Sunday, January 29, 2012

playing pool again and i like it!!

spent the day cleaning out the pool room. it's obviously my garage, but it had become storage this summer when i redid the floors upstairs. the mess just never got cleared out. this week i've been working on cleaning and clearing. looking great. of course, my idea of clean is always a bit shy of others idea of clean. entertaining is a great way to get me to clean though. i recall telling my mom that and her saying that this was why she always invited people over...i laughed and said, but you always skipped the cleaning part. my mom was not a neat freak and i inherited her lack of domestic skills. i think i'm a somewhat improved version, but i can't say my place doesn't have clutter and permanent piles. i tend to have organization behind my clutter though. stuff actually has a place, i just am not that great at getting it back. on my side, when i do get in those cleaning moods, i have no problem ditching stuff i've hung on to for too long. maybe my mom was like that at some point, but 7 kids and the stresses of life may have gotten the better of her. as the youngest of 7 kids i think i often saw my parents only in thier post stressed out days. i have to think hard to remember the days before they got all stressed.
the pool table is a reminder of my dad for me. we got a table in our basement one christmas. our folks used to always get a family gift that was pretty cool usually. i think the table was secondhand. it was a nice one. slate. we spent hours down in that cool basement in the summers escaping the heat and shooting those balls around. i remember my dad giving me pointers on how to get shots and how to play. don't remember him being down there ever in my teen years. i played with my brothers and thier friends. i'm not very good, but i think because i grew up playing pool i can pull off a good shot here and there. when you grow up with a stick in your hands i think it just becomes inate. served me well in a few bars. i'm not competitive, but i am independant. if a guy would question my ability i could take him down. i remember one guy in a bar...i impressed the hell out of him. i was all this ball will hit that ball and that ball will hit that ball and then go in that pocket. well the damn thing did. it's up there, but mostly i just hit the balls real hard and sometimes something goes in. we always played a bit of slop 8 ball at our place.
haven't had many pool parties these last few years. i can be very confident in some areas of life, but socially hasn't been an area i felt i excelled at. my one good friend, quinton left and he was just the guy you knew would always come and have fun no matter if nobody else showed up. when you have gatherings you just don't really know who will or won't turn up. it can be scarey. i mean i grew up in a church, if you planned an event, you were pretty sure to get people. in the regular world it can be a bit more tricky. then i think i got self conscious as i was with people i was just getting to know and we'd gone somewhere and were undecided what to do next. i remember i suggested everyone come to my place and play pool. people sounded interested, but then one very strong personality blurts out, "i don't like pool" and that was the end of that. i think it took the wind out of my sails. figured there was no chance this group of people would ever show up. sometimes you have to just do stuff that you like to do and eventually you will find people who will do it with you. there are some strong personalities out there and it's easy for me to just step back. took me some time to figure stuff out. you can't really blame others when you are the one who allowed yourself to become small. i just took awhile to notice. it just happens so slowly that you don't notice that you are always at fault and you always end up giving up whatever it was you wanted. i feel more balanced. getting the table back in action makes me happy. we had some really fun nights out there, laughing, playing pool and just mixing it all up.
the girls and i found time to circle the bog. would have done more but i was hoping to get the room done today and then just do general house cleaning before the gathering. was also hoping to get to the pool. i almost made it, but my errands just took a smidgey too long. the computer is GONE!! that old thing has been taking up space here for years. i hadn't removed the harddrive so they charged $10 bucks at Best Buy. i was so happy to give them the money. just wanted it gone. i still have a few bags of clothes to drop off for the ARC of anchorage that were collecting in the garage. other stuff just got trashed. got to cut up some boxes for recycling tomorrow.
spent a good hour playing pool tonight. it was my reward for all my work today. felt great to be playing again.
just watched, "rabbit hole" with nicole kidman. kinda a melancholy movie, but i actually really liked it. loss was covered well. everyone reacts differently and i can't imagine how it must be to lose a child. people lose it sometimes and friends and family don't always know how to help.
guess i shall try to sleep. tomorrows another day. hopefully i can get out for a much longer walk. blossom would love it...and also a swim. as you can see the day was beautiful!

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