being subtle is not my strongest quality...

 

these are still from the summer. will have to toss in some winter shots here soon i guess. i'm hopelessly behind on posts...but i have less words of late. Byers Lake above on a warm day.

finished my three nights of work.  lets see if i can recall...PCU, ICU then ED holds.  it is funny that i have a hard time remembering where i worked the last three nights...that is pretty usual these days though. you walk away and you just close it up. 

i had several moments of frustration on that last night.  i was verbal about it.  it was quite frustrating actually.  there were two of us doing holds in the back area.  there were 12 patients and we were each assigned 4. there were also 3 ER staff nurses back there...so you do the math and two nurses were started with heavier assignments. 

finding and getting report was a bit of a cluster. the regular staff member opted to keep one of hers rather than give it over, which i did appreciate.  

seemed every time i got a patient moved to a bed upstairs there was someone who came up to me saying they were there to give me report and the patient was already being moved.  now, i think it's much more respectful to give me a call to ask how i am and if i'm ready for another patient. i also did tell the charge later that if they are slammed up front to let me know that and i can do what needs to be done.  

my first patient also started to rip into me because he had a headache and as i was trying to assess and do what needed to be done he was being a twat.  in the end he figured out i was trying to help him and that i knew what i was doing.  he spent the rest of the shift apologizing and thanking me.  

it is hard for all of us...but the negative we say and do sticks to us much more powerfully than the positive. it's not fair, but it is the truth. 

Thanksgiving.  well it was pretty much just another day. my sister called and today my brother in Boston called me.  otherwise i got a few text messages.  one from the one brother that has never apologized for his nasty words to me.  i'm not keen on just going on like it's not happened. i feel like others have enabled some of this and always seem to support.  i'm in the tough love mind set at this point. life is too short to allow others to get away with treating you poorly. 

at some point you must decide what you will accept. age, covid, his actions....all these things combined to just make me opt out at this time. i only respond in the group text of all siblings.  that is what i decided is best. a friend did this with a couple who had broken up and i thought it was quite brilliant. 

these are mostly still the mine.  the flowers were just so pretty that day. 

did hit Ruth Arcand the last two days for some rock time. found a few, missed a totally cute frog rock...the kid got it.  that family has many of this one rockers, rocks. i must have followed soon after he came, i'd gotten a gorilla rock he'd done so i left the one i found, then i saw his post later that he'd dropped a frog as well.  so the same girl that gave me her sad puppy eyes for the snow leopard rock, found the frog...dang those cute kids! i joked perhaps next time i saw her i'd have to give her my sad eyes.  :-)  

did a bit more painting tonight.  will have to crash soon. 

my friends from work had worked the night before the holiday so they got up late and made a late Turkey meal, then kindly brought me a plate of delicious turkey/gravy/taters and stuffing.  :-)  so that was my Thanksgiving.  i did get the Skelly crew changed over to Christmas

my cards and calendars have arrived.  will send to my siblings, all of them.  i believe i made my point last year.  not sure any points ever get through. i move on as i can but also do not allow myself to accept the treatment as normal.  you can't hold it inside.  you have to move on, that doesn't mean you forget it all and be a fool.  

catching up on the latest Great British Baking Show. they have quite the finalists it appears. he just handing out 3/4 handshakes in the signature.  the German/Brit has had so many wins week by week, but he's the only one who didn't get a handshake...what will happen!!

Portage...below you can see folks walking out on to the unstable snow pack.  

love the color of the glacier fed water.

the rocks have become a sort of therapy, the painting.  

the people are many in a fb group so i've gotten to know a few, run into a few on the trails.  just rocks, no politics, no work. it's just a nice break from the day to day.  

the hunt for the rocks has helped me get moving and out on the trails when covid and the stress of it all had made me start to have less enthusiasm to get out.  

i do also want to not get too caught up in the rocks. i need to wander various places and see the other areas of beauty out there.  it's easy in the winter to get in a rut.  especially until the light begins to return again. 

virgin falls.  there are beautiful places in the winter as well.  longer drives not as worth it because of the fewer hours of work. 

we laughed in the ICU the night i worked there.  less covid at the moment but we are back to many of the usual drunks and drug addicts we used to have.  at least it's familiar.  such a waste of a precious life. they all seem to have kids...that is the most frustrating part.  all the kids who have addicted/alcoholic parents.  it can't be easy for them. 

the thing too about that last night in the ER...two of the nurses are FEMA nurses who we all know are getting paid much more than us...so to see them sitting around with 1 or 2 patients while i was getting slammed just added to my annoyance.  it's a double edges sword.  we needed the help but how do you not feel a bit resentful when they are getting paid so much more for the same work.  

pinterest is my go to place for rock ideas.  sometimes i do better than others. i do think the rocks are looking much better than they have. i think i have always really liked the paddlers i've done though. fun to explore other designs and ideas and then add my touch to it.

flowers, flowers, flowers....

i did buy a small turkey today.  will hopefully be able to cook it Sunday or Monday.  let it thaw a bit in the freezer. still like to have a few more turkey meals during the holidays even if i don't ever have a big festive event on the specific days.  holidays are just different when you are single. 

a favorite flower is the states flower, the delicate forget me nots below.

like all the antiques and old building/cars at the mine.  great photo ops

we got a bit more snow, warmed a bit and now we are back into a freeze.  i did forget to plug in the car. i can plug it in a few hours before i leave though.  i have already forgotten to  unplug and drove off...luckily it worked out okay. the car, the cord and the plug are all intact.  i also need to call AAA and get the Element a new battery.  

rain forest, moss covered trees.  so pretty

i did miss a walk between shifts one day.  i slept much longer than i usually do and it has always been okay to miss one dog walk, the dogs may not agree with that. 

fireweed.

more reflections

i guess it's almost 2 am...probably time to sleep. where to walk the beasts tomorrow. always the question. 

glaciers and waterfalls coming off the glaciers.  

will we survive it all.  will relationships broken ever be mended again?  covid has made a mess of so many things. politics took care of the rest.  well, perhaps it's the other way around...politics made a mess of things and covid just kicked the mess all the way over.

moose tracks

that is a wrap....

something good about myself...my painting skills are improving.  thankful for: A.  friends who stopped by for a little single chick and brought me a Thanksgiving meal. B. the pretty rocks i find and the pretty rocks i paint C. walks between shifts. 

just one night off...no point switching my schedule...

 

the holidays are fast approaching and the rush of it all feels like it is starting to become the usual losing battle.  these are mostly from Girdwood and Portage.  never made it up Portage Pass this summer. the knee took me off of many of my more usual treks. 

still seemed to find things to entertain and enjoy myself. 

now the winter has fully embraced us all. we have been in subzero temps for several days, warming into single digits before descending back below zero. 

i love the peace and quiet of winter though.  it forces you to slow down a bit. the darkness and the cold temperatures regulate our lives to some degree. i don't take big road trips because what is the point making a long drive only to be in the dark in another place. soon it will be solstice and the light will start to return...as soon as that starts happening the excitement returns with each added 5 minutes of light each day. 

for now i enjoy the short days. the late sunrises and early sunsets. the long shadows. 

the rocks have been great between shifts.  they get me up and out of the house and out to the park for the hunt.  some days i'm rewarded more than others in the rocks, but always i am rewarding by the walking and the beauty. 

i only have the one day off because of Thanksgiving. i will work the night before Thanksgiving and then be off. no plans at this time other than sleeping and walking the dogs.  these days, as a singleton, holidays are really no different than non-holiday days.  i've been learning that this is the best approach. they really are just another day.  the days of my life in general are pretty rewarding even if quite simple. 

i'm a fan of simple.  more and more. my life is far less complicated than others.  it's less regimented. 

my main goal in each day is the walk with the dogs.  seeing and enjoying beautiful places, taking a few photo's to share. 

this was a trek to Byers Cabin this summer. we got a bit silly.  silly is good. 

this week i worked a night of holds in the ER.  it was nice because in the end i went home 2 hours early.  they had lots of help so they took over the 2 patients i had left as holds.  

i think covid numbers are slightly up in the hospital again.  we shall see what the holidays bring us. overall the vent numbers are still not as high as they were previously.  the goal is to find ways to keep less of these patients in hospital.  someone was telling me of one patient who refused to believe he had covid and insisted on leaving despite the fact that his sats were in the 60's or something like that.  who knows what happened.  people refusing treatments that have helped while insisting they get treatments that are only recommended by conspiracy theory sorts and youtube video's.  it's so nuts.  who would have ever believed the level of stupidity out there. 

the big lesson is how easy it is to manipulate people, stupid at baseline or not.  we believe what we want to believe no matter what facts are being plainly shown to us. all we can do is hope we are believing facts that are actually factual and not "facts" that are actually bull. 

night two was in the CTICU. patients were all pleasant.  night went well. i got called sugar and sweetie all night. there are worse things i guess...and i know because i'm sure i've been called them all at some point. 

my last night was in PCU.  we had no tech in our section so i only had 3 patients and my partner had 2.  we were each others techs.  the girl i worked with was very nice and we had a lively conversation between cares.

today, i headed out to a few favorite winter spots.  Oceanview Bluff Park has a great sledding hill....it seemed a bit too packed down now but there were a few sledders out there. the marshy trail can be slow to freeze but it was frozen.  so we were able to walk out.  you just never know what cool/strange ice conditions you will find out there. i have found some amazing photo ops out there. other times it's just a sheer ice and barely walkable. 

today it was mostly packed snow.  we could walk a ways out.  

after that i decided to head over to another favorite place as the sun was about to set. 

so we zipped over to the Campbell Creek Estuary. no dogs allowed, though in the winter i see folks break that rule. i left the dogs in and ran down to the estuary.  i'd be nervous of them sliding down into the estuary on the ice.  easier to just go down myself and leave them in the car.  in the other seasons it's a birder place. 

the ice can be beautiful, especially at sunset when the colors of the sunset light it all up.  that was the case today so that was nice. i think i got some pretty photo's

i opted to stop for some Olive Garden dinner.  may go there once a year. it was good and easy.  

may see if there is a good deal on a turkey breast and put that in the crock pot when i get off work.  it can cook while i sleep and walk dogs. 

bought a little prezzie to be delivered to my brother and his family.  hope they like it...if not they can return them to Pottery Barn.  bought myself a little something there as well. 

a platter, though part of me wonders if i will ever host anyone here again.  covid has made social lives of the singletons and i suppose others much less restrictive.  you do wonder if normalcy will return.  not that i'm a big hostess anyway. social is not my best...which makes me wonder why i am buying platters...i guess there is still a hope of some normalcy and inviting friends over again.  

do feel that the Monday walk has been lost to covid.  seems more difficult to get everyone together...it did have a good run and i have many good friends.  everyone still wants to get together but it just feels like people found other things to do on Mondays. people change jobs and schools and schedules and then it just becomes more difficult. 

i have some rocks prepped to paint and some bear bread dried and ready to experiment on as a canvas.  

my to do list is still waiting for me to get to it.  flooring.  i still have some finishes to do with the stair case.  happy i did get the calendars and cards done. 

figure i'll send my brother the calendar this year.  also have ignored his texts...best to have only contact as the group messaging with all the other siblings. my friend had wisely done that in another situation....so smart!! i will use his clever idea. 

love these blue poppies. mine never grown this great.  

jury summons in December.  it's been awhile since that has come up. have only served as a jurist once in Ketchikan. i think the case lasted a few days...we all felt it could have been summed up in a few hours tops. we all entered the room to discuss guilty/not guilty...it was obvious to us all that the person was guilty.  then we felt obligated to not come out with our decision too quickly so we chilled a bit and just chatted with each other about other things. 

doing laundry as well.  did join AAA so in the next few days i need to call them and get the battery taken care of on the Element. it looks so frosty and sad parked there. 

don't tell the Element but i am loving the auto start and seat warmers in the new car these past weeks with the freezing temperatures. 

i do like having a dog car though.  so it will be good to get her back up and running. been plugging in the CR-V.  both cars have block heaters but the Element one...well the prongs of the extension cord snapped off on one cold snap and i'm not sure how that gets repaired.  hmm. 

always love all the daisies.  

well, i love all the flowers that bloom. it's a very short season but it is fun watching different ones go through their explosions. 

several years ago i added ending all my posts by listing 3 things i'm grateful for.  i was thinking since i don't always have the best self esteem perhaps i should add one thing about myself that i like or am proud of. 

perhaps i can have a top notch self esteem by the time i turn 60 or 70! 

was reading a little thing about bringing happiness back into your life...give back...i have over the years done some giving back.  before i left the church there was the occasional service item.  since then mostly my service has been directed at the animals.  volunteer zoo keeper, volunteer at a bird rescue in ketchikan.  volunteered with fish and game to help with sea otter necropsies. of course there is all the walrus/WARIS stuff, that is all volunteer. scattering somewhat artistic painted rocks. in South Dakota i always carried plastic bags on my walks and picked up trash.  much of that stopped since most dogs since required more training and attention than old Butch did. 

i think i am pretty good at being grateful for what i have though i think that is something we all should be focused on more often.  i have far more positives than negatives in this life. i've overall been very lucky or blessed, however your bent is. i have also done my share of working for things.  

my worst area is self love and accepting in myself that i am not ever going to measure up to the yard stick i tend to lay out there for myself. goals are more just my to do list....which i am not always the best at either.  

buy yourself a little something special on occasion.  i bought myself something at Pottery Barn today.  i liked my friends idea of buying herself flowers. maybe i'll see if there are any gift baskets that are calling my name. 

these are frozen places now.  need to take a drive south a bit and see what beautiful sights i can find.  

our temps look to be staying 10 or less for another week or so here. it says -11 right now. the high for tomorrow is 0F.  looking forward to that.  

other things mentioned was learning to say no...i learned that a long time ago. i recall the day.  can't remember the girls name but she was a bit of a bully and i was in second grade.  one day i got the courage to say no to her about something and nothing bad happened.  it was very eye opening day for me.  

i have several hobbies..i think for me it's getting off the phone and games and social media and taking more time to just focus on those hobbies.  one contestant on the great british baking show, when it was her turn to get the boot, she said she had learned that to increase happiness concentrate on the things that make you happy....like baking, and the happiness will come.  

it is easy to forget all those things that bring us joy and happiness and make ourselves find time in busy lives to just do them.  i think the thing they forgot on the list is to simplify your life.  cut out all the stuff and even people who do not bring joy.  if you hate your religion, leave it.  if you have misery in a relationship, walk away.  if you have a job that saps you of any job, look for a different one.  we have a short time on this earth, enjoy the time.  do not waste your time in misery.  

so one thing i like about myself. that i was brave and took some steps to leave people and places that were holding me back from being who i needed to become.  it took guts to walk away from so much and i am proud that i had the courage.  what am i grateful for...A. nice work stretches that remind me what i do enjoy about this job i do.  B. beautiful sunsets/sunrises in winter.  that last a long time and are close together. C. waking up and finding myself surrounded by my beloved pets