fingers crossed...normalcy is coming.

xrays are supposedly happening Monday. i say supposedly because i didn't get a confirmation call or text.  will pull her food Sunday night and take her in.  perhaps i'll call right before i head over.  really hoping we get good results and the all clear to move forward on activity. 

after loads of snow we are having some spring feeling days. will take some time to melt but with the days getting longer and longer it is usually pretty amazing how fast it does all melt away. 

i need to start looking forward to getting back to activities and making plans for a fun summer.  her other knee is still iffy so we shall see how that all goes this summer. another thing to keep fingers crossed over.  i'm not really keen for a repeat of this and all that hardware in there in an active dog makes me nervous.  seems like quite a few dogs end up in surgery again to remove hardware eventually. 

spent my work week in the ER my last stretch.  holds.  20 folks stuck in the ER each night as the hospital was out of beds. the last two nights i was oriented folks. the first night the girl was a bit more green, she returned the next night and i had a more experienced traveler to orient so  it was actually good as i was available for both of them and wandered a bit to help out other nurses with their patients. 

hopefully i have redeemed myself for those days where i have no doubt been more testy in days past. 

working 12 hour nights you all get to know each other, good, bad and all that.  overall, we all get along and really it's more like being in a bit of a war zone with comrades.  we all get through with a little help from each other. no way to avoid being you some days and for them to be them.  other careers i'm sure there is more ability to put on a good face.  fake it til you make it...not so much with nursing. we save all our faking it for the patients no doubt.  

quite a lot of laughter...yes we laugh at patients too. some humans are so ridiculous and trying that all we have is laughter.

i have weaned Ivy down on the drugs.  she has been off the gabopentin for a bit and now the trazadone is also mostly off at this time. she is walking well, the non-surgery knee looks a bit sore at times so i have returned to giving her the truprofen and i've kept her on the cbd oil...until bottle runs out? not sure yet.

she wants to run and she wants to play.

i have started to drop leash as i get in the back yard so she doesn't kill me.  last night the aurora was quite visible from the yard so i just let her come out with me a few times. she did pretty good.  this morning i let her out when i went out to pick up dog poop.  she turned around and immediately headed back inside...returning before i could get concerned with a tennis ball.  that is my girl. 

Tusker came and grabbed it from her so there went her play time. 

i first headed to Woronzof and Lake Hood to try to see the lights.  it was showing over a 7 on my little app, which is very good.  pretty faint...also the fools at Woronzof do not comprehend turning off their lights.  the headlights and dome lights...it was ridiculous so i headed home.  it was around 0 or less out there also. at home the lights showed up...hadn't seen any when i'd left the house. got a lovely show before i opted to head to bed.  

was wiped out from the multiple walks every day.  i'm getting 4-7 miles in a day. yesterday i took Tusker for a walk on his own. i haven't done that every day.  just gets a bit silly.  could have today but i have been doing stuff around the house and getting them both out.  hoping next week i can start to take them on different trails. feel safer with her in the car bouncing around. she will have to stay on leash a bit more for these walks i think she can't go totally nuts yet. eventually, she will just be Ivy and i will just have to let her. can't keep that girl down much longer. 

i miss my crazy girl and she misses being crazy.

had some great sunsets last few weeks. 

and loads of digging out of the snow.

a few moose sightings.

Miss Breezy finds the heater vents

i get love...so hopefully that means i will be forgiven for putting her through this.  dogs have short memories for some stuff. 

life is a combo of lazy and crazy i think. 

at least mine is.  still fairly simple.  the dogs are no doubt gonna want these extra walks. 

as much of a bother it is taking them on so many walks i do remind myself that many who live in cities or apartments do this all the time. 

have gotten very spoiled with the dog door.

piled on snow shots.

the driveway is super long due to the snow so at this time the library is not accessible. 

haven't been overly enthusiastic to make calls out to the siblings...over the years it's been so one sided. at some point you do have to ask yourself what is the point? why do you battle over and over attempting to make relationships with folks who barely can be bothered to return the attempts. i know of at least one that seems to have hatred for me, a few others that don't really like me at baseline...so step back and see who actually has an interest in having any sort of relationship

i think you feel so obligated to force relationships with people you are actually related to and at some point it's way past time to let that dream go.  

don't give space to people who bring you down. hang on to those who see you for who you are and still tolerate and enjoy you. its just too destructive to an already sketchy self esteem otherwise.

i was so happy to see the road crew the other day.  i'm sure i will hear them again soon for round two.

our street is pretty thin at this time. 

a bit worried about the neighborhood watch guy.  haven't really seen him out there lately.  

Covid Cat was not at all thrilled with the many inches of added snow.

i was though. it's kept Ivy safe post op and it just looks so beautiful.  

need to get the house cleaned and i hope the fencing inside the house will soon be a memory.  the refi is finally almost done.  the notary will come over on Tuesday to do the signing.  so i get a lower interest rate and can really start to think about a newer car and flooring. 

asked about cars for dogs and camping on a dogs/hiking/camping group on fb.  the most named was the subaru's. 4 runner, xterra, passport and the cargo vans were also mentioned.  does help give me some ideas.  several liked jeeps but there was also others who complained about the jeeps...lotta lemons out there? the truck idea just seems like it could be tough getting Ivy in and out of with bad knees.

this was as i walked in to work.  pretty sunset.

we have new style n95's at work.  so i got fit tested the other morning after work. 

overall case numbers down but they have been starting to bump back up again.  our state like others is relaxing mandates. happy to be vaccinated, but still we have a ways to go before this is behind us...with so many who still refuse vaccines and don't take it all seriously we will have even longer. 

covid has been a bit of a social experiment. i think for me it has opened my eyes to a few things. who was supportive as opposed to dismissive.  who asked about me, checked in on me, concerned themselves over my health and welfare....who didn't or worse, who not only couldn't be bothered to support me but went the other way and ridiculed me or made life more stressful.  when people show you who they are believe them.  

you don't have to hate them back but you do have to make sure that those who have little interest in you do not hold power over you.  that can be hard to do i think but it's a work in progress. 

i am not always the most easy to get to know, may be not the easiest person to like or to love, but there are many who have taken the time and effort to see me for who i am.  to try and get to know me, to pull me out of myself. to get past the roadblocks that many of us put in our own way for fear we will be rejected.  

we do all deserve love, we deserve to be cherished, but many of us have a hard time believing that. we have a hard time seeing the good in ourselves and are surprised when others see good in us...often we even find it difficult to believe the compliments.  

i am grateful for those who stick by despite my own clumsy attempts at relationships. 

dogs are easy.  they do not see our faults and it's easy for us to trust them. they don't see us in our awkwardness.  they do not see us for anything but the basics of how we treat them.  they forget the bad and live each moment without a care for the future.  we can learn a lot from them.

almost time to put those boots back and and head out for another bog walk.

maybe head out to see the sunset with Tusker later.  may be another night of lights out there but it's looking like there may be more cloud cover...though not bad right now

despite not being able to get out as much as i usually do there is always beauty to be seen.

love how the sun dances on the snow

and the occasional moose spotting. Tusker and i hit the Oceanview Bluff Park.  it's been awhile since i've been there. probably will be a good and easy Ivy walk by next week. 

on our neighborhood walk i saw this buried car...yes there is a car in there.

off to enjoy the pups.  life is good overall.  there are moments, there are always failings and relationships that disappoint but still the world is a happy place, a peaceful place.  be well, take care of yourselves and take care of those around you.  none of us is alone no matter how alone we may feel some days. 

grateful for A.  those in my life who see me and accept me and reach out to me...despite my social awkwardness, clumsiness and difficulties connected at times B. for the animals who share my life and bring me joy and a reason to wake up, walk and live the best life i can  C. healing....good for the body and soul.