Sunday, May 8, 2011

what i do when i'm not spraying breastmilk in my eyes....

seems fitting being that it's mothers day officially now. of course, i'm not a mom and my mom has passed so this holiday is more of a reminder of the loss of my mother and my not being a mom. hmm. not that i was ever desperate for parenthood. i suspect if i'd really wanted to take on the role of parent i would have been less careful in years past.
never met the right guy and when i matured sufficiently to understand the truths of life, i realized that single parenthood is not something to aspire to. it's a rough job. there are some perks to being a single female. for me, enjoy the life of a single female or settle down with what i think is the right guy and have a family.those were the choices. since plan B never panned out, plan A worked out. those who are happiest in life can roll with the punches. life doesn't follow some plan you laid out, you have to adjust and adjust and through it all find your peace and your happiness.

these first pictures are from my walk today in kincaid, jodphur loop. it's somewhat muddy in a few patches but overall okay.....but you are probably more curious about the breastmilk in the eye thing. i'm a nurse and i work with both adults and kids. with babies who are sick we try and tube feed them breast milk if at all possible. not going to get into a breast milk argument here. it's the intended diet of babies and thus if available a great idea. i, myself, was probably never breastfed as it just wasn't how things were done in that era. maybe i was though at least for a period of time. so many questions you would ask, but can't. it's amazing how many things you wished you had asked your mom about and then they are gone and you can't.

so anyway, after i put my patients, mothers breastmilk into the feeding bag, i snapped shut the lid. when i did this i got sprayed in the eye with tiny bits of breastmilk. hazard of the job. eyes really aren't good conduits for disease spreading so i haven't been really worried. did rinse the heck out of my eye. if you are a nurse for any amount of time you will have some body fluid stories. this one is fairly tame compared to some other encounters i've had over my 17 years as a nurse. before that i worked as an animal health tech for a number of i've had more than the average encounters with body fluids of a variety of sorts.

it is mothers day so happy mothers day to all those out there. am grateful that i had a mom who tried to do right by us all and did so with a smile and a hug. parenting is not an easy job and many fall short. sometimes i find that i'm more critical of others who have the role as i feel it's a role to be cherished. hard to watch people who have been gifted with these small beings not take thier job seriously and screw it all up. won't say my mom was perfect, we are all humans. my mom sacrificed for us all. 7 kids in 10 years takes a toll on ones body as well so i must be grateful for the selfless act of giving your body over to a being in production.

my mom was easy with a smile, easy with a song, and easy with the candy. she loved her tomatoes, ate em over the sink, holding that salt shaker. chocolates were stashed in several places, i always found the hiding places. my mom loved to read and instilled that love in all of us, she was also a stickler for spelling and grammer. i don't know how many times i would say "me and marie are going to..." and she'd gently correct that to "marie and i". when i'd scream i hated something, she'd kindly state, you don't hate, you may strongly dislike, but you don't hate. (marie was the neighbor kid my age and we did everything together)

this is rio in lead, which generally means she's found a scent.

poem i wrote years ago for mom... (old poem)

The Grass Grew Green

you wait for me to grow,

into the woman you dreampt i'd be,

when i was a child,

and although i may not be all desired,

you loved me.

i've watched you grow as i've grown,

for the trials i've had were yours as well,

each time my eyes drained,

my anguish and fears,

your love pulled me through.

as a raindrop,

i fell to the earth,

into puddles and mud,

but with your help,

the grass grew green.

new poem:

hello heaven,

is my mom there yet?

still waiting for her to call,

so much left for us to say,

i was so hoping she'd answer today.

no doubt she's stopped,

to help another along her way,

she was always there,

for those in need,

cooking a meal,

listening, laughing,

always time for others,

yet still some time for me.

or maybe she heard a pretty song,

and stopped to join in the chorus strong,

music always filled her heart,

i sing those songs though we are apart,

they comfort me,

please sing along.

i miss your voice,

i miss your songs,

i miss the laughter

i miss you mom.

when you get to heaven,

don't forget to call.

well, i certainly spent more time on the poems i wrote my mom for mothers day. these birds are in the bog here. in between shifts i often do a loop in the bog or i will hit the dog park. i was enjoying the reflections and i really love the clarity of all those feathers.

work week went relatively well. my first nights assignment was annoying. i have some theories on the mothers of chronic children. not all mind you. there are some lovely people out there and i can't imagine what their day to day lives are, the sacrifices they have made for these speical needs kids can be great. still, i find there are a few that have given too much and they can't pull themselves back again. the truth is if anyone can take care of your child then what is the point of it all. since they probably can't handle the reality of thier situation they must make you feel incompetent. it was so difficult to figure what she wanted my role to be as thier nurse and it changed the more tired she became.

the next two nights i had one baby on a vent. kept me busy. sick kid, but hopefully, all will be well later on.

it rained a bit and i was so hoping it would stick like that through my days of work. this morning as i drove home it was 50 degrees and beautiful. i felt too sleepy to get out for a walk this morning, but the dogs both insisted on taking a nap on the back deck. how could i refuse. they look so happy out there. i ended up just laying on the couch and dozing off. so not my best sleep. besides that i have gotten a few nasty canker sores. one is under my tongue and another is at the base of my tongue. what i'm saying is that there may be many typos in here. last night i laughed with the doc as i had read her note and she mentioned this kid was moving all 6 extremeties. i told her i had surmised what his 5th extremity may be, but i was quite lost about the 6th extremity. don't know how those doctors do it sometimes, being blitzed out and still trying to make life and death decisions for others. crazy. we both got a good laugh though and humor is always a good thing when you work in the medical field.

plants are begining to show life. bought this cilantro. if i see it i buy it, seems there have been a few years where there weren't any cilantro plants and also no seeds even. love cilantro though. it's a great treat mixed in with my nacho's.

the tomato plant seems to have survived his replant. there are a few buds on there. guess i'm supposed to be a bee and polinate the buds so that i can get tomatos. i'm still not confident these will end up having real live tomatoes. i'm happy to have tomatoes if it works. i wont' be eating them over the sink with salt though. right now i can barely eat anything for these dang cankers. gree.

this is from yesterdays post dog walk deck time in the sun.

we hit the dog park as well. always a favorite. as you may be able to see, i totaly neglected to put on rio's collar. went fine overall. just have to watch her she doesn't catch a scent and take off.

blossom enjoyed the day as well.

as you can tell, i'm getting sleepier and sleepier. had so many intellectual thoughts running thru my brain to share, but i'll have to live with the knowledge that i am now unable to utter intelligent thoughts...or type for that matter.

the afternoons have been glorious. today it did sprinkle a bit. luckily, the bad weather started after my walk was over. i stopped off at the bike shop, despite not having really taken a good ride, and bought a little bell to put on the bike. i like when people warn you they are coming up behind you so you can get the dogs together.

these last pics are back in the bog.

thought they looked quite lovely. such great days we are having.

didn't make any dents in my to do list today though i did get my swim and walk in, some laundry started and...well ye ol cat litter box is cleaned. yeah me!!

no major moose sightings. the news has been turned off mostly due to annoyance. the media can really take any interesting story and suck the life out of it. wish they would just report the news and not try and be all intellectuallizing crap. was thinking the other day that in years past journalists didn't have degrees in journalism, they had degrees in history or political science. they never posted stories without fact checking details. the first announcements by news on the whole bin laden death were often fraught with inaccuracies. kinda a sad commentary. i must applaud CNN as i heard a few of thier newscasters discussing this very thing. the one guy said hte old saying was "get it first, but get it right" most media has focused on the get it first, but less so on the get it right.

it's too bad they are getting less and less trusted to actually have the real story.

well, i really have hit my wall and my intellect has turned off for the night.

again, wishing all moms out there the best...thank you for putting in the time, effort and energy to creat good people in our world. lord knows we need more of the good people.

No comments:

Post a Comment