smoke is thick today...

 has been bad this week but seems much worse today.  i was on  call last night, never called in .

 i headed to bed immediately because they seemed pretty sure I'd be called in.  so i slept off and on all night..much needed for sure.  i can feel this smoke in my lungs...amazingly that is exhausting.  LS and i did walk out at the airstrip the other day. 

 yesterday i just hit the dog park.  may return there again, though there was  a bit of a ruff up that i witnessed and then stood up for the guy.  a dog attacked another dog, the owner did nothing and then just a few minutes later that same dog went after another dog.  she again did nothing and the guy used a stick to whack her dog on the back to get it off his dog. she then went after the guy for using a stick and said her dog is just possessive of sticks...

 i stepped in to defend him.  he was actually very grateful as he felt terrible that he'd hit the dog...he was just protecting his dog though.  can you imagine how this lady would have freaked if it was her dog being attacked. she would have gone ape.  if your dog can't interact with other dogs at a dog park without attacking them, it shouldn't be there.  you should do more training before you bring it back.  dogs that attack other dogs should not be at an off leash dog park, period. at minimum if your dog does attack, do not cuddle the dog. leash it up and leave immediately.

 what can i say i am at baseline a fighter.  does that come from being the youngest or am i just prone to getting involved and in speaking out. maybe at base I'm just an ass.   i try to turn my more negative attributes into a positive. i have always stood up for others and my fighter instinct makes me a good advocate for walrus. 

 these are all from our whale watching trip.  who doesn't love seeing nature in it's natural place. 

 have sputtered out my frustrations and am feeling better.  I'm happy they all have a great time together just frustrated to know that i can never really be a part of that...not unless i opt to rejoin them in a religion that never worked for me. 

 the irony of it all is that through my adolescence and early adulthood my two eldest brothers were rabid in their condemnation of the church at any and all family outings, dinners were always a big debate session.  i do appreciate that my parents allowed these conversations but it is ironic that i left the church no doubt with a great deal of basis on these conversations.  they sounded miserable being Mormon.  all they did was bitch about it.  all i really did was follow through on their bitching.  did what they were, quite frankly, too afraid to do.  their bitching continued for years...i mean who's kids left the church, theirs....

 so ultimately, their constant negative talks about the church have influenced now several generations already...but since i actually followed through and left I'm the one that is rebuffed.  oddly, mostly by them...though it does follow what i have always believed...those who are most secure in their own beliefs are generally the least likely to hold you to account for choosing another path.

 in many ways....it can get down to the basics of humanity...jealousy.  the most pious acting in society are generally the ones who are the least secure in their beliefs.  they are the ones most likely to tear others down.

 i made a choice. my choice was glaring, i get that.  but my family has made many choices since that day that aren't so glaring but have still been impactful.  we all make choices and we all must live with those consequences.  it's not all me though.  it never was.  i have been made out to be the guilty party when there were plenty of guilty parties to go around. i can accept my role in how the family divisions have grown but i refuse at this point to accept it alone.  we all are to blame. 

 the idea of simply not speaking religion or politics around each other sounds good but unless that includes a change in social media postings it really is moot.  i suspect for other families this works for it's a combination of mutual respect, lack of rabid postings on social media and a secureness in their own beliefs. clearly those things are damaged or lacking in some members of our family. 

 watched a bit of the debates last night, not all of it.  felt like Beto seemed a bit like a kid trying to be at the adult table.  i like him, just do not think he's ready for potus role.  i want some of these folks to run for senate positions.  we need help in the senate and congress to get our nation out of deadlock.

 the current iitoo is off to Asia.  he will have another no doubt private meeting with his boss, Put.  when asked what they will speak of, he stated, "none of your business".  indeed it is all of our business, he works for us. 

 this is Holgate Glacier.

 was speaking with my sister a few weeks back i think.  she was saying she wasn't sure what ethnicity this person was that she was speaking of, just that they were Asian.  she then said she was sure this meant she was racist...i guess is she figured that me as a liberal leaner would see this as racist.  the conversation moved on but no, that is not racism.

 i do not believe my family is any more racist than any one else.  i think we all have tendencies to fall into that trap.  it's up to each of us to be aware and try to understand others.  for me, i see it more of a lack of diversity.  so many of us fall in to this.  i suspect she is not racist she simply probably does not live a very diverse existence.

 i would say, lack of diversity can lead to a lack of understanding, lack of understanding can lead to  fear, fear can lead to hate and hate is what leads to racism. 

 it is up to each of us to watch for fear, hate and racism and do what we can to stave it off. 

 sadly, this current administration uses lack of understanding to create fear, which can lead to hate.  they use this to push their agenda.  their agenda is one that capitalizes on fear and ultimately racism to get some aspects of their agenda passed. it's fine to like some aspects of an agenda but it's not fine to look the other way when these cross over into fear/hate and outright racism.  it's up to each individual to try and counter these things.  if you ignore these aspects then you give a pass for those to push even further towards racism. 

 loads of seals out there chilling on ice in front of the glacier.

 dogs crack me up...as long as I'm upstairs i can be as lazy as i want...as soon as i move towards the stairs it's go time.

 it will be go time soon. 

 may have slept too much last night, or the smoke really takes more out of you than you know. 

 called to refill my inhaler.  want a few around especially this week. 

 this eagle came out empty talloned. 

 cool to watch the attempt though.

 just tonight left and then i have 4 off.  switched up so that i work the eve of the 4th. anyone want to come over for a bbq on the 4th?  i really should do something soon, my social life seems fairly dismal at this point.

 worked PCU the one night. we had one of those crazy screaming patients on the floor. as soon as that patient was moved to another unit for more drugs the whole place relaxed....the other patients could finally rest.  you always feel bad.  not much you can really do.

 this young humpback kept doing little breaches.  so cute 

 more like an extended spy hop i guess.

 that is what happens when you insist on praying in assemble meetings i guess.  Soldotna had a member of a Satanic organization being granted the right to pray. maybe we just skip praying to open meetings of government. 

 the supreme court ruled a large cross (peace cross) to honor the dead from WWI can remain.  I'm not that upset over this but it does open the door for other things that may not be appreciated.  be careful what you fight for...it can bite you in the ass later.

 happy to read the Senate to vote to block Trumps arms sales to Saudi Arabia and the UAE...he will no doubt veto it.  i mean not selling to his business partners and loan consultants would be personally devastating for him no doubt. they need to also make sure that future POTUS's on both sides must go through congress for military action.  we have gotten a bit too loose and our potus has too much power...it's time to reign in that power or lose our system of checks and balances forever.

 more are flocking north seeking asylum than ever do to this current administrations decisions.  when you refuse to assist people in their home nations you leave them little choice but to attempt to leave. now this administration is failing to deal with all those who are seeking help, instead treating them like criminals.  this week a man and his young daughter drowned attempting to get help.  this is unacceptable and embarrassing for a nation who previously valued being a beacon to others.  welcoming them to come and start a new life with hope and kindness.

 lack of understanding leads to fear which can lead to hate which can lead to racism.  we can still turn this around.  who will stand up and who will look the other way.

 children were recently found to be in  unacceptable and unclean facilities.  how we treat the youngest and the most vulnerable is a reflection on us as a nation  right now it is not looking very good.

 how many is too many?  what is the exact number?  i have no idea.  how many should we allow to die?  which children should we allow to die?  what is that exact number?  always amazing that the same who insist every life is precious and no abortions should happen are willing to look away at these deaths and mistreatment's at our own border.

 a few close drive by's by humpback pair

 so cool.  you never get bored of it...at least i never do

 diving

 it's 1 already...gotta get out there and risk the smoke for a dog walk i guess.  hopefully, no battles with crazy dog owners. 

 there seemed to be quite a few whales out there. it's always a bit different. i heard there were some orca's the next week.

 waving to us....

 got my fan on and drinking ice water....it's sweltering..at least by AK standards.

 in reality we are in the mid to upper 70's.  we will be over the next week it appears...i will have to find some fun day trips or overnight trips to take.

 does make me want to jump in a pool and do some laps.  the pups may be getting old enough for me to re-start my swimming.  i was just too busy with them when they were young.

 better get them walked before work.  the on call thing will not be happening again tonight. 

grateful for: A.  parents that allowed the banter and debates  B.  that i was able to use those debates to come to a better life for myself.  C. smoke free days...may the fire be out soon and the skies be clear.