a third microchip installed....haha!

 

finished my 3 nights in the Covid ICU, slept a bit then woke and got my booster for Covid. 

i do always laugh at the fools who believed there were some sort of tracking devices in the multidose vials of these vaccines.  always seems so egotistical to believe that you are that important that you need to be tracked. 

i knew i'd feel okay initially so i got some stuff done with my day.  

grateful i did as yesterday i felt pretty crappy.  my max temp was 100.6F. lots of chills and body aches, joint aches...by the evening those were subsiding somewhat.  still felt tired and anytime i got out of my little nest the chills kicked in.  kept hydrated and finally ate an omelet late last night before crashing for the night. 

my co-workers in the ICU seem to all be making their way to get their boosters. seems wise considering the numbers. 

listening to a co-workers spotify covid icu mix.  some funny, some relaxing.  funny that nurses are creating song mixes just for work.  music does have a way to helping us all cope.  we are all just trying to get through this somehow.

i am not the only one who has been stressed beyond normal icu stress levels. the triples were maybe a wake up call for us all as to what we were in for. luckily these past three shifts i just had 2 patient assignments.  that keeps you busy enough. one patient was coding as i arrived. 

they were still alive when i left after my third shift...the patients i took care of last week in the triples are all dead....who knows if the two i cared for a few days ago are still alive. good chances they aren't. that is how it's going.  constant death.  

many are political and have refused vaccines but there seem to also be a lot of immigrants.  is language an issue? are they just not getting good information? do they have a basic mistrust of government that makes it easy for them to believe crap information? not sure. if you get intubated the chances of survival are not good.  that does seem to remain true. 

i'm off for a few more days so i will try to relax and revive my soul and get ready for the next round.  

they are getting much more staff on board to help..still only so many rooms and ventilators and the outcome is still the same...it's just one at a time. 

i try to remind myself that this will pass.  we will get through this.  

one friend was distressed at the stress and anxiety i had and encouraged me to quit.  i am an ICU nurse. it's what i do.  yes, this is stressful and my anxiety levels are at times much higher than normal. i did speak to my personal MD at the onset and we made a plan to help me cope with the added stress of this in my life and to keep me safe. 

in some odd ways, this is what we are.  we are meant to shine in the darkest moments in life. you don't always walk away from the disaster, sometimes you walk through it and pray you get to the other side intact.  my co-workers depend on me, the patients depend on me.  we are in this together and there is some comfort and power in that. 

the best of times/the worst of times. 

the last 3 nights were much more bearable, it's on a shift to shift basis.  we have had lots of new folks added to the mix.  many are doing overtime. i haven't.  i pondered it but after the triples, it's just more than i can do at this time.  i do feel better getting the booster in.  

the hospital numbers were just slight improved.  of our nearly 30 ICU patients 10 were not covid related as opposed to only 5 last week.  the ER wasn't overwhelmed and did not have loads of covid holds.  4N, the med/surg unit wasn't filled completely....it's still all covid really but they had a few empty beds in the wee hours. 

the ones that are probably the worst off are the hospitals outside of Anchorage who are no longer able to ship their most critical to us.  i've lived in those outlying areas and it can be pretty scary having patients who you just don't have the capability to care for. 

i asked the guy giving me the vaccine if the folks coming in were new vaccinations or boosters like me...it's almost all boosters he said.  we will never reach many who will just go on believing all the bull they have been fed. a percentage of those will die. 

in the meantime.  we have had more snow and the mushrooms are getting covered up for another season.

i'll have to wait until next year again.  this place is constantly changing.  that is work as well.  take it season by season.  this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass. 

everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not yet the end....another quote i like. 

dropped off a few rocks out there.  perhaps i'll paint a few as well. 

the pups are ready to walk after having to take yesterday off.  i watched a lot of mindless tv.  put on a movie, the Budapest Hotel. 

like when the big amanita's look protective of the little ones. so cute.

not sure what the bear situation is this week.  they are still out there.  they are trying to fill up for the winters nap...that can make them cranky.  the moose are starting the rut so they can get cranky as well. 

nurses...i'm sure we have our cranky moments as well. mostly at work, we find ways to laugh when we can. we try to keep each other strong for the job at hand. put on the brave face. do all we can on our days off to build ourselves back up.  it is a lot of death, much that could have been prevented.  

you do get a bit of a thick skin when it comes to death over the years.  this is a lot of death though for anyone.  many are younger now, in their 30's at times.  

it's all on your mind, you have to work to distract yourself on your days off from the days on. 

enjoying the music anyway.  trash day tomorrow, dishes, laundry...some stuff just stays the same.  the dogs and the cats need to be taken care of. 

"going off the rails on a crazy train" from one of the songs on this playlist.  haha.  that is how it feels at work. 

the dogs are patiently awaiting their walk.  love how chill they are most days with whatever is happening in my life. 

the cat is staying in more.  he's not a fan of the snow.  happy to have him in more. 

many of these are still out at Eklutna. fun little overnight getaway

these mushrooms get pretty big up here.

the Element is back in business. the dogs love being in there. i need to get the seasons camping gear out of there.  get stuff ready for the long winter world up here.

winter brings it's own peace really. everything just slows down. the darkness falls and you just have an excuse to cabin up.  read, watch movies, paint rocks. 

Ivy has no trouble relaxing after a good walk. 

will miss the summer campfires.  we always get a few of those in.  i have already had the fireplace working though.  

perhaps today is a good day for baking...another great winter activity. 

Ivy always takes over my bed in the tent or cabin.  she knows comfort and expects it.

we have a lot of beautiful places to fill us up when life takes the wind out of us. we have all depended on nature more these past few years. work hard, play hard.  

i am grateful for the staff who are sticking around and are in this battle with me.  we get overwhelmed but still we try to help each other.  it doesn't matter what area of the hospital you work in, we are all working our butts off trying to help each other get through this and get as many patients as we can through this. there is a kindness....i recall the nights i was doing triples, people throughout the hospital seemed to know we were doing triples in the ICU and they tried to support us any way they could, even if it was just acknowledgement and kind words. 

a rock we found out at Eklutna.  we left it there.

there is just something about the people who work in medicine, especially at the bedside.  a bond.  we do a job that very few can relate to or understand at any level so we have each other and we have each others backs. 

i'm just rambling today.  some days i have something of value to say other days my brain is scattered from the madness of everything around me i suppose. 

writing is one of the many things i do to try to keep control of it all. thankfully, i have a lot of coping mechanisms.  for some, who have none, they no doubt turn to drugs and alcohol.  it's why i've always been a fan of making sure that electives are taught in schools.  those are the things that help you get through life and a good base of music, sports, reading, nature...those things will help you cope with the challenges life brings.  as they cut those things out many have lost their ability to cope with the stresses of daily life and they do end up turning to harmful activities. 

humanity is in trouble.  our nation is in trouble.  i have no answers on how to fix the many issues out there. it all does sadden me.  the selfishness i see.  

guess i should eat breakfast since it's well after noon.  time to walk the dogs. 

they aren't troubled by the cares of the world, their only stress is a lost tennis ball from time to time.  

grateful for: A.  the most amazing co-workers  B. time C. a booster...