Monday, April 1, 2013

after a walk i came out on the other side...

 nobody showed up for todays monday walk..just me and the dogs.  probably the worst day for that to happen, but then again, maybe it's better this way.  had myself a lovely walk on a beautiful day.  cried for a good chunk of it and got that out of my system.  thought i saw a few possible bear tracks and realized i better get moving a bit and pay closer attention to the trails than to my pity party.  sometimes you need a good long walk and a healthy cry to get it cleared out.  felt better by this afternoon.  still alone, but dealing with it better.
 some jays came by to eat and cheer me up.  had a few texts with friends.  one who totally understands bouts of depression..thank you amy.  one who gets being alone, but still won't budge on ever apologizing.  i just bit the bullet and apologized for not being very nice in our text exchange.  most would just return that with an apology of their own, but i guess we all have our hang ups...people don't often change.  i'm sure i have my issues as well.  these are things that hold you back in life though.  it's best to be able to admit when you have been less than kind or whatever.   over time this issue comes up and so things are never resolved and the thing just lays there in wait.  i'm more about clear the table and move on.
 one person texted about me having family here even if we aren't related.  i just told her that was sweet and kind thing to say, but that i am alone, especially on holidays and when i'm sick.  family is who you gather with on holidays and who is there when you are sick.  i'm sure i haven't been invited to gather for holiday meals anywhere and this week...i was sick and i was alone.  i like the idea of friends who are like family but it's not always the reality.  it's hit and miss at this point in my life.  of course, at this point in my life family is not always the comfort zone either. it's never the same once your parents are gone, everyone goes their seperate ways.  there is a detachment there.
 the kind words did help and i was feeling better by this afternoon.  i sat outside on the front deck again enjoying this spring feeling day.  i'm totally sleepy now from a bit of an emotional day and coughing.  that coughing just wears me out.  i took the cough medicine to hopefully settle it all down. it's getting down to more of a hacking cough. hopefully this chills down even more. i  have my vein procedure scheduled for next monday so i'm sure they'd prefer me not coughing.
 there were 4 jays flying around outside.  they are always just such pretty birds.  my neighbor was out as the cover over their back deck had come down with that last heavy snowfall.
 took blossom up to basher trailhead and walked up a bit to enjoy what was left of the sunset.  i was a bit slow getting out the door and the sun, which was huge as i left my house, was down below the mountains when i parked my car.  oh well.  still pretty.  sunset was at 8:44 today.
 so a few from that.
 this coughing drives me nuts.  finished my zpack though.  back to work tomorrow.  hopefully, that goes okay.  i'm sure i'll be sleepy.

 i think that is redoubt out there. and below is fire island with it's wind turbines.
 always have to get this shot it seems.  turns out pretty cool though.
 read more about the foot binding that they did in china.  really quite disturbing.  they started when the girls were between 2-6 years old.  they broke the toes and the arch of the foot and bound them up tightly.  they'd unwrap and carefully clean and trim the toenails and then rebind the feet every few days or so.  i'm sure it varied. social status probably had something to do with how carefully this was carried out.  often this was done with girls who were expected to marry well and not have to really do much work or even much walking.  the girls were forced to walk on their freshly bound and broken feet.  sounds pretty miserable.  the feet got folded up front to back with the toes curled underneath what was the arch.  the ideal was about 3-4 inches long when it was all done.
 infections were common and the feet often smelled from these infections.  the toenails were sometimes just pulled off due to these infections or fear of them.  there are still small businesses that make the tiny shoes, mostly for tourist sales now.  there may still be a few older women left out there with the bound feet.  the pictures were gruesome of these feet.  so painful looking.  often this binding was done by the girls own mother.  that is always amazing to me. i look at my friends with little 2 year old girls and just can't imagine them ever being able to inflict such pain on their child.
 denali...the big mountain.
 i'm sure the thinking at the time was that if they could  bind the feet into a "perfect" shape, they could marry their daughters off to live a better live and probably help the family to live a better life.  daughters are used as barter still in many cultures.   i saw a blurb on the internet news about a 6 year old in afghanistan who was to be married off to a teenager boy who's family was owed a debt by the 6 year olds father.  the debt was paid by someone else to prevent this girl from being married off at age 6...what gaurantee is there that this father won't sell her off to pay other debts a few years from now.
 the sad remains of my snowman.
 mt susitna or sleeping lady.
 not sure what the cats were watching out there, but they seemed pretty interested.
 blossom and pogi wait their evening meal.
 anchorage at night.
 not sure if you can see but there are these round snowflakes that had fallen overnight i think out here.  kinda cool looking.

 blossom and rio in black and white.
 not many pictures out there today.  enjoyed the dogs and the weather and released my pain to the woods.
 this kinda looked like a heart out there.
well, i'm gonna hit the sack and hope tomorrow is a better day.

1 comment:

  1. may the loneliness be unbound...
    i can relate to that feeling, as this past winter i was down with the flu, and at the time in-between dogs even, and i've never felt so miserably alone.

    may it be unbound and may the new life of easter find you...