Sunday, March 27, 2011
just one of those days....
occasionally, i feel so cut off from the rest of the world. today was one of those days. a day of isolation. i'm sure most people feel that from time to time. when i woke up i had thoughts of fun things to do this weekend. wanted to hit a hockey game tonight and maybe rent a cabin tomorrow night. unfortunately, there was nobody to do those fun things with and most days that is fine, but then a day like this comes along. even as i went to meet friends for a movie i found myself driving towards the hockey game and thus i went the wrong way and was late to the movie. there have been plenty of times i've just done things i've wanted to do alone, and i probably should have just done that today. no doubt i would have enjoyed the hockey game more than the movie and if you are feeling melancholy should you really expose others to your bad day? or maybe just when you really feel like doing something, just do it and if that means you go alone, then go alone. better to do that and be happy than to possibly bring others down. my policy for others is never to beg others to do stuff, when you convince someone to do something the end result is usually less fun for all. i just felt obligated to be around other people and since they didn't want to do what i wanted, well, you just compromise.
it was a beautiful day. did enjoy the walk with the dogs. we just walked up patterson and through the trail that connects the streets and then to cheney lake and back to the bog. i got to the pool early and did my laps thinking that would free me up for the game. don't know why i get a day like this. just get stubborn i guess, wanting to do what i want and wishing i had someone in my life that wanted to just hang with me and do the stuff i like sometimes. i have loads of friends, but right now i feel a bit like the second string with most people around. like, i'm cool to hang with if the person they usually hang with isn't there or if what i'm doing is what they like to do. just the old theme of life that haunts you some days. felt a bit like an afterthought my whole life, i suppose that inner child escapes and ruins a day every so often.
i think the pictures reflect my feelings of the day. in addition, i looked up the beach house of my youth. the beach house in laguna is owned by someone new. the sweet beach house i rented in ketchikan is on the market. looks like they somehow combined the two side by side cabins and remodeled it to one. they are asking 425,000 for the little place. was sweet living on the water. maybe that was all a bit depressing today. spoke to someone who often talks, but doesn't listen. some days you just want to be heard. i suppose that is why i blog. we all just want to be heard some days.