sighting of Denali, the clouds came in and that was all she wrote
 also as our parents aged there was a crew of us to deal with things.  it wasn't all on just one person.  that is something you see with friends who are only kids.  that is added stress as their parents age.  there is nobody else to help with that burden, even on an emotional level.  not that i would say i helped physically with my parents.  with my mom i called nearly every day so even though i was far away i think i was pretty emotionally supportive.  my dad, accepting help was not something he was too keen on. proud, stubborn at times i guess.  i have some of him in me, which is probably why we butted heads to often.  independent, not afraid to speak our minds, stubborn.  it's not easy losing your parents, but i have often thought in some ways it was a blessing that my dad left this earth before he lost more of his independence than he already had with his parkinsons.  that must have been incredibly frustrating for him.
 i do miss the laughter in the house and the constant banter....of course, that banter often turned to political and religious debates in our household growing up which could be tedious.  i think we all try to be more careful or respectful as we have all grown up and don't always see this world through the same lens.
 these are out at Byers Lake.
 that feed a fever, starve a cold thing is crap. i don't think i've had any fevers this week yet i've felt hungry all weekend.  when i do have a fever the last thing i want to do is eat..maybe i have it all wrong.
 got a rental car lined up for my trip to Los Angeles. i hope these pups can stay healthy while i'm away.  i was wanting to get Hockey tickets to a Kings game but they are nearly $100/ticket and not even for all that great of seats.  seems a bit crazy to me.  may have to skip that.
 the AFN is meeting in Anchorage this week.  (Alaska Federation of Natives) i'm pretty sure that is the name.  sadly, there are high suicide rates in the villages across Alaska.some of the topics they are discussing this week are suicide, alcoholism and drug use...while they had a meeting at the De'Naina Center someone jumped to their death in the center.  it was Hooper Bay that had a recent bout of several suicides.  this is horribly common.  one person commits suicide which then leads to others close to the first person to take that action as well.
 guess musk oxen sometimes get stranded on ice floes.  a permit was required in the past to kill these stranded musk ox.  now only a photo showing them on the ice floes is needed.  once they are stranded on the moving ice they have sealed their fate.  it then becomes legal to hunt them and take the meat.  they are horrible swimmers, can't get themselves out of the water or onto an iceberg unaided and will starve.  biologists aren't sure what drives them to take to the ice in these situations.
 reading back some papers...apparently babies are being tossed from apartment complexes to their death in New York....3 babies in the past 3 months.  i recall a friend being a bit condescending in my mind about the fact that i had no kids and how people who have kids become these spiritually altered beings almost.  stories like this show the absurdidty of her statement.  i can still have empathy and sympathy for sick kids ( she felt that only someone without children of their own could work in pediatrics icu).  i know plenty of co-workers in peds/peds icu who have children of their own.  having a child does not assure some spiritual bond with said child....if it did there would not be the babies killed and beaten as happens so often.
 kids being beaten and kids who die do impact everyone who works in those units.  i am not colder and less feeling because i don't have kids.  we all just have to learn to cope with loss in our own way.  kids need to be cared for when they are sick and injured and there are nurses who do this.  there are many nurses much more capable of this than i am, but still i go and i do my best.
below: beaver cruises by
 most nurses i know use laughter as a coping method.  we let off steam, we tell off color jokes, we put up walls between ourselves and the emotional situations that stand before us.  our job is to keep our own emotions in check and help those around us.  i'm no use to the sick and dying and their families if i am bawling and an emotional wreck.  you hold it back, you make like of strange things and then you find a way to release it all when you are off shift.
 for me, walking, writing, swimming, watching mind numbing tv or movies, reading..all ways to release stress.
 why it's a misdemeanor to beat the crap out of dog is beyond me.  some Soldotna guy did just this recently with his own dog. first beating it with a metal pipe and then later when it woke up and growled at him again with a 2x4.  the dog was later put to sleep.  it was a lab/pit cross
 a baby was born on a flight between Taiwan and Los Angeles, so it landed in Anchorage...there was a resident of UCLA on board that was able to help with the delivery.  if that baby was born within 12 miles of land in Alaska it would be eligible for citizenship....not sure where the parents are from, Taiwan i think...will they look into this?
 so not the most exciting day at this end.  dog watch and coughing.  i did manage to get some laundry done and the trash is at the curb.
 a rough looking salmon...spawned out
 bought an ink cartridge from Office Depot.  didn't notice the "remanufactured sign"  i believe they neglected to refill this particular cartridge.  it's been awhile since i purchased it..doubt i'll get any money back on that one.  frustrating.  kept wondering why my computer still said it was low on ink after i had replaced the thing.  will take it in and try but it is doubtful i will get a refund.

 we took an evening stroll around part of Byers after we settled into the cabin, they we did the 5 mile loop around the next day in the rain. still pretty. rain again here today.  felt like blossom was still too weak to hit the trails......i was coughing a lot anyway and tired so it wasn't hard to get lazy today.
 52 lives were lost when an air force plane crashed in 1952 at mount Gannett.  the plane went down on Colony Glacier.  the site was found at the time but weather and shifting of the glacier prevented any recovery efforts.  the site disappeared into the glacier.  it was found again in 2012.  since then, every summer the Department of Defense has sent crews up each summer in an attempt to collect remains and plane parts.  this is part of the MIA/POW efforts. 19 of the 52  lost have been located.

 night time falls on the lake.  so pretty out there.
 the reflections in the morning were pretty.
 off we went for our walk.
 i shall reload on cough medicine and try and get some real sleep tonight.  hopefully, it is an uneventful night for us all.  we shall see if Blossom is up for the Monday walk...or me really.
 walking in the rain with a cold is not always the best plan.
 i'm a sucker for reflections...
grateful for:  A.  tail wagging and an appetite return B.  friends and family, thanks for checking in and for not acting like i'm a fool for worrying about a dog...she's family to me.  C.  good oranges. when they are good they are great.  fruit is not always as you hope it will be up here.

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