when did God become a competitive sport?

 everything in this nation is competitive.  seems no way to avoid it.  it has gotten to the point that for many how can they enjoy anything at all if they aren't out to cream someone else.  i read an article years ago. it was short but it spoke of allowing yourself to be mediocre in many things rather than feel the need to always reach for Olympic gold in anything you try. 

 we can't all be top in each thing but we seem to be very good at stressing ourselves out attempting to be...rather than just enjoying the thing we are doing or trying without putting so much added stress on it.  i did take it to heart and i am mediocre at many things and not sure i excel at anything.  there are for sure things i do better at than others, and no doubt there are things i am better than others at..but there usually are others who do even better. 

 why would religion be any different.  spirituality is no doubt more meant to be an individual sport...but our culture has found a way to make even individual sports very competitive. if it's not winning it's having the best gear or like in walking gear and doing certain amount of miles or just having to show off really.

 i have in the past thought it would be nice to join others who were like minded in things like hiking or photography...only to have it turn into repetitive conversations about who's gear is better or who walked more miles or did grander hikes or had better pictures of those hikes...it never seems to end.

 we just can't get out of the compare and contrast...and for many of us, we will always turn up short on the comparisons.  so who can be more spiritual.  i recall when i was younger we joked about this person or that person being a spiritual giant..i think we were joking. there was always those people who wanted to flaunt how much closer to God they were than we were.  how much more spiritual they were.

 in religion it was more of who had more intense religious experiences.  still always the compare and contrast.  it has become more and more it seems that this form of God is better than that one. somehow God is now ever present, involved in everyones decision making. 

 personally, i feel that a God of the entire universe is, quite frankly, way too busy to bother with me. I'm more of the opinion that God no doubt outsources most of that. Guardian Angels or family who have gone before us may take up the role we all presume is God himself.   that the prayers we send out in the universe either don't go very far or are rarely really reacted upon.  prayer can be comforting but i can't help but think of all the major tragedies that have occurred in this world and how no doubt in each and every one of those there have been thousands who have sent prayers up begging for intervention.  sadly, they found no miracle.  miracles are rare....that is why they are called miracles.  it does seem that God mostly just stays out of our lives here on earth. 

 this world does have a way of pitting religions against each other.  who can out God the other...or even among the prominent Christians of this culture, who can out Jesus the other. you watch these evangelical preachers living high on all the money they have collected from those who give their last cent to them.  they all give the impression that they somehow have a clear and close relationship with Jesus...like Jesus speaks directly to them.  i believe they are charlatans and that if there is a real God, in the end, they will be the most heavily punished.  using peoples faith to steal their funds.

 here we are though.  the evangelicals against the other Christians, the Christians against the Muslims, the Muslims against the Christians.  battling it out over who has the best God, the right God, who has God on their side.  the ultimate spiritual battle.

 now with Iran it may be playing out on a large scale soon.  yes, it is frustrating and so tough to see any way to repair years of damage in poor decisions made, greed, oil...to pretend we have not made mistakes when it comes to the middle east, that we don't continue to make mistakes.  to pretend that we care about those nations at all except that they have oil...i mean we let other nations battle it out and do not intervene.  we watch other people in very poor places suffer and die and do not intervene.  if they do not have something we want...

 that could be lucky in a way as then we leave them be.  we have inserted ourselves in the middle east for decades and i can't say our scheming has always been to their benefit but instead we have no doubt made things worse.  they have had their battles amongst themselves for generations. 

 i have said that we would be in much worse shape if they found a way to work together, but lucky for us they hate each other as well. they have been unable to organize enough to really do damage to us.  now...well, Iran was a nation battling itself and this assassination has done what i feared...brought them together with a common purpose.  even seems to be bringing Iraq in as well.  those GOP folks may have no idea what they have probably unleashed. 

 as i saw the God is love, We are all Gods Children folks scream for blood on the internet.  there were calls to drop nuclear weapons on these folks, calls to bomb the bridge where the people of Iran had gathered to support their nation after this assassination.  trump and his fools have created a martyr, they have given them all purpose to come together against all of us. they have taken people who could not get past their hatred of each other and have given them a common cause. 

 now, after 9-1-1, i too was ready to cry for blood.  i cheered when we dropped bombs in Iraq.  you live and you learn.  dropping bombs kills people just like you and I. war kills the innocents more than the guilty.  for every terrorist you kill, thousands of kind, hard working people die. the bad people tend to be protected and escape unscathed while the regular folks are in the line of fire.  they are the ones who can't find food, who watch their children die.  the evangelicals are screaming better them than us.  fear makes one thirst for blood, others blood. 

 it is a bit of the way the earth has worked since humans organized.  it can only support so many of each species.  humans destroy many species as they create more humans than the earth can comfortably support, but still eventually we reach maximum capacity.  if it's not a natural disaster that culls the human numbers it's a man made atrocity. 

 these pictures.  i worked last night in PICU.  i feel like i woke up late and got a late start, but of course i did...since i worked last night.  i headed to pet store to try to find booties for Tusker. i got the last pair. they were extra large but that didn't fit over his dressing.  just two more days of that but i still should keep it protected from potential frost bite...it's been below zero this week and will continue to be.

 we walked just up Campbell Airstrip and back.  he just wants to run though so i cut it short.  perhaps I'll try a bag tomorrow and let him run more.  can't really stop them. he hasn't bothered the dressing at all. 

 Ivy is healing as well.  my knots under my right scapula continue to bother me.  typing is not without some pain. bother!!

 these pictures are the rest of June and later a few more from my cruise with my niece.  still slowly making my way through photos from last year.  i need to get on trying to make some summer plans

 one last grebe egg, i don't think it ever hatched. 

 loon sighting. they are often found on local lakes.  saw a video once of a bunch of loons calling out...such a beautiful sound

 i have an early day tomorrow as i have a dentist appointment.  Monday walk as well.  not sure how many will join me....it's a day to bundle up.  layer up and it's fine...keep moving is always a good plan.  the dogs don't seem to mind.

 these birds are at Cheney Lake. 

 got to watch the adults catching little fish to feed to the babies

 they have all flown south now.

 it does seem clear that the risks posed by Iran were not as set in place as this administration would have us believe.  it's all their usual bluster of talking points without any real facts or substance. they have become quite adept at this.  as i said they seem to have a following that is ripe for the blood of others. if it's not the Iranians it could be their fellow citizens. 

 their hatred of liberals is so complete.  one post i saw on a relatives page was a "joke" about splitting up the United States.  it does feel when your family posts and likes things like this that you are quite expendable.  that they group you in with others that they disdain.  if this were Germany...would they turn us in...those of us who see things differently.  i can't conclusively say they wouldn't is the sad truth. admittedly, i have a lot of depression over their views and how they have just become trump fans. 

 i barely exist in their world.  an after thought in many cases.  i am alone on the holidays but i really believe that for some this is my punishment for walking away.  anything bad that happens to me is punishment for walking away.  we are on different sides of the river.  the river is running too fast and is too cold for us to cross over to each other so we drift further apart.

 for years i really put in more effort, i put in the bulk of the effort really.  it seems to me that to have actual relationships we have to be more involved in each others lives.  calling, texting.  there are so many methods available and yet weeks, months and even years pass with little or no contact from several of them.  others have improved so i try to just enjoy the ones who have made more attempts to include me and accept the limitations of the others

 when the rare visits have happened often there is negative that mars.  i think last summer it was enough for me.  when one doesn't bother to attempt to drive to see me and yet they all fly to see him when he flies a few hours....  i am the odd one out. they clearly have a great time together.  once i had a girl being mean to me.  one friend told me that if most like you and only one person doesn't then it's probably that persons issue.  if most do not like you and you can only find one or two that do like you then perhaps it is you.  so when it comes to family, it's me.  i am the one that doesn't work with it all. it's painful but i know it's best to leave them in peace to enjoy each other. 

 we all make choices and for many their choice has been clear.  distance, limited exposure.  it's time to accept and respect their wishes. 

 i have friends and i have my pets and i have a good life here. 

 some days are lonely, but i never fit in...so i was lonely before.  i was never a full member.  perhaps, i was just different all along.  i just saw the world through different eyes.  their world never worked for me no matter how i tried to make it work.

 i have never been very competitive.  i tend to bow out rather than fight.  i learned long ago to not beg people to do things they don't want to do. not force relationships...but family.  well i think you have hope longer that you will have that Norman Rockwell family.  that they will remember that you are alone on days when you are apt to be more lonely. that they will include you even though they rarely have in the past.  you hold out hope and that hope is tough to release.  i am trying though.

 anyway...since this administration acted unilaterally...not including Democrats or any of our allies, they are forcing us to go this alone.  we are already in a huge deficit.  adding yet another war to the mix will only hurt the average American more.  you know the wealthy will not suffer at all.

 another eruption on the Aleutians sent ash up 25,000 feet.  Shishaldin Volcano.

 these are from the second ruin we visited. 

 it is pretty amazing...but it was hot.  so hot! i was amazed how zapped my energy level was.

 we had a great trip out there.  it's hard to get me out of Alaska but if anyone was going to it was my niece. we are planning to head to Boston next fall to see my brother, his family, each other and fall colors.  others are welcome, but i will try to not have any expectations...expectations are the worst.  they tend to lead to disappointment. 

 the dogs are crashed. as i said, i have an early day tomorrow. 

 won't be easy to drag myself out of bed, especially when it's below zero out there. it's still beautiful though.

 like a rainy day, once i am out there i generally really enjoy being outside. 

 more jungle like at this second spot.  we never saw any wild critters out there though.

 societies grow and fail...we are just another society.  no better, no worse really.  just humans attempting to get along...currently failing miserably. 

 no idea how a nation finds a way back together.  our family can't see eye to eye...how can millions of people find a common purpose.  it shouldn't be in killing others. 

 you have to try and live your little insignificant life and find your own happiness.  remember what you can control and what is ultimately out of your control.  do what you can but let go of the stuff you can't change. it's frustrating though....and depressing.

thankful for: a.  the relative peace i have enjoyed my entire life  b.  that i have always had a place to live, food to eat, heat, plumbing... so many things we all take for granted.  c. for those in my life who see me for who i am and accept me for who i am.  those who remember me in those moments when i feel the most alone...they may not know that they have made a difference, but a call or a text can really brighten your day.