dread....

 am feeling dread at this time for returning to work.  did fine the first days off but these last few as it's gotten closer i feel more stressed.  we have no positive cases so i really shouldn't be as anxious as i am.  will head out for a walk as that is great therapy....as is the kitten.  Miss Breezy is not totally on  board with the kitten but the chasing and hissing has decreased these past few days.

 he is a pretty mellow little kitten. he's attacking my braid and purring at this time.  i may end up with a lot of cats by the time this is over, haha. 

 latest i heard is that n95 masks will be worn as long as you can.  i think my rotation plan is best if it comes to that. you can apparently order kn95 masks from Aliexpress out of China...but first delivery is 4/20 and that no doubt would be for the lower 48. it is tempting though...

 just had my eval for work....won't be losing my job anytime soon though i do often think about breaking an arm to get out of what may come.  a nurse committed suicide this week i read.  not surprising.  i'm under a lot of stress and i really have nothing to be stressed about yet, i have heard some horrible stories in the lower 48. nobody signed up for this.

 hopefully we get through it.

 it does seem like many are trying to socially isolate.  that is an easier thing here than in more heavily populated areas. pissed off my sister in law yesterday by commenting on a post.  it's not that she did anything wrong, it's more that it was just shocking and eye opening...it was a huge line for take out of cars.  i really have no idea what the risk is of transfer of this virus from this.  i also feel like it is important to support those that can work..but it also just feels like it may not be enough.  further steps haven't been demanded so she hasn't done anything wrong and i did not mean to infer she had.  it's just crazy.

 i have to remind myself that the death toll is still under 1000 at this time, despite many hospitals being overwhelmed and becoming overwhelmed. sadly, there is piss poor leadership from the top...non-existent really.  nothing has changed.  many on the right still seem to think this is some planned thing by China.  China should take some responsibility...and quite frankly, i should not be looking online in China to buy N95 masks...China should be shipping them out along with whatever gear they can to places like New York and Italy. it would be a good faith effort. sadly, our nation has a stock of such goods, but our potus hasn't opted to release those. 

 he wants governors, like the one in New York, to fawn over him. he holds grudges and treats the states that didn't vote for him worse than the states who did vote for him...even in a crisis.  he is petty and weak. he does nothing for the good of humanity unless he is treated like he's a God and gets something in return. we shall see if he does any better for New Orleans, as they are going down the crapper right now. Mardi Gras probably bumped up their cases.

 yesterday trump was out there saying the restrictions would no doubt be lifted by Easter Sunday so the churches could be filled on that day....well the hospitals would probably be filling up within a week or two of that foolishness.

 i know this is stressful for everyone. i am not alone.  we do have many things available to us that should and could make it a bit easier.  phones and the internet are great resources.

 haven't needed to put kitten in his crate...so probably after this next stretch i can just pack that up.  still need to sort out where he will eat.  don't want to force the two cats together. i'm giving him an extra tin of wet since he's growing.

 Alaska has only covid patient hospitalized and that patient is in Juneau. like Hawaii we have gone to a required 14 day quarantine for anyone who flies in.  my management was just saying her father lives in Valdez and they have clamped down and said that anyone that leaves, even within the state must do a 14 day quarantine.  i hope more places up here do this.  it is tough at the front end but i think it will make this whole thing go away much quicker.

 she, like many others have a parent to help watch her kids while she works.  my niece, who is a DR in CA, is anxious to even kiss her kids at this point.  many healthcare workers have sent their kids to live with other family in order to protect them from this. so i guess i hear their stories and i have less patience with others.  this really is a little pain up front will help our entire community in the long term.

 Prince Charles has tested +, London is on lockdown. Italy numbers are still climbing, their deaths are well over anyone elses with Spain climbing at this time. we are highest in new cases but we also have a crap ton more humans. China is still getting cases and scattered deaths. Iran admits to over 2000 deaths.  Israel seems to be having a bump in cases along with several other european nations. India went into total shut down.

 UK numbers do not look very high...lack of testing like us i think.  they have had a bit of a delay in reacting, which is sad as they are an island so it seems it could be easier to control borders.

 Alaska gets one death, but the person did not die here, they died in Washington.  from here though. the US is over 60,000 cases with many more not tested no doubt. half of those positives are in New York. people can drive all over though in the lower 48. 

 it's nice that the chasing isn't as regular with Sir Covi Cat.  the cat even managed to get into the office by my chair with the two dogs laying down in here. not sure where we will walk today. i know the tide is going out.  it's cloudy out as well. Campbell Airstrip has just been more packed this week.  N. Biv isn't very crowded so it has been my go to place.

 these were out at Oceanview Bluff park.  quite a few moose that day.  the last time i socialized really.

 part of me is tempted to look into a car...they aren't selling anything and it would probably be a great time to get a crazy deal.

 i will admit that the major decrease in flights has made it more peaceful.  you don't realize how noisy all those planes are until they are silenced.  i've heard air pollution is down in many places as well.

 the moose are no doubt are just waiting for spring to come. i did see some little sprouts starting.  yesterday i hit the gasline/powerline but took the back trail up there. no eagles seen. perhaps i'll do the big loop today. if the parking lot isn't too full at Campbell Airstrip perhaps i'll change it up.

 these guys are about ready to walk..over ready to walk.  i've actually taken stuff to help me sleep this week..which is unusual. 

 these are from the restart of the Iditarod.  i'll cruise through these.  always love the dog teams.

 the latter teams really had to deal with the deep snow

 i am feeling tired, Tusker is feeling excited to get walking. he is whining by me.

 now i have them both here...

 i will buzz through this.  it's good for me to write and vent though. 

 i have been texting from time to time with a few nieces who are in similar situations.  the anxiety is a bit much.  never thought i'd be this impacted without actually having been faced with a positive patient. perhaps it will actually be better once i have. the fear of the unknown is sometimes worse than the actual.  always try to avoid crossing bridges before i get to them as one friend long ago said.

 what we imagine is worse than the truth in most cases...clearly there are some really terrible stories out there with this covid stuff. i pulled myself off a covid healthcare group just because it isn't going to help me to read all the horror stories. 

 i also don't watch Trumps daily bull shit sessions.  it's too infuriating.

 the scene on the lake at the restart.

 the snow fell the entire time.

 you can see it loading up on the sled. a bit of drag for the dogs

 my little spot

 small businesses can apply for federal disaster loans.  i do hope that we can recovery fairly quickly though reports i've read in China are that things are slow in returning to any sort of normalcy and as i said, they are still getting cases that are positive and rare deaths. under control but not over for sure. it could peak again fairly quickly.

 i still think with our extensive global travel and dependence these outbreaks will be more and more pandemic in nature.  we are just so interwoven in each others lives at this point.  that can be good but it also has a down side. 

 self quarantine after travel abroad may not be an irrational thing.  more space and distance is good for other things as well as pandemics...like the usual bugs that go through our communities. at least a thorough scrubbing seems to be happening in many businesses.

 not so much at my place. i've accomplished very little this stretch off.  it's pretty pathetic.

 the GOP never gives up....Texas and other states are moving to ban any abortions during the pandemic deeming them not essential.

 happy dogs, happy humans....i've got a few dogs to make happy now.

 guess i was supposed to be handing out forms for others to fill out about me.  we were always supposed to be doing this. i think i just never really figured that out. 

 oh well. i am in no way a perfect employee.  she did say that when she was doing the eval on a tech who is debating becoming an MD vs an RN...he said if he becomes an RN, he would want to be one like i am.  who goes to all the different critical care units. i've heard that a few times.  it is nice to hear. 

 getting around, Alaska style

 probably should eat something.  i am mostly snacking. i do realize that with a family, meal planning remains a big element...thus my sil going to pick up something.  perhaps i will lose weight though this covid thing...stress tends to make me lose my appetite. i really never meant it as a personal attack...it was just shocking, which she said it was shocking to her to see the lines, which is why she took the photo.

 what can i say, i'm an ass sometimes. 

 the faces came out dark in these due to the snow and my lack of photography skills.  i actually like how Mackey looks in the photo below.  like a real mountain man

grateful for a. a supportive management team in the resource pool...they can only work with what they have.  b. support of friends and family, especially those who understand the added stress of being a healthcare worker in these times.  c. the daily dog walk and the fun kitty times...great stress relief.