i am a terrible person...

 

that is according to certain people who believe that whether you return your cart every time you shop or not is the only determination of this. haha. i tend to park near a depository for carts but there are times when i have not returned carts. often there is no depository. sometimes the parking lot is so pocked up with holes in the snow...perhaps the companies that own and don't maintain the parking lots have something to do with this and bear some responsibility.  sometimes it's a beautiful day and i think, man if i was working inside today i'd love an excuse to get outside...and sometimes yes, i'm just lazy. 

i doubt anyone does much 100% in life. we are all a little fallible. so i guess some days i am a terrible person and most days i am not. i can live with that. in general i am trying to be a good, kind and decent human and i believe that mostly i am.  

i guess i feel like in a world with so many bad and terrible things that people do to each other, not returning a cart on occasion is probably pretty low on the list and people would be wise to work on larger issues in our society.  you know, things like making folks who are gay/trans...feel so terrible about themselves that they kill themselves. 

love these old photo's of Tusker that pop up.  i like adding some more recent shots and some from last year.  i have many photo's to put in here, brings back many fun memories both recent and less recent. 

still painting those rocks.  they do improve and it's fun to see the skills improve. some rocks i do keep despite letting many go. 

i'm awake at a way too early hour so i opted to just write a blog.  i return to work tonight.  sleep would be wise but here i am.  it's pretty rare that i wake up so early.  when i do i generally will return to bed and try for a few more hours, especially when i will be working.  today, my alarm is set because the tile guy will be returning here. today is grout and hopefully getting the room back together.  

the tile looks great and the tile guy is skilled. i think he has enjoyed being given some space to create. tile is fun that way. you can do fun stuff with it. he's shown up when he said he would and works hard...so anyone want info for a great tile installer just message me. 

i was super embarrassed the other morning. i have given them the garage door opener with the promise to leave the door to the house inside the garage unlocked so they can work, even if i'm sleeping. of course, after working my first 12 hour night shift last week i automatically locked said door out of habit.  years of living in L.A., being a single female and having been woken up once with a man in my room feeling me up have made this a fact of life i guess. i turn off the sound on my phone at work and some days i forget to turn it back on....so they couldn't reach me when they were unable to get in.  putting us a behind on work.  his time is valuable so i felt terrible and apologized profusely. 

last week i was in the ER all week. the last day i did get to leave early, which is always a treat.  one night a co-worker begged to go home early...how could i resist.  she seemed very determined and it was just a few hours anyway. 

last night was Sunny's last day of puppy class.  he's doing well.  starting to improve on the stay command. i've confused him a bit with an up pretty command and attempting to teach him a paw command.  as with most stuff he does seem to be confused when i first introduce things but as soon as he gets it he gets it. 

walked with friends yesterday. out at North Bivouac.  there was apparently a body found somewhere out in the woods at one of those trailheads up Campbell Airstrip Road.  no signs of anything on yesterdays walk. hadn't been too keen on going on my own since that happened. my ongoing fear of having my dogs zip into woods only to return with an arm or leg of some deceased human.  it's always the dog walkers that find the bodies it seems. i'm not keen on becoming on of those statistics. 

the kitties scuffle at times, i suspect it's because of the new puppy and their frustration.  i also find this happens less when i get the toys out and play with them more.  overall, there is peace in the house. 

puppies are puppies though and can be annoying to cats.  they have many escape places, i've made sure of that. 

need to work on taxes for both myself and WARIS on my next stretch of days off.  slowly the to do list gets tackled and rebuilt. that is life right? the constant to do lists. 

growing on my to do list this week is laundry.  for one person i do have a lot of laundry.  well one person and 4 animals.  so once the tile is done and the washer and dryer are set back up i will have some catching up to do.  i don't do laundry unless i'm home for fear of fires or floods.  the fire part comes from my Mom and the flood part just from others experiences i guess. 

my Mom was always very cautious about fire.  the story i recall her telling me was that her father and his brothers were home and their sisters dress must have caught fire.  the mother was at church, which i guess was pretty usual....that sister died from this fire. my Mom would relate that she believed this caused resentment towards the church, which led to several of her uncles not going to church? not sure...looking back, with what i know, it could just be they did not believe in the Mormon church and stopped attending. 

people inside the church often want to find other reasons for people to stop going to church other than the church is not true. when i was growing up it seemed to be mostly because they wanted to party and sin and so they left. not why i left of course, but it's easier than dwelling on your belief system.  if others find it to be unbelievable you may have to questions things as well and most do not wish to do that. 

it is kind of amazing that generation after generation stay with religion, out of habit in a way.  even more odd is that these people from all these different religions believe often that their religion is the right one.  always seemed odd to me that i was somehow just so lucky or whatever to have been born into the right church.  the Mormons explain that away by letting you know that was no random thing. in their doctrine you were born "under the covenant" because of your good acts/choices in the pre-life.  you had already proven yourself more worthy than others born on the earth.  this as well, felt very strange to me and the older i get the more bizarre it seems.  

seems a good way to prove yourself more worthy than so many others on this earth..you were better than others before you took your first breath? 

these are from the fall. the ice was just starting to form.  now the snow is melting. 

hoping the car survives. lots of deep snow holes and pot holes on the roads.  the trailheads are a mess, the parking lots are a mess...it's all a mess.  the main roads are getting better and better. i feel adventures coming. 

will have to try and hit a few of these beaches again before the snow totally melts.  this trail only exists in the winter as it's generally a boggy mess

my work week was mostly the usual stuff.  the covid numbers are down.  not gone, of course, but life at work at least feels more normal.  

mask wearing has decreased around town.  i tend to still wear mine. in puppy class i didn't.  we are very spaced out in general in a large space so when they released the mandate i was fine removing my mask.  

Ukraine.  still getting bombed by the bastard, putin.  

the GOP is still insanely pushing conspiracy crack and it's followers are still eating it all up. 

the puppies are sleeping and the cats are already fed. 

our days are getting longer. the sun is already starting to come up.  

love this wild place.  love the grand views, the drama of it all. 

the changes happen weekly.  the ice and snow can be so vastly different. you would think winter is winter but each winter has it's own rhythm.  some years more snow or more ice or wind.  there is so many forms of ice and snow. 

this day i was able to use the crusted snow to make these fun hearts to leave out on the trail.  hopefully, enjoyed  by others who came through. 

i also made snow cairns.

other times the snow is far to dry and powdery.  

or super heavy and wet.  

it's a mess for a bit as winter starts and ends but in between there is such beauty and drama. 

i can't imagine living in any other state at this time.  i'm not sure i could really.  Alaska has ruined me for other places. 

i'm addicted to it's drama and beauty.

other days though i do tire of the mosquito's or the bears or of walking on ice and being concerned of falling.  no place is perfect i guess. 

but here, the imperfect stuff generally changes in the course of a few weeks. 

the politics can be annoying.  far too many not like minded.  less in the bigger city i guess though. you just can't allow yourself to dwell on the negative no matter where you live.  there is beauty in every part of this globe if you look for it.  there is also ugliness if you look for it.  sadly, Ukraine is having to deal with the ugliness in the form of this lunatic dictator who has decided to just invade them and cause death and havoc.  

so terrible that one person can cause such death and destruction.  that should never be allowed. no one person should ever have that sort of power over so many others.  

nearly time to head to bed again. my headache is gone though so that is good. 

they always come from the knots on my back and shoulders that cause tension elsewhere.  

will these disappear when i retire? will i retire or will the world as we know it end? really tough to know what the future will  bring.  i tend to hope for the best and ignore the rest to some degree. i put money into the future but don't count on it all working out one way or the other.  best to have some plans but enjoy the day.  i suspect being a nurse for years in critical care has just made me cognizant that life is fleeting.  you never know when this day will be your last.  

best to not spend your entire life planning for a future that may not happen.  

these guys keep me pretty happy in the day though. 

overall, despite being a terrible person from time to time...life is pretty dang good.  :-)  

thankful for A.  my new tile, it's looking great B. the furs i share my life with.  C. the humans who know me and love me despite my many flaws and imperfections.