another day...

 walking is always my best therapy...walking and dogs. these pics are from back in August.  we have snow in our forecast is what I'm being told. 

 a bit stressed, i have been asked to speak at the memorial.  I'm not really much into speaking engagements.  sometimes you just have to put on your big girl pants and do it because it's bigger than you.  you have to realize it's not about you and your comfort, it's about your friend...so i was working on my memorial.  wrote a poem, that tends to go over well i think.

 will work on tweaking my words a bit tonight.  any tips/hints always appreciate.  memories that you think i should include?  i think i will also load pics into a file of pics of her and see if Libby can get a cd to play behind me while i speak.  pictures of her and perhaps a few of bears and walrus from our adventures.  that will take some of the focus off me as well. 

 i have no clothes to wear to this.  i dress for work and hiking really...that is about it.  figure nobody is looking at me at this point anyway. 

 doesn't seem real still, more like she will finally text back at some point.  that is how it is with loss though.  i still am tempted on occasion to call my mom.  a lot less than at first but still, it lingers.

 i have that class on the same day so JE will get me out of that or at least a few hours of it.  hopefully, i can manage that.  i was taken off my shifts last night and tonight to accommodate that class and the one tomorrow...PALS check off.  i did get a call last night at 7:05 as they still had me on the list. i could tell they were pretty sure that was an error but they wanted to make sure.  figured I'd better pick up that phone call lest i have troopers at my door.

 people seemed to like the post i did for Val so i used that as kind of a base for my talk.

 yesterday was Monday walk.  we had a nice turn out and a beautiful day.  today was really nice out as well. cold though. you really can feel that drop.  the ground is freezing up.

 heart shaped mushroom

 headed back out to the airstrip like these pictures but a few months later.  all brown now.  no leaves left in the trees. i stretched out the walk for the pups by hitting the homestead trail and taking a cut across to Rovers Run.

 i remember this day so clearly.  all these flowers.  i just kept stopping and taking photos. 

 pups are doing great.  always feel badly leaving them as i will have to Thursday and Friday for these classes and the memorial.  could be a full room...probably quite a few admin types. 

 hopefully there are several friendly faces to focus on for me. 

 gave speeches at a young age.  part of growing up Mormon.  i think they start having you speak in front of the entire congregation after you turn 8 and get baptized.  i remember being terrified.  not sure if this totally helped me or gave me a complex...haha.  in truth most people really don't enjoy public speaking. it probably was a good experience getting me up on there so early. i was pretty shy.

 introvert really more than shy i guess. i do fine with small groups, my anxiety increases the larger the group. at parties/bars i just learned to create my own space with a smaller group of folks.  i do enjoy quiet. listened to some podcasts the last few days.  i like the tedtalks podcasts.  one was on quiet.  we have so much noise in our lives. i often just drive with the radio off, especially when I've been working.  work is noisy..would be worse on days though.

 listened to several podcasts on my night at work Sunday night.  i was a sitter.  had to watch the hands.  some patients are gropers.

 everyone is all up on this Hollywood guy....like that is the only groper.  women have to be on guard all the time. this has not much to do with race, religion, age, financial status.  it's just how it is. sometimes i think that is one of the reasons i found some peace in dressing pretty plain, not drawing any attention to myself.   i dress for me and me only. well the weather is a big determinant of my clothing choices. dude is scum, but there is scum all over.  we know it. 

 one patient was watching faux news.  i joked that if he got too riled up i would turn the channel.  people get nuts watching too much of that station.  it's so funny to get exposed to it.  the "news" they show there is so watered down from the news on all the other major news shows.  at one point on this day they were really making this Hollywood scandal all about politics....really, you all gave the current iitoo a pass while trashing the women who accused him of groping...even worse you all went along with the faux news crap of they were lying and paid off by the dems.  so ridiculous.  so it was funny to see them spin this like it's totally different.  it's not. they are both scum. 

 can't even begin to list the stuff that happens to females.  i know it happens to others as well but it's mostly men directed at females. why don't we do anything?  to what end.  it rarely gets females anything to report incidences.  hell women who are raped are often berated by lawyers in court.  some guy grabs your breast...no evidence, your word against theirs.  end of story. 

 this older guy at the first job job i had at a taco joint...well we were just quietly encouraged to make sure we didn't end up in the walk in fridge with him.  this is typical. it's your responsibility.  seems that they should just fire a guy who would do this, but i guess since i was warned if i did end up in fridge with the guy and something happened...well i was warned, right.  i never let myself be trapped in fridge i guess.

 every day the iitoo says more stupid stuff.  can't even keep up anymore.  our  nation is a mess and it's amazing how rapidly it is happening. 

 i had a few smaller pumpkins so i went ahead and carved those...well i emptied them out and then i put on these fun decorations for pumpkins.  they are now on the deck with skelly. 

 all these leaves were coated in frost today. 

 last of the flowers. 

 could have done a more adventurous walk today i guess, but i had other things on my mind.

 really need to focus on loading pictures on my shutterfly account this weekend and get those calendars made. 

 haha...just noticed i have a Jr Ranger badge from Glacier Bay. i should wear that to the memorial.

 on my overnight sitter gig the other night i listened to podcasts and then i ended up watching a show on Netflix.  "Atypical".  it's a family with an autistic teenager. a little dysfunctional, but aren't all families. 

 cool mushrooms. 

 anyway, kind of liking it.  gotta get sucked into a show from time to time.

 i like easy no brainer shows i guess.  i know there are some really good dramas, but i think i get enough drama with work and this current political situation. 

 i think the ticket givers were out on  the trail today.  they drove by in a little golf cart thingee but said nothing.  i tend to put the dogs back on leash as i get close to the trail head so we walked past them.  they said thanks for having your dogs on leash....even though they had just seen my dogs off leash. 

 the pups are doing really good off leash and I'm still working on the on leash part.  overall though they are way better.  they will get there. 

 above isn't edible, below i think is...though i don't like to eat mushrooms.

 still need to get my flu shot.  maybe Friday on a break from class. 

 guess i should look at the talk again, do some tweaks and reprint it.  won't be going on memory for this one.  may need to stretch it out a bit...fear i will talk super fast as i tend to do when I'm nervous. 

 this is a puffball. I'm going to meet with Libs after class/work tomorrow to run through speech.  see if she thinks it's okay or if i should add more.

 spell check and I'm off to bed. it's always funny how i misspell the same words over and over again in life...like there are just certain words that i never have seemed to push into my brain after all these years.  before spell check there were some that i had obviously learned totally wrong but really believed i was right.  i wasn't. 

thankful for:  A.  dogs and walking  B.  some basic poetry skills and speech giving skills...it wasn't all the church, i took speech in college.  i took everything in college, i was pretty much constantly changing my major  C.  frost and coming snow...frozen dog poop time.  :-)