each day an adventure in alaska: is feeling a bit peeved....

so i thought i would clear my head and try to move the day forward in a better spirit.

a few positive encounters before i even leave the house...

i heard the recycling truck pull up as did the dogs. my recycling was lifted up and then it stopped and i heard the guy jump out of the truck. i feared there was some issue with the recycling or something...but he jumped out and zipped over to the little free library and selected a book and jumped right back into the truck.

next time i woke up it was the neighborhood watch neighbor out and about. he recently had a stroke, i'd been concerned because he hadn't been out and about. he's back out there though. still smoking, but shuffling around. he's taken to moving everyone's trashcans back from the curb after pick up.

yesterday i got a walk in at Kincaid. it's cloudy out today which makes moving slower i think. i have a list of appointments to schedule. i hate doing that i think because it means i will be obligated time wise soon.

covid has put off the usual appointments though. it's time to get back to it.

i'm currently sitting on the edge of the seat since Covi Cat as claimed the office chair for his nap. i had to stop mid bed linen change as Ivy claimed it as her nap spot. this is the life i live.

more frustrated than peeved i guess. it shouldn't surprise or bother me but i am human and things will bother me.

no matter what i do the worst will be assumed of me but another sibling, it doesn't matter what he does, he is forgiven, excused and welcomed. i can't fix it, i can't change it. i am trying hard to just change my reaction to it...some days are just easier than others. is it that i left the church? is he just more likeable? is it a male/female thing? females are often seen as hysterical in this world and males as rational, no matter what.

we did a loop in Jodphur yesterday, not too much ice and the big puddles that are usually there have dried up enough to pass by. the loop took us to the trail along the coast that leads back to the dunes.

of course, i'm always a bit anxious of the drop off's and Tuskers tendency to chase various small animals...and Ivy's tendency to follow him. especially after her surgery. so i was calling out, "on trail" often. probably a good idea anyway since i ran into some other walkers who had just seen a brown bear. i had bear spray, they did not.

watched a bit of a program on Sept 11. i was literally in the middle of nowhere for that day so i was protected a bit from the hell of it. hearing the stories of those who barely got out of the towers. who saw the bodies laying about of those who were desperate and jumped, who saw and heard those bodies hit the ground. those who had to make choices that nobody should ever have to make. it really just sounds so horrific. the terror so many endured for those hours is just impossible to comprehend.

i left another painted rock out at the dunes. kind of a fun little game. may do some more painting. it should relax and refocus me. i also have been wanting to get back on the guitar and perhaps writing more. kids songs perhaps. could be fun.

it looks like some glimpses of sunshine are appearing out here. i may have to head out there soon.

started the process of ripping out stuff in the downstairs bath. thinking i'd like to find hexagon tile for both bathrooms...perhaps a dark grey downstairs and white upstairs. took measurements again and will need to start pricing it out. the downstairs will need a new toilet, the one that is in there is pretty old.

it's a bother dealing with the washer and dryer but i know the folks that lay tile do deal with that stuff. i'll try to rip out what i can to decrease the demo time they have to deal with....also to make sure they don't just put the tile on top of several layers of old stuff like they did upstairs.

the upstairs tile was done once but i've never really been happy with it. time to repair it.

the doors will be next project after i get the floors done. i tried a little spruce on the downstairs door with paint but i'm not all that keen on that now either.

will probably do that new waterproof flooring downstairs. still deciding about the stairs. really hate carpet, but also have to make sure it's not too slippery for dogs and me. also how expensive will it be? would like new railing as well.

dread moving all the stuff too....though the best thing in life is moving out of a space and purging the crap that is there.

young bald eagle

on occasion i was able to get the dogs to relax....not easy

Ivy is feeling especially Ivy like these days which is great...she is back

the quote i'm trying to fix in my head today..." why stress over someone who doesn't even ask if you're okay?" unknown...but again. so true.

Covid has been very good at making clear a few things in this life...what i do with that information is up to me of course. keep hoping and beating myself up or let go and walk away. neither is really an easy choice, but it is still a choice.

old barrels on the beach...

the new car is getting 30mpg. not bad. it is nice to be at the gas station less...when i do go the savings from Fred or Carrs will have collected for a longer time and increase my savings at the pump.

as i tossed tp in the cart the other day i was thinking that forevermore folks from this time will probably always make sure they are well stocked with toilet paper and cleaning supplies.

some of us are meant to travel mostly alone in this world. it's not always easy. i try to see it as the lesson that i must have wanted to learn. standing on my own. i always feel we have lessons we wish to learn in each life and ways are created to help us with our goals. the struggle is something we asked for perhaps to become more enlightened in a specific area...for me, this also explains why we should try hard to not judge others paths. none of it is easy.

sometimes i have the urge to judge hard. people can be so frustrating. life can feel so unfair.

then i remind myself of all the great gifts this life has brought me. many that are above and beyond what others have. i do not deserve any of it more than any one else. luck of the draw in some ways, in other ways you will balance the good with a dose of the difficult.

i just don't like to be fake about it all. i can't stand the culture of pretending that lives are perfect when they are really all just a mixture of perfect and terrible. loved and lonely. sadness and joy.

guess i could make the bed and a few appointments! Ivy has moved and Covid Cat is shifting

laundry to be done.

and that is how we get through the difficult days. we plug away, doing the tasks, getting ourselves up and out. for me, walking, feeling the sunshine. seeing the beauty that is out there. getting in some cat and dog time. reading, writing...

on days when you are frustrated or peeved or anxious...you pull up, re-focus and start again in hopes it reboots you.

we will all end up buried or cremated or some other thing in the end...we have today. best to not let myself get mired in the murkiness of life.

many lessons to take from dogs. they never seem to let crap bug them. they have loyalty that is unmatched. they seem incapable of seeing any negative in me.

dogs are happy with the simply things of daily life. a tennis ball thrown, a treat, a pet.

why do i make my own life so much more complicated that i have to? why do i allow others to have a negative impact on the days i have to exist.

ashes to ashes....

or for us up here, season to season. it changes daily. each day is a new start.

i will be off to conquer the day...or at least just the laundry.

do not waste your time on those who haven't bothered to see if you are okay...if a pandemic can't make them be bothered to ask, when you work in the thick of it..it was never going to happen.

mostly, i miss my Mom. every day. we used to speak almost every day. i miss that constant in my life. i know i hoped that others in the family would some how be able to help fill that hole...but the truth is that was never going to happen. they have had their own lives, before and after her death. that loss will never be filled. as a single person, it meant the world to have one person who cared each day about your existence and the little details of your life.