snow and snow sculptures...

 it's Fur Rondy time.  i did miss most of the weekends activities.  i worked a few nights, one night in ICU the next in CICU.  the third night...i called out.  night shift can be exhausting, my cough and shortness of breath had increased.  when i woke up Saturday i knew it was time to call out. 

 we tend to avoid it...nurses, doctors, most hospital staff come in.   we are told to not come in sick but also can get reprimanded if we call out. most of the time that i am sick...i got sick at work.  we pick up germs in the hospital.  i feel like i have a pretty dang good immune system and i battle off much of it, but we still get the bugs we fight off in others.

 as i said in the previous post. we go in.  the place would be in trouble if anyone with the sniffles or a little cough called out.  these places down south quarantining staff who are ill or were possibly exposed...we are in trouble when we have nights with 20+ crew call out...that is unusual.  let alone having 50+ staff stay home.  cutting back the staff at a hospital is a luxury most cannot afford. also telling the public to run to a clinic anytime they get the sniffles is silly too.  that just brings more germs to the hospital.  if you have mild symptoms stay home. 

 above is an octopus wrestling a submarine, above that are two of my favorites....they will show up at different angles below.  a hermit crab...great detail!  the other is a polar bear taking a selfie along with a narwhal whale and a walrus...the walrus is nicely detailed i think as well.

 i'm happy i headed over there Sunday afternoon since the next 12 + hours the snow really came down. i'm sure much of these sculptures are buried a bit. 

 my original plan was to  walk dogs, toss them in the car and then watch the dog mushing sprint racers go past the dog park at University Lake..i did manage that.  my next plan was to zip home and drop off my dogs and head downtown.  i ran out of steam though so i ended up resting and heading over later....missing all the afternoon festivities....but i did get to see the sculptures.

 i get a lot of respiratory bugs.  any virus i get tends to turn in to bronchitis at some point.  that is often worse than the original virus.  i have learned to read my body.  since i walk nearly every day this is a great way for me to get a feel for what is going on. i have been more short of breath the last several days and am back on my inhalers. 

 i try not to let it totally take me out of life.  even when i had influenza A a few years back i managed to paint my deck and fences.  i would rest for a bit and then head outside for fresh air and to try and get some fence painted.  not a job that had to be done all at once stretch.  i think fresh air is good.  some exercise also helps to open up the lungs and cough the crap out..with the influenza that also meant coughing until i puked, but eventually i kept enough down.  i did hit the urgent care once as i had a fever over 101F for 3-4 days straight...along with coughing and puking...i figured i was dehydrated..sadly, the urgent care i went to doesn't do fluids, which was my hope. they did give me the diagnosis and kicked me out.  no follow up.

 so this corona stuff....they haven't even bothered to test anyone for it.  they waited too long to get tests out and i doubt that most who come in will be tested anyway....unless they have obviously traveled recently or are super sick.  it's still not a test that is available in the various hospitals...it's a send out test.  most of us will be fine.  wash your hands and surfaces.  don't freak out but also it should be taken seriously when we have a newer bug or altered bug ....mostly because if we aren't careful the vulnerable among us will suffer and possibly die. 

 i did go to my doctor again with the influenza when i had pain in my chest after weeks of coughing.  i had gotten well enough to go out on a kayaking trek with friends, but with each paddle dip the pain increased...when i got home all my muscles seemed to seize up.  i then freaked myself out a bit....so to the doctor i went.  costochondritis was the diagnosis.  xray was negative for anything worse thankfully. so i have learned to do more than the average person probably does when i am in the throws of an illness.  probably too much really.

 being alone probably is a part of that. nobody else is going to get up and feed the dogs or do the other tasks. i have never been served when i'm sick. 

 and yes, that is Yoda in snow above. 

 next weekend is the Iditarod start. always fun.  i saw that Alaska Air (which is now based out of Seattle) is going to drop it's sponsorship next year.  this was exactly the little war i waged with a woman on line regarding mushers sleeping and how that sort of thing could give fools like PETA cause to push for sponsorship loss. i am saying i told you so in my head and wondering if she is now getting what it was i was warning her about. 

 i don't get to be right in life.  we rarely do.  i think we all wish that just once someone would return  and say, omg, you were right about this or that.  oh to be right!!

 mostly, i know i feel that many in my life see me as some sort of lunatic left wing freak....which is actually funny because though to them i seem far left to my friends who are far left i no doubt seem fairly centric. that is how it is. mostly i speak out a lot.  that can make people uncomfortable.  we do like to think we are right...sadly, we can't all be right all the time. 

 growing up it seemed odd that i had been put in the right everything.  it's just not possible.  you have to question things.  i questioned a lot of things.  stuff just seemed so odd to me, even at a pretty young age.  nobody is so lucky that everything in their life that they started with is true and right.  i questioned, and i sought out answers.  do i have all the answers, no.  at this point i feel like it isn't really necessary to know all the answers.  it's mostly important to just strive to be a decent person. 

 different brains just see the world differently.  some ask more questions.  some are happy with what is laid out for them.  if it works for them, that should be okay, but when what works for them doesn't work for you.....well you should be allowed to do something different.  sadly, when what works for them doesn't work for you...there is no gentle way to walk away without offending some.

 i think also that many in this world stay with what they know, because it's safe and comfortable.  fear is a big driver of action.  some can't drift too far from that comfort.  that isn't terrible, but that fear can lead folks to stay in religions, relationships, political view points that no longer really work for them.  fear can lead to resentment.  i am not to blame for others giving in to fear and not following their hearts.  for myself, i needed to live my life.  i needed to walk away from the things that didn't feel right to me. 

 i really believe i tried for years to maintain connections..more i think, i'm less willing to be anything but who i am.  accept it or don't, but i no longer feel like i need to try to pander to others views of who i should be and what i should say.  if i offend, tough.  if you don't like my truth, tough.  if you want to avoid me, fine. 

 you are either all in or out.  you accept me or you don't.  i have no desire to play the games. the lies.  do not feel you need to make excuses for me...i never asked anyone to  make excuses for me.  when i fail i own it.  i am imperfect so i make mistakes and i will have regrets. i refuse to play the game of pretending i am already some perfect being.  i refuse to put up appearances.  i am who i am. sometimes that means i spend more time alone...well, that is just how it has to be, i'd rather be alone and secure in myself than surrounded and living some fantasy fake life.  i no longer will be the one blamed for it all.  i put in a lot of effort and it wasn't always returned in kind.

 i refuse to beg.  be around me, call me, hang with me...or don't.  it's not all on me, nor should it be.  it took years for me to learn to let go, to not feel the guilt, to not feel i was the one who was failing or that i wasn't deserving.  i am deserving.  i don't feel lovable much of the time, but i know i have as much right to be loved as the next person.  i am no better, no worse. 

 being single, you are avoided, you are the untouchable in society often..literally, rarely touched.  you aren't invited places, you are the forgotten ones.  forgotten when the party invites go out. forgotten when the holidays roll around.  it is what it is.  some days it's no big deal and other days it can be painful.  i know though, that others lives also come with doubts and fears and problems. 

 i also do not have a partner that i fear or one that comes home drunk or gambles away our mortgage.  i have a home and heat and water and electric.  there is far more that is good in my life than bad...it makes the days that are lonely bearable. 

 there were some loses that make me sad but i have zero regrets for the overall life choices i have made.  those choices were brave when i didn't believe i could be brave.  they got me here.  i am strong.  i have courage....i can also be weak and scared, but mostly, i was brave.  change can be terrifying, but also exciting.  you just have to be willing to step across the threshold.  if you are too afraid to take those first steps out of the known and safe, you will never know what you might have missed out on.  you can always make a u-turn and go back to the safe and known...but most of the time people don't.  once they step away from the comfort, step away from the fear...they just keep moving.

 this is Mr Potato head, above that there was a mushroom with a face.  the hearts looked cool and intricate, but i will admit i never really got what that sculpture was about. 

 the snow started to really start coming down as i was there at the display.

 today, i ended up cancelling the Monday walk.  if i'd been healthy it would have been a great day to jump out and toss on snowshoes.  i really just didn't think i had enough energy for snowshoes and breaking trails.  i shoveled snow in the back, then rested, then shoveled snow in the front, and rested...eventually, i did get the driveway shoveled and the dogs got taken to the dog park.  boring i know.  still pretty.  the sun came out.

 thankfully, the dogs don't really care where they go.  they also got some indoor tennis ball/laser light play time.  i just rested between activities.  i was tired just doing the loop at the dog park.  the main loop was packed down fairly nicely by the time i got out. 

 then off to the pharmacy for new inhalers and some nasal sprays...have heard from a few that these have been helpful for the sinus component of this thing, whatever it is.  maybe we all have corona? 

 the little free library has more icicles on it and now lots more snow.  i did get a chance to chat with the neighbor....her dogs have really don't more damage to the fence. i just asked that she put some sort of block up so that neither of us ends up with a houseful of dogs.  we both have dog doors so if they break through, we will essentially have one yard. 

 snoopy on his dog house.

 sleeping polar bear....always a favorite.

 Tusker has been a bit of a chatterbug this week.  he loves his laser light...sadly with the light increasing his laser days are becoming shorter.  poor Tusker...there is always next winter.

 i was a bit obsessed with the walrus on this one sculpture..surprise! i'm looking for booster pins as well.....there is a walrus musher on that one!!

 i will have to buy extras.

 when i picked up my inhalers i noticed signs that said they were out of masks and hand sanitizer.  as i mentioned masks don't really work for prevention...unless you are wearing them because you are sick...like we do at work.  gives me something to cough into, better than coughing on my sleeve.  it can only do so much.  i feel the same about the whole gowning thing....with how often we are putting those on and taking them off, my guess is that they may even aid in the spread...some studies seem to back that up. 

 with all that snow i had to hunt in the front driveway for my paper this morning.  i did smartly take one of the giant tennis balls out to play catch with.  the pups did have a great time in all that deep light snow.  they are super happy dogs.

 Streeper won the sprint races from this weekend....his 8th win. Mackey was in but he had apparently dropped out of the race before Sunday....which i was bummed to hear.  was looking forward to seeing him out there. 

 not often you see Narwhals and walrus in snow sculpture contests.  i would like to head north to Fairbanks for the Ice Sculptures...always fun too. 

 maybe the dogs and i will check that out this year. 

 i better head to bed.  time to snooze

thankful for A. those in the family and friends who accept me for who i am, flaws and all.  B. dogs, dogs and more dogs..it's Iditarod time again.  :-)  C. snow...fresh, beautiful snow!!