the puking has ceased the headache has calmed....

 

i do get quite a few small headaches, but it's pretty rare that one takes me out like this one did.  i have knots that go from under my shoulder blades, up over both shoulders and then up my neck.  the left side on my shoulder is still huge compared to the other side. sore for sure. 

i started puking right before i headed to work.  i should have just called out.  i got by with a little help from my co-workers.  worked ICU these past few nights.  it was good that the second night when i had the headache and nausea all night i had the same patients. 

i didn't even bother to take any food with me to work.  after all that puking there seemed no point.  i managed 1/2 a saltine and a few sips of sprite/water the first half of the shift.  one co-worker, an RT friend, came around twice the second time finally broke up the major knot enough that i was able to drink some broth.  ate a few triskets with cheese for breakfast.  

by this afternoon i was able to eat.  all nausea finally gone. i really hate puking, i may hate being nauseated more though. 

called out tonight.  still had the headache...and was exhausted.  the headache has released quite a bit now.

never like calling out, but our job does involve keeping people alive so it always seems better to make sure you are on your  game. 

many of these are from a day trip to Seward. 

not sure why i'm writing.  just needed to get out of bed for a bit.  have done tennis ball time in the yard several times today.  

never made it out for a dog walk...never even showered today.  seemed little point to it.  was beautiful out there.

have been happy to just get a few calories in me.

otherwise, it's been a day of sleep, tennis ball tossing and Gilmore Girls. 

the yard folks came yesterday.  so the clean up is done.  nice to let others do that...may have to do that every year. 

i have many more rocks now, ready to be painted.  it's a small enough art project to keep my attention for a bit. 

my favorites are the sea kayakers...will have to do more of those in the future...maybe make it my trademark rock!!

this rainbow showed up in the photo.  strange.  very cool though. the pets at the rainbow bridge must have come en masse to visit us that day.  

two dogs on a stick

a few at the local beaches as well. 

the GOP will spend millions to investigate benghazi, election results, hillary...but they don't want to look into what happened at the capital on Jan 6...no shock there i guess but it's all so ridiculous, sorry. 

my heart does go out to people who have regular migraines and horrible headaches.  i know many who do.  it's a miserable thing.  happy this only really takes me out once every few years.

the bears are out and the moose are starting to drop babies.  life starts to really get interesting around here this time of year.

already one bear mauling reported in the paper.  guy was working.  i think somewhere closer to Tok. he survived to tell the tale apparently.  

left some ashes at the beach here. i still do that from time to time.  always carry some ashes with me.  seems fitting to have the old pups still along out there on the trails. 

as you get older the reality hits you.  as a single person, most of my household items will be ditched upon my death.  things that mattered to me won't matter one bit to others.  so seems better to carry the ashes with me and scatter them slowly.  i'm sure i'll hold back some to keep a little of them all with me always. i've had some big dogs though so that is a lot of ashes.  Butch, my sweet boy is forever in Ketchikan.  no decent options for cremation in the bush.  

Ivy is enjoying her new freedoms.  we still take it easy.  i try to lob it to her.  if she shows any signs of discomfort the ball gets put away and she gets some CBD oil or some other treatment for pain.  

want to keep her going as long as possible and as comfortable as possible.  

it's all about quality of life for these furs.  i don't want any of them to suffer just so i can hang on longer.  hoping this surgery has improved her life a bit.  

not keen on doing the second leg at this time. will just play it month by month/year by year.

so far she seems to be managing.  longer hikes/difficult hikes probably out for her though. 

i want to get back to the pool.  i have always enjoyed swimming and it's good for you.  great for the joints. 

Miss Breezy is settling into one of the dog toy boxes.  she loves all the snuggly toys...it's funny though because as she gets settled in you hear the occasional squeak from the dog toys 

wild beast going up the mountain.  Tusker takes the hill

old relics from days past on the beach at Lowell pt.

my mind is a bit scattered. will crash for the night here soon.  had to put in my pto so i was on the computer anyway....so blog.

love strange roots in odd places. 

will be back to Homer my next stretch off...then i promise i will find some new locations to play and vary up the photo's. 

so many places i'd love to return to.  always southeast AK...so pretty.  have been thinking of Kayak Island too.  so pretty and so much to see on those beaches. 

mostly, i love hanging out with these furs.

hopefully, i get more accomplished tomorrow and i can put another bad headache behind me.  again...happy this happens only once a year or once every few years. 

end with the two happy dogs with their stick.  back to tennis balls tomorrow. 

thankful for A.  two co-workers that took the time to work out my worst knots last night at work B.  that the puking and nausea are gone C. for my furs who always keep me entertained and smiling. 

feeling oddly confident today...

now it may not last but i am finding that i am feeling more in control of my life.  

not feeling like i am waiting for others to satisfy me or make me feel whole if that makes any sense.  i think i was just always hoping to be included in something that i was just never going to be fully included in so now that i have mostly let that go it's starting to have a more positive impact on my overall outlook

you can't look to others to complete you, to make you feel whole.  that has to come from within and it's been a slow road for me to start to get here.  hope is a tough thing to let go of.  hope for things that just aren't to be.  when you finally accept what is possible and what isn't possible you find a new freedom. 

i do feel like covid has had a positive impact that way, despite the road getting there being painful at times. 

you know who is there for you in this life, really there for you.  the others are just nice to chat with from time to time but since you have learned you can't depend on them really...it's a release of expectations. 

you know who is truly there with you in this life.  who is checking in making sure you are okay.  

today i feel lucky and blessed to have so many in my life who do care if i am ok from day to day.  

always loved that line from a song. you don't always get what you want, but you get what you need.  i am paraphrasing this of course.  that is the gist of it though. 

booked for another stretch in Homer over the holiday.  also booked for a half day fishing trek for halibut. nummy!  i have been wanting to fill the freezer with some butt.  just gotta get my fishing license. clear out the freezer a bit of the old stuff and make room for the fish.  hopefully the weather cooperates.  so far it is looking like rain.  we will stay on the spit above the charter office.  dog friendly so the kids will be stuck in the car for the morning while we fish. 

they will survive. 

always tough to leave them...but i think that gets us back for low tide so long walks on the beach for them.  all will be forgiven and forgotten.  dogs are great like that. 

i head back to work tonight.  i hear it's been busy.  so no on call for this girl.  

had fresh sheets last night and woke up to cat puke on the comforter cover. so fresh sheets again tonight. haha. 

just met up with LS for a walk.  we both needed some motivation on this cloudy day.  

we walked past two large male moose munching away.  they didn't even hardly look up as we passed.  

then we ran into Gillian....she is a very fit elderly lady i have seen on the trails for years.  she is down a doodle. not sure what happened.  but the male must have passed away. the female is moving slower now.  i had hooked her up with the dogs when i saw an ad in Homer for doodles. she loved Blossom, who didn't!

she is in contact with Stan, who is another elderly hiker...mostly the last few years he and his dog Issac mostly had just sat on the bench at the trailhead.  he lost his license to drive though so i've missed seeing him out there.  i had offered once to pick him up so he could just chill at the trailhead while i walked but he never texted back.  

good to know he's doing okay.  

so it's a good day.  feeling like i am not seeking approval as much from external sources and finding a new peace in the sovereign nation of me.  

these are a bit of Beluga cabin and local hikes

with a few cats tossed in there.  i am always behind.  so many pictures. so much to see out there.

it never gets dull.  

my kayaker rocks...will need to paint more of these.  make these my little trademark look. i picked up many more rocks on my treks down to Homer.  will pick up more. in the winter i'll need a nice stock pile since the rocks will be frozen in and unavailable through next winter.  it's a fun little game/hobby.

the tides are supposed to be low next stretch off down in Homer as well. 

these are mostly in Kincaid at the dunes.  a little loop.  we missed seeing a bear that day by a little bit.  

there was a guy who was attacked by a bear this past week apparently.  saw it in the news.  got his head it looks like.  so scary.  not something i want to ever experience.  i do love winter just because those big brats are sleeping. 

i love all the seasons though.  it changes so fast and goes by so quickly in the summers though.  crazy.  you can walk the same place every week and see so many different things.  we shall see what this summer brings.  

probably a lot of smaller adventures but even those are pretty dang fun. 

would love to hit Kayak Island again out of cordova, Sitka is always great.  it may just be local stuff again though.  less planes is not a bad thing until this is more settled. 

the masks are coming off.  at the grocery it's been like 70% mask wearing from what i've seen. was at costco getting my membership updated and it was more like 50-60% mask wearing.  

they say if you are vaccinated you can go without masks except in crowded indoor places but we all suspect that the vaccinated folks are still masking up and the anti masker fools are the ones taking off their masks. 

the folks that wanted vaccines got them.  sorry but if the others get sick...they did have every opportunity to get the vaccine and they have chosen not to.  

the grasses are growing as is everything else. i am waiting for the yard clean up crew. i've never done that but it seems like a good idea.  they may be able to get the lawn in a better state.  i also have a few big planters on order and then the element..

he's not ready for it yet.  thanked me for my patience. i'm really not in a hurry.  would be fun to get it outfitted for some close camp outs. will have to feel confident that it will be a dependable vehicle.  

still hoping one of these companies come up with mini-campers in the next few years since it seems so many want that option.  

if not perhaps by the time i'm ready to buy a camper van i will have a savings plus be able to sell the element to bring down the cost. 

cruising around in a camper van in my retirement years sounds like fun to me. 

could even do a lower 48 trek.  

so i shall relish the good days, knowing that there will always be the days i feel less confident and less empowered.  

flowers are easy as well and they seem to work out there.  

simple is good for rock art. 

better head off this computer and try for a rest/nap before work. 

will this be the week they fire me? since that little uncomfortable conversation i have felt a bit uneasy.  

they have a new program to monitor us all on the computers.  since they are so short staff it seems silly to look for reasons to fire us but these corporations do not have any loyalty to us and as a seasoned nurse i cost more for them.  that is often reason enough.  

can't wait to get out of the rat race of this job....it's too bad you can't just do your job and serve your patients without the people in the offices complicating it all.  it's always amazing to me how quickly those who take desk jobs forget the real reason hospitals exist...well, in this nation, it's sadly for profit, but there are actually sick people in those rooms who need care and comfort.  

thankful for: A. empowerment  B. that i haven't lost touch with what the purpose of nursing is C. clarity in life