Saturday, February 23, 2013


 finished up with my last week of my rotating schedule between peds and adult icu.  start next week in the critical care resource pool.  need to try to meet up with them before i start tuesday i think.  time is running out.
had a little mini meltdown before my last shift in peds.  we all get those from time to time i think.  always a bit stressful, as you change there is that part of you that hopes you have made the right move.  i know it will be a good move.  i enjoyed going between the two units and probably would have done it for longer had other things not come to bear, but life sometimes does that to you for a reason.
these are just hikes and rambles about town over the last few days.  hit the dog park once, the bog once and today i woke up early with the plan of watching the fur rondy mushing run out at my little spot out of the north bivouac trail system. blossom and i headed out there on little sleep and snowshoes.  no pictures of dogs though, it looks like they have changed the route, at least for this year.  i'll see if i can chase it down at the muldoon curve area tomorrow.  may be bust too.  blossom and i sat and waited and she looked into the woods for the teams to come....she knows exactly what is up when we go to that spot.  she loves to watch mushing.  eventually, we had to give up knowing we'd been had.  oh well...
 my thanks to friends for helping me get through my last shift and giving me support.  i have met many wonderful people and even though i am changing jobs, the friends are there and it will be fun to pop back in and see a few of them from time to time when i float there.
there were pro's to staying, but in the end, the cons won.  i used that notes section in the ipad to list them out.  so it wasn't a hasty decision.  on the plus side was that i do enjoy both units and the patient populations overall that are in them. i do like my co-workers for the most part in both units and i like being part of a unit and i won't be able to tell patients, "yes, i'll be back tonight to be your nurse" and see that look of relief and happiness in their eyes.
on the con side ( reasons to go)...i just don't want to become one of those bitter people who become angry at some perceived injustice and is afraid to change, i don't want to stagnate in one position because it's comfortable. i want to force myself to get out of the box and try something new, learn something new.  comfortable isn't always a good thing.  i don't want to allow people to win when they use manipulation and deceit.  i don't want to be the one who gives negative people positive reinforcement for bad behaviour.  i will be able use my skills in new areas and learn new things, i will meet new people, i will still be able to float to the places i've already enjoyed and mastered to some degree so that will feel comfortable while i am learning new things, which is uncomfortable. people will be happy to see me, i can save the day as it were, which will be nice.  vacation days, days off and holidays will be simpler to plan as i will only have to answer to one unit rather than two seperate ones.  the float pool seems to work with their staff on happy scheduling.  management changes in both units, so maybe a good time to leave.  i've had this strange little piece of paper allowing me to do this for almost 8 years.  not sure how it would do in a battle and this situation lasted longer than anyone probably expected it would.
choices, stay, fight changes, the end leaving seemed the most reasonable...
 dog park tree of lost the bottom you will see a binkie!  hehe.
 still always strange leaving and just going to another part of the hospital, it's not like i'm leaving the state so it almost doesn't seem like it's real.  people seemed to not say anything or ask if i was leaving in almost hushed tones.  started to wonder if maybe people were actually happy i was going due to this lack of reaction.  so just strange.  thankfully, my friends were sweet to me and said all the right things.  lisa and kim helped make my last night fun and bought me dinner for my last night.
 it is frustrating i think that things don't always get cleared up and instead get swept away.  i'm just someone who likes to put all the cards on the table and clear the air after disputes.  some prefer to just pretend nothing happened.  that just always leaves me a bit off kilter.  not sure how to explain that.  i like closure...and some times it would be lovely if someone just acknowledged their role in a situation. i've felt like this with ex-beau's, or friendships or like this thing.  things get sticky and then it's just never resolved...just bothers me.  everyone handles things differently. i'm not very good and just letting go of things that i find hurtful and pretending they didn't happen....they did.
i hope that on my part i am willing to acknowledge when i've treated someone unfairly or rashly.  i do realize that it's not easy to put yourself out there in that way.  it's hard for all of us to admit wrongdoing...we like to be right.
 not the best picture of me, but i did get the hair cut again.  not sure he's got it how i want it yet, but it's closer. wash and wear.  i was all just chop it.  i think jessie was more nervous to cut off my locks than me.  my hair grows fast.  even the highlights he put in the last time i was there are grown out almost 2 inches. i will play this haircutting game for a bit then i'm sure i'll get bored and lazy and just let it all grow back out again. still feeling frumpy...maybe i just am frumpy??
 thing on pandas in china.  they have destroyed all but a few tiny plots of land where panda's can be in the wild.  they now have this place, in china,  that they have dedicated to breeding panda's to keep them from being extinct.  they need to work towards preserving more land so they can live in the wild rather than just accepting that panda's will one day only exist in captivity.
one biologist feels it's a waste of funds to spend so much money developing just this one species when there are so many species out there who need to be saved as well.  it's not that he hates the adorable panda's, but that he thinks cuteness shouldn't mean we only save panda's.  guess he said he'd happily eat the last panda on earth if the money would go towards the bigger issues and the greater good.  of course, in the interview he said, he's actually a vegetarian so there will be no panda eating....not to worry.
i just think it's sad that the goal is just centered around putting more panda's in the world in cages and they all appear to be imprinted on humans so none of them could ever be released back to the wild even if the space were created for them.  so many animals and plants are just being lost to this earth because of human encroachment and pollution.
 a video clip was on facebook.  this island that is inhabited by loads of birds out in the middle of nowhere,  has seen a great deal of bird death.  the necropsies are showing the deaths are related to the birds ingesting garbage, bottle caps and such while foraging in the polluted ocean.  the biologist who did the video must have been outraged and saddened by what he saw out there.  i'm grateful he took the time to spread this simple message in such a powerful form.
 snowshoe'd and shoveled today. it's the theme of february. not complaining however. i'm loving the snow! since i cut short sleeping today i did miss out on my swim.  i really had intended to get out to the pool.  gotta get my crap together and get that pool time in. it's not like i don't enjoy it, i do.
 speaking of adorable of our senators ( a republican by the way) introduced some legislation that he hopes to pass which would give a bounty to kill otters in order to boost shellfish.  why are humans always thinking they can manage nature better than nature can manage itself. it's so annoying.  $100 for an otter kill...i hope our elected officials are smart enough to not pass this bill.
 another guy killed by police after he stole a car and made a run for it.  people speak of unneccessary force by police.  i'm more inclined to side with the police in this one.  i am a nurse, being a nurse puts me at risk for contracting a disease that i may otherwise never be exposed to.  a life of crime and illegal activities puts you at risk for prison,'s a known risk to their career path so i have little patience for people who want police to put their lives at risk trying to control out of control situations and people.  if you lead police on a high speed chase or break laws and put other peoples lives at may be injured and you may die...accept the consequences of your actions.
 the heated dispute seems to go on in the letters to the editor section of the paper...the topic, surprisingly, an article weeks ago about how many birds are killed by cats, owned and feral.  who knew this would creat such a stir.  my cats are indoor only.  i'm not into free roaming cats, especially in cities.  barn cats, okay, but in a city proper, keep your cat secured.  of course, part of that for me is the lost cat or the injuries that occur with greater frequency when cats are outdoors.  had one indoor cat that escaped and i never saw her again.   lost cats as a kid who were outdoors all the time.  kotenouk would zip out between my legs anytime the door opened so i know some cats are hard to keep in.  one day that cat brought me 3 tiny birds dead and on my deck.  i made a much better effort to prevent escapes after that.  pets are our responsibility and if you have no idea where you cat is or what it is up to, then you aren't really being responsible for it's actions.  see, i don't need to write a letter to the editor...i have my blog.
 snowing today out there.
 my snowshoe tracks...blossom and i sit waiting for dogs that never come.  the skies were turning blue so it was actually relaxing.  blossom didn't mind as she got frisbee time in on the way over there.

 usually the dogs come from this direction.
 i entertained myself with snow circles.  blossom chilled on the main track and just watched me wander around.  i'm sure when i do this out there she has no idea what to think other than humans are strange.  maybe she worries i've gone a bit off the deep end.
 it's hard work to snowshoe in circles in that deep snow so i'm sure i burned a few calories today between this and doing both decks and the driveway
 blossom way over there waiting for me.  she eventually tired of me doing circles and demanded i start tossing her frisbee again.   so we went off on our merry way, leaving 6 or 7 circles in our wake.

 instead of swimming i opted to not totally be lazy and waste the day.  i cruised downtown to check on the progress of the snow sculptures. i'll head down there tomorrow for the festivities, but they look cool at night too.
 most are nowhere near finished, but there were several people working on their big blocks on snow tonight. this guy is looking cool.  you can see the model moose on the mooses nose above.
 they were working on this one as well, you can see.  not sure how late they will be out or how early they will show up again tomorrow.  i'll try and get more pictures.

 it was about 9pm when i arrived so not too many people there, a few people with cameras like me i guess, some who are obviously from out of town.  folks from japan often come to alaska in the winter on northern lights tours.  they see other stuff as well while they are here.  something about the japanese and those northern lights.  good for tourism and they all looked happy to be out and about tonight.

 in the background the ferris wheel was spinning.
 headed home past the carnival area.
 guess i've wasted enough time and should head to  bed.
lots i want to do tomorrow.  dog races, outhouse races....

1 comment:

  1. I like that picture of you! Your hair looks nice!

    I'm the same way about wanting things to be said. I get so aggravated by people who refuse to just have the difficult conversations and pretend like nothing is happening or has happened. I much prefer just getting things said and out there. I have become more and more confrontational over the years -- I feel in a positive way that is still sensitive and meant as a means to repair problems -- and I'm genuinely surprised by many people's preference to just hide away and not try to solve or address issues.