rain as motivation...

 

although at this moment i am not moving very rapidly. the rain does motivate me more than sunny days. here is Sunny above.  love when the light goes through his tail. 

i looked at places in Talkeetna and Homer. there is a cabin in Talkeetna. i think if there was a place at the driftwood in Homer i would have gone for it.  it is a second home really. 

i think the trip away has made me yearn to just be home.  so Homer is home but anyplace else is not. strange i know. tempting as it is to get out and stay out. i am going to just be happy with day trips i think this round. some times you really just have to listen to what your head and heart are telling you. going away is stressful so i think my mind and heart need the comfort of home for a bit. 

thinking of things to do with my brother.  much is weather dependent i think so it may be several day treks with him as well. we shall see as i get closer. the overnight cabins in Talkeetna would be cool too as would Homer as always. so i will check out the options and just make decisions.  the only think he keeps saying is he wants to see whales. i think we will do the long trek so we have the most chances of seeing whales...hope the weather cooperates. 

people can be made to believe anything.  if we want something hard enough, we can make ourselves believe it. we see this over and over again.  cults, religions, politics, mediums. 

was watching a series on Netflix about after life. the first was about out of body/death/near death experiences. as a nurse working critical care i have often looked in to the eyes of a patient and felt the soul( or whatever the entity inside of us is) is there or not there. i have seen this life force, as it were, come and go. there are many who have seemingly began to cross over only to be pulled back. there are things that science and medicine can not always explain. overall it does seem to bring people comfort. 

i have also seen a few people in the process of dying that are terrified.  that seem to be fearful of the next step. is it hell? are there demons near? i have no idea...i have found myself wondering what horrible things this person may have done in their life that would bring them to such a terrifying place awaiting death. most seem to report a light, super senses and peace.  often they are told to return but are not really keen on returning because the draw forward is so inviting.  

what lies ahead in the next life is an unknown entity.  no matter how many people try to convince you they know the future, they do not really. we can only guess, hope really.  

it is a scary prospect and i think many want to believe they have some answers.  death is painful and when we lose someone we want to believe they are in a better place filled with love and comfort.  we want to believe we will go to a place of love and comfort.  

for many their idea of what comes next comes from their religious beliefs. for a few it comes from these near death experiences...though i have never heard of any of these near death experiences directing anyone to any particular religion. i suspect they all may have some truths in them and a lot of crap really. we have a need to be right, to know.  i believe that is why so many find some religious belief that works for them here that gives them that peace of a more clear future. more predictable. 

across the board, no matter the belief set, you will find people in those belief sets who believe beyond a doubt that their beliefs are the true and correct ones.  this is obviously not possible. everyone can't be right, nor can they all be totally wrong...though i suspect many have really gone off the rails due to their belief that their belief path is the absolute correct one. common sense should be proof enough of that i think. 

for me the church i was raised in did come with some level of arrogance. elitism. we were taught that we had been pre-selected to our families. that due to our good behavior in a previous life we were brought to the earth and placed in the only correct church.  that we were born under the covenant due to our valiance in the pre-life. there always just seemed to be a little too much luck in all of it. we were born in the right church, the right nation, the right family, the right color....you get the idea. it was a bit too on the nose for my mind. seems all a bit more random than all that.  plus some were born "under the covenant" into absolute horrible families, abusive even. i guess as long as you are born into the one and only true church that is all that is required. seemed too good to be true for my mind though.  it always bothered me that we had it better than others

it also bothered me that i was  being held to some higher standard in some ways as well.  that we were part of some big test but others could live complete lives on earth and then get the get out of jail free card post life by accepting a baptism for the dead.  

this program also was getting into mediums and then seances. that gets a bit more sketch.  more room for fraud and trickery.  are they playing on peoples pain and emotions? for some, it seems more like they are providing a comfort for people.  vague guesses, watching for reactions, given those left behind some closure/comfort.  i think for most of this stuff, religions and mediums, whether true or not, it's a matter of intention. do they mean well? are they taking advantage of those in pain and bilking them out of funds. the seances seemed more sketchy than just dry reads but both can be manipulated. the person talking with other voices, being strapped to a chair in a dark room, having "ectoplasm" spew from their orifices. i don't think i will be participating in that any time soon.  i'm not that driven to meet spirit. 

if spirit comes to me i can be open to that idea. the only times i have felt this, outside of work...

once when life was very stressful i rolled over and my Dad was sitting by my bed and just let me know it was all going to be okay. was i awake or in a semi-dream state? you can never really know. we drift in and out of dream state in sleep, in anesthesia in many circumstances. 

also when my blind mastiff Rio Catalina passed there have been some strange things. the first thing i noticed was within a week Blossom, my other dog, was staring oddly into a corner.  so oddly, that it made me ask her if Rio was there.  of course, i can never have any idea if a dog was seeing the spirit of another dog. many don't even believe dogs/animals have spirits. i like to think they do. 

later and even now at times, the television will turn itself off or on. glitch in system? a pet sitter told me my place was haunted.  i asked her why she thought that.  she told me the tv had turned itself off/on and had changed channels. i asked what channel and she said it changed to the Disney channel. i told her it was probably Rio Catalina. i used to leave the tv on the Disney channel or some other station that had a happy vibe to it. i also joked that if it had turned to fox news i would have called in an exorcist. 

i have changed televisions thinking this would stop this, that it is the tv itself. it hasn't, though it has slowed over the years.  why Rio? she was a rescue. she was blind and a large mastiff and had little chance of getting adopted. she was only 2 but she ended up here.  Blossom and her bonded and she bonded with me.  of all my dogs, i think Rio would have been the only one who would have given her life and attempted to fight off a bear. the others were bonded and i was close to all of the dogs i've had but i suspect the rest would have booked, stayed in the area and then returned to me after the attack was over. Rio was bonded and grateful i think. the tv incidents have probably slowed because the years have passed and Blossom is with her now. they were super close.  this was also the only time i have had a fellow dog attend a euthanasia.  

perhaps tonight i will be visited after having thought about this so much today. haha. 

so these are in Talkeetna. i really should just pack up the car and make a road trip.  it is rainy out and it looks like it may be for several days. that shouldn't stop me from doing some road trips though. the gas prices seem to be improving a bit as well. 

the construction shots are on the Richardson highway.

wildflowers on the side of the road

so believe what makes things comfortable to you.  in truth, your beliefs do not mean they are true or even real. as i said, i think much is about intention in this life. as long as your beliefs do not interfere or damage others ability to believe the way they do and as long as your beliefs do not cause harm to others. of course, i have no idea what the consequences would be if they do.  we all want there to be consequences for the terrible behavior we see manifested in others.  to think these people would just go on without consequences in this life or the next life is difficult to accept. 

i have seen a sort of syndrome in some parents of very ill children.  they are controlling and difficult to staff.  i've decided that for some, who have totally had to sacrifice their day to day lives, they must prove to themselves the value of their sacrifice. if they can just come to hospital and the staff can just do what they do at home with a great deal of  efficiency then what is the point of their sacrifice?

i see religion the same, leaving it.  if i can just leave the religion my family is bought into and live a happy, decent and productive life...what is the point of all their sacrifice for their religion.  it is why there can never be complete harmony between those who leave and those who stay. those who leave have to not be happy or not be successful or not be decent? how could you leave and still have those things. 

the skelly's decked out last year. this summer they are still in Ukraine support mode. 

i suppose that is enough ramblings.  have been introspective this week.  writing more posts than lately. avoidance technique no doubt. 

i always do a lot of thinking in the shower for some reason...is it a portal to the other side.  there are many times when we are not keen on having visits from those who have passed on....mostly, i'd say when we are naked, having sex or crapping. they say your loved ones are always with you...but i would hope that there are times that they are not with us. 

so many pretty flowers. i'm so ready for the mushrooms.  it was so dry the first part of the summer, will this rain be enough to bring those mushrooms out.  

the flowers are getting past time.  this place moves so quickly through all of the seasons but winter.  good thing i love the peace winter brings.  

figure i'll skip the airstrip today...those bears are wandering around there.  there could also be bears in other locations. we have no shortage of bears, but our brains always will tell us to avoid areas that we have recently seen or heard of bears no matter how much we also know bears are constantly moving and the chance is they have already moved on. 

i for sure miss my boy Tusker still.  like Blossom, it was too sudden and therefore painful. i have less thoughts of him having actually survived and the possibility he will show up in my life again.  it's just denial and hope that makes my brain think that. he is gone.  he will always be missed. 

every so often you hear of a reading where a beloved pet comes through.  gives me the hope.  we all hang on to hope, no matter what we believe. 

i do hope he is near, for me and for Ivy Rose.  i know she misses him too. 

grateful for A.  hope B. rain C. the many possibilities out there for what may be...it can take a life time to disprove them all so you can revel in the hope of any new possibility for a bit. 

bear sighting...

 

i had just finished my walk. the dogs, luckily, had jumped right into the back of the car. sometimes Ivy wanders off not wanting to get in.  i was putzing around changing out their water in their car bowl when suddenly a black bear with two cubs popped out of the woods. 

they were about 100 yards away.  i quickly closed the back hatch so i didn't have dogs and bears getting all mixed together.  my dogs really haven't seen bears.  sightings of late have been at a distance or from the car. i was locked out of the car, just a button push to fix that and at least i was on the opposite side of where the bears were. 

that white car pulled up, which distracted the bears. i drove around a bit once i was in the car and saw the bears cruising down the road later. 

these shots are from last summer. drive across Denali Highway and above is powerline

went to powerline the other day. yesterday i decided to brave the bear potential at North Bivouac. oh, well, see how that went. not many mushrooms spotted out there. 

debating a run to Valdez this weekend. i'm on a staycation. no plans made. i have felt pretty lazy since i've returned home. 

travel/family...whatever, it sapped me.  i'm a wimp clearly. 

need to stop by the tile store and see what the damage would be for the tile i want. 

was also doing some online research the other evening. the polygamy stuff and the church.  it does seem funny to me that so many church members flip out over trans folks when they have this crazy history of polygamy and even child brides taken. 

when i was in the church liked to whitewash the history of polygamy.  it seemed to all be put on young and the fact that it was started by smith and that he practiced polygamy was pretty understated. they also seemed to act like this was more of a revelation of need as the pioneers suffered so much during their travels that many men died and the men left over kindly took over the care of these families and widowed women. 

of course, if times were that difficult and you had to take on an extra wife or two...why the hell would you want to have sex with them and risk having more mouths to feed?  i can see kindly taking in a relative and her children but then adding them to your sex regime?  as i said in the last post.  taking in one or two women can maybe be made into some act of valiance but taking on 30+ wives...that is perversion. especially when many are kids.

of course, a look into the actual statistics of the time doesn't support these tales...one study was done by byu. the pioneer death rates were really not much higher than the death rates of the national average of the time. 3.5% of the 56,000 pioneers died. the average nationally was 2.5-2.9%

i also looked at male vs female. they indicate that there were many women in need of care. in truth women had a slightly larger mortality rate. 3.3 was male while 3.6% female. kids seemed to do better than i would have expected. under age of 20 was only a 1.75% rate of death. 

the largest losses came with those who traveled by handcarts. despite the big push to make this appear the more common form of travel only about 3000 of the pioneers of the over 56,000 pioneers traveled this way. they were poorer and less prepared at base. 

this tale of the wives being taken in as a need is further disproved by the fact that so many were single when they married into these multi situations. youngs wives....21 had never married, 17 were widowed (some were widows of smith actually). 6 of his wives were divorced from others and 6 actually still had living spouses...there were a few others who their status was unknown. about 7 of the wives were 18 years or less when they married him. smith had up to 40 wives. 

less females than males crossed over...

the handcart stuff in the modern church began after i left. i never participated in those. 

there were many things about the church that didn't interest me or that i questioned all those years ago. generally i don't do any research at this point.  there are these ces letters, which i haven't bothered with. i don't need any further facts. i'm quite happy with the decision i made all those years ago. haven't really had a regret about leaving. 

aside from the basic polygamy, gay rights, racism and misogyny, the finances and social issues in general were not appealing to me. 

i found being mormon very stressful and difficult on my sense of worth. there was this drive to be perfect or act perfect.  felt like a lot of comparisons that were never going to go my way.  there was a type and i never fit that type. 

i didn't like the money and power combination. it seemed to go hand in hand.  like if you had money it was clearly a sign of your goodness and worth and God was blessing you.  pay your tithing and you will be rewarded. 

i think in general i would rather live this life now than be so stressed about everything i do and how it will impact my eternal life. far too many waste their time on earth on their future in heaven or hell i guess. i read all the books.  Jesus had very simple messages. i really felt that we are not meant to all be theologians. we are just meant to try and be kind and decent people. love one another and do not judge. 

Christianity in general is having some major issues at this time.  they seem to have lost the message of Jesus.  this victimhood culture is pretty ridiculous especially in this nation where we have so much really. i recall one sibling was happy trump was elected as now they could practice their religion freely.  when i called them out on it, asking what exactly had changed in their practice during the 8 years Obama was in office...well they came up blank. 

it reminds me of those who bastardized islam and made it more of a terrorist enterprise than a religion. you watch as they all join together. the extremists will play nice with all the rest of these christians only to deem them not extreme enough in the end. most christians are not that keen on mormons at baseline so i suspect mormons will be one of the first to be deemed non christian enough. 

going to head out to hatchers pass with a friend for a walk.  perhaps i'll head off on a little drive after i drop my friend off. 

hoping no bear encounters out there today. i'm always good not seeing them.  from the car or a boat is fine. 

i also need to get a little clean up on the house and make some solid plans for fun stuff when my brother is here. 

i have lots of rocks for painting this winter.  summer is starting to feel like it's winding down.  

possible early winter.  this winter i really need to get on the computer and plan some vacation fun for next year. 

stop being such a lazy homebody. 

i ended up binge watching some of the Alone series. always fun to watch people figure out ways to survive in the woods. they are watched so not that much danger though lots of bears and you can push a button for help and be dead before help arrives. 

the one i was watching was in BC.  rain and wind and bears. 

the rain can be worse than the cold sometimes because it combines with the cold and makes you more chilled. 

i better wrap this up and head out of here.

this bunk was on the Denali Highway

these are in Talkeetna.  it was a nice little run. perhaps i'll try for that run again for the fall colors in a few weeks

fall is always amazing up here.

a walk in talkeetna.  need to get my boat loaded if i head to Valdez. could be fun

grateful for A. willingness to change B. adventurous spirits C. inspiration of those who go where others fear going