today a shrew ran across the road in front of the car..

 ok, not as exciting as a wolverine, but another day. i attempted moose spotting again by the airport...really haven't been having much late there.  since they started doing more work around the area.  guess that makes sense. these are more from the Homer trek and all those stars

 looks like the sun is starting to set about now.  love these long days.

 not as fond of the bugs that are building in numbers. 

 just hit the dog park today.  ended up finishing off the can of paint on the fencing.  it's the new section that was replaced after last years big wind storm.  later i headed to Home Depot to get another can so i can work on that again another day.

 i also mowed. watered the lawn and the dogs...it's the same thing.  they just love chasing that hose.  i attempted to read a few chapters while throwing the tennis ball that was constantly being dropped next to me on the chair, along with frequent reminders from Ivy that it was there...she would climb on me and move it closer, like some how I'd just missed it.  she is so helpful.  not obsessed at all.

 strange day at times.  sometimes your brain feels disconnected from your body.  a bit of the melancholy off and on through the day.  it's random.

 getting older, being single.  really miss my Mom at times.  we spoke nearly every day.  nice to have her check in on me and me check in on her.  now i could go days without hearing from anyone....generally, it is because i reach out that i have communication with other humans at all. i suspect others feel the same...and all of these people just sit at home wishing someone would remember they were there. 

 what if i didn't reach out....how lonely would i be? 

 wondered if those brief moments of disconnect that i feel are more steady with folks who suffer from depression on a more constant basis.  do those disconnects make it easier for them to end their lives?  hard to imagine being so disconnected from yourself that you would actually take the action of ending your life.  that has to be a hole that envelopes you and strangles you.  i mean the real action...not all those folks who come to the ER constantly with suicide ideation who take a few pills and then just seem to want attention.  i know that sounds cold, but you do see a lot of it. people who want to kill themselves generally are quite successful or end up in the icu in bad shape. 

 not that attention isn't needed in life and I'm sure many feel disconnected to the rest of the world, especially if they have reached a point where reaching out doesn't happen. this world doesn't come to you...at least that is how i see it.  i think of that guy in Fairbanks that was literally dead in his house for over 5 years before he was found.  how must his neighbors have felt knowing someone so near them had disappeared and they hadn't even noticed.  not sure if he'd killed himself.  he had been very social at some point, but he fell into paranoid schizophrenia i think.  he'd become mostly a hermit...enough that they didn't notice that he didn't leave his house for years. 

 i can imagine how quickly a person could fall into a deep depression when they sit there and nobody ever reaches out to them.  as a singleton i know that well, the holidays where you are not invited anywhere, to any parties or gatherings.  the Birthdays where you don't want to say hey it's my Birthday, lets all get together and celebrate...because really, who wants to do that?  the times you don't have any presents to open, no cake with candles.  i mean you can bake yourself a cake, but that feels more pathetic than just trying to act like it doesn't matter.

 my first year of college my Mom sent me a box with all the fixings for my roommates to give me a decent little Birthday.  we'd just made a big fuss about another roommates Birthday the week before...for my Birthday, nothing.  omg...the tears flew that year. 

 as you get older and you don't have family around or your Mom...you just try to adapt.  i think that is why i tend to just attempt to be out of town or have camping plans or something.  takes the focus off of the day and what society tells you it should be. most of the time that is enough and what a better way to celebrate than to go someplace beautiful in AK. 

 there is always that nagging kid inside of you that won't completely let it go. 

 expectations..they are a dangerous thing. 

 it's best to try and tamp down any thought of expectations in this life...expectations lead to disappointment for sure. 

 the flip side of a sea star...all those little "legs" tentacles.

 this guy has an extra leg

 back to work again tomorrow.  hoping it's a good stretch.  will need to think of some fun thing to do for my days off.  do want to get on a cruise out of Seward soon and see some whales.  will have to keep an eye on weather and the wind. 

 sea star in a death throw...looks very dramatic. 

 is it a depressed sea star....? 

 when melancholy hits i find it's best to just allow myself to wade in.  you can't make yourself happy.  i know there are drugs, but the melancholy so far doesn't really last but a day or so.  it was worse when i was a pre-teen i think.  or maybe i just have more tools to deal with it now that I'm older. 

 a way of keeping it in perspective. a knowledge that it's not reality, even if it feels real

 there were a few books left in the library that were cut up and had paint on them.  strange.  my neighbor and i went through the rest of the books to make sure there wasn't any other strange books in there.

 we have had a few murders this week which are pretty sad and disturbing.  a 12 year old shot two, killing one. another 16 year old killed a young woman. what is this world coming to.  so much violence and hate. this current iitoo has no kindness in him it seems.  this can't help.  all his attacking and hate speech.  hate crimes have increased dramatically under this potus. he's made it normal and acceptable to be horrible to each other. 

 treatment of those being held at the border is not good.  over crowding.  money to help immigrant children that are unaccompanied is being cut off.  now the iitoo wants to put tariffs on Mexico. a few in the GOP seem to be upset by this....i imagine they will soon fall in line with their cult leader.  that is what they do.  he can do no wrong in their eyes...they stay silent.  try to get what they can done and play the game with him.  he's all they have.  this horrible man is what they have chosen to get behind.  it's pretty pathetic. 

 they are charging the Florida Deputy who waited outside the Parkland school while the shooter was inside.  I'm not sure that is how that should be dealt with.  seems like he is being made the fall guy in this.  if you can't count on a guy who is trained to risk his life to enter a school with an active shooter how can you expect teachers to do the same.  such foolish ideas.  anything but look into our gun culture. 

 the iitoo did not look for any senate or house approval before selling arms to Saudis and now also to Qatar i think.  wait, also Jordan and the United Emirates.  they murdered a journalist!!!  cut up his body and have still not returned the bits and pieces for his family to have a proper burial..and this administration has done nothing to chastise them!!!  lets also remember that the bulk of those who flew planes into the towers that day were Saudi Citizens. 

 the house passed a bill to protect dreamers...there were GOP cross overs..how will the senate vote...haha. 

 a wealthy televangelist is trying to justify his fleet of private jets.  mainstream Christians really need to look at these extreme evangelicals and how they will impact the views of Christianity in the future.  they are, in many cases, becoming more and more radicalized...that can not be good for Christianity as a whole. i mean look what radicalized Islamists have done to that religion.  everyone gets clumped together. best to jump off their train of hate before it's too late.  Jesus did not give his life so that Christian leadership could run amok basking in the wealth of all the donations.  greed is easy to get sucked into, but from what I've read it hasn't ended well for those who bask in it.

 some are wondering if a gun that was fired and then tossed last week or so ago was the one that this 12 year old used to kill one and injure another.  it was never found....

 a sea star works it's way away from the other stars

 this is the end of the spit.  we walked around to the other side before returning to the stars.  the dogs were swimming until i noted that a few sea lions were following us a bit too close.  not sure what they would do but i know what they could do...they are big.  best to just keep the pups out of the water

 the ferry is coming into town.  hopefully, the current mini trump governor will not be successful in cutting all services. 

 i rode this ferry out to Dutch Harbor.  this is how people get things to and from remote villages along the Aleutian Chain and in Southeast AK

 every day at the beach, any beach, wears these pups out. it's great for all of us.  i was getting like 30,000 steps the days i was down there.

 love all the designs nature leaves as the tide goes out.

 shops in the distance.

 more cool patterns.

 only saw the sea stars near where the ferry docks though.

 not sure if this was how it was when the stars were thriving.  hopefully, the numbers continue to improve.

 texted fish and game to see if there was any news from the island.  low walrus counts out there. birds are starting to lay eggs. no internet because no explore.  still bummed about that.

 the dogs and i working our way back to the sea stars.

 the dogs enjoy the waves

 and back to sea stars!!

 the trusty tusty or the rusty tusty...two nick names for the ship. i think it's as old as i am

 well, it's after midnight and i shall head to bed. be kind to folks around you, many are lonely, in pain and unable to reach out to others because they just don't know how or don't have the energy to.

thankful for: A.  my fur family, they give me a reason to get up, to walk, to smile B.  the simple joys of life  C.  flowers, sunshine, blue skies....it does have a way to chase the melancholy away.