with over 20 years in this amazing place. it's never dull. i hope to enjoy years of exploration here.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
just me and the dogs. we took a slow walk out gasline/powerline/tank today. chocked on water at some point which led to a lovely gagging coughing spell. very nice. feeling like a social outcast for sure. thank god for the dogs. walked yesterday at rovers with a few friends, but between rio and my coughing and shortness of breath i really couldn't keep up that well. felt bad holding them back and being a germ. should have just walked alone. thought it would be good to be out with other humans.
went up patterson the other evening. i had some annoyed energy and i hadn't gotten them out yet. this is a doodle that lives up the road. we hardly ever see this guy, but as you can see blossom was very happy to say hello to her old buddy! they only know each other through the fence. would be so fun to let them romp together sometime.
was annoyed at a friend who is also single and whom i've checked in on when she doesn't feel good. as a matter of fact i did this for weeks on end this past year. she hadn't done the same for me. it's not even that so much, it's just that this friend will never ever say "i'm sorry" or admit that perhaps she may have been wrong. i'm sure i totally ticked her off as i was emotional and fragile. she just took it personal rather than get that i was the one who was in pain. sometimes you should just take the bullet if only to make someone else be in less pain. you shouldn't always have to be right. somehow it's my fault as it always seems to be. it's like my father all over. he would do something that would hurt my feelings and then somehow flip it around so it was him that was hurt and me that was in the wrong. i can be tough but i can also be sensitive.
it's not really that this particular person didn't check in, it's that i have nobody that i am in regular contact with who would notice that i am sick. it's that days can go by and my phone won't ring and my text won't chime off. most the time, it doesn't matter really, but when you are sick to have to beg people to just check in on you seems pathetic and lonely. i miss having those good friends. i've had them over the years. they don't need to be asked to text you or talk to you. they actually just enjoy chilling with you, swapping stories. i just don't have a person like that in my life right now. as you get older it's harder to find these people. everyone is just more busy with their own stuff, their kids, their lives. you shouldn't have to be asking people to check in on you when you are sick, real friends will just do that because they want to, because they care, and because they were checking in anyway.
you can't creat friendships like that, they just happen. i'm not the most social person. i'm not saying i don't have friends, i do. there is difference though between general people you do stuff with from time to time and a true friend who has a vested interest in you. watched a movie last night. it was set in china. old and new. in olden times i guess some women would like swear to be friends for life....like sisters. the story followed a pair of friends in modern times and a pair from the days of old. the older ones had gotten their feet bound together the same day. that looked horrible. wonder who decided tiny feet were the way to go? anyway. it was not always easy maintaining friendships over the years and all the changes but they were still invested in each others lives and people respected that they were bound to each other by this oath that had been formed between them when they were still girls. it was called, "snowflower and the secret fan".
the animals sleeping are always so peaceful to me.
it was a beautiful day today. the temperatures are mild and there is a constant drip everywhere...it's starting to thaw. soon it will be spring. first we have break up. i even put a blockade up on the front deck and sat out there with blossom for a bit. it was just so lovely out.
overall, i think i am improving. still tired, but not as tired, still coughing, but not as bad. still an occasional sore throat, but better. my goopy eyes are almost not goopy any more. hopefully, the improvement curve goes much quicker now. 3 days of work this week. don't want to miss anymore work. not sure what missing last week will do for my orientation schedule. probably just be on my own now everywhere. they have me down for peat the last day this week and all three days next week. i'll figure it out.
watched my other netflix movie last night, "in a better world". some aspects of friendship. one weak friend gets sucked into doing something bad by a stronger friend who has anger and no idea how to diffuse it. it's all okay in the end i guess. the one kids father is fairly passive. he's a doctor and goes out in the bush to do clinics. it's set in africa somewhere. he keeps treating these women/girls who have been cut up by this nasty warlord dude. one day the warlord guy comes in asking for treatment. he treats him as he feels obligated to as a doctor. once the guy is ambulatory however and says some horrible comment in response to seeing another victim of his die, the doctor says, you are walking your treatment is done and he knocks him over and drags him out of the clinic. the locals take their revenge and he just turns his back. we can all only take so much.
rio again crosses the bridge. once you've accomplished something once, it gets easier. lots of people out there enjoying the day.
tired to take some easter pictures of the pups. not sure these were the best, they were less than cooperative..oh well. a few photo's were posted and enjoyed.
do love these dogs. i think the kitten enjoyed some porch time today as well. she wouldn't go past where blossom was laying down.
another day, another round of bitching and whining. my apologies...this is where i clear my head. this and walking. been a lonely week. that happens to us all i think. even people surrounded by others get lonely from time to time...sometimes even more so. when you are surrounded by people you have expectations that those things will be fulfilled and you won't be lonely so it's almost worse to be lonely when you aren't alone.
have lived in alaska since 1995, lived in ketchikan for 6 years and here in anchorage since 2001. it's a wonderful place and i enjoy getting out nearly daily for a walk/hike/stroll or ramble. enjoy the pics