Friday, April 11, 2014

part two...

 i'm on call for the moment.  i didn't sleep well so i was cool with saying yes to an on call.  i think i just took a mini nap so that could help if/when that phone rings.  there are little water falls along the seward highway and i had fun stopping and trying to get some photo's there.  like the black and whites.
 cruised over to portage lake, just to have a look see. folks seem to be safely playing out there still.  saw a few walkers headed out to the glacier, but mostly these ski-sailors.
 there were quite a few out there.  a few more way far back and tracks all over from them.
 one night of work under my belt.  was over in PCU last night.  sweet little patients so i can't complain.  that place can keep you busy.
 this is that coyote i ran across along the seward highway. always a cool sighting!!
 was thinking about PEAT, which is an early intervention team.  anyway, it occurred to me working out on PCU now a few times that in a way having this PEAT crew takes away some of the power of the regular staff workers.  they are seemingly no longer believed regarding their patients as now everything needs to be run through the PEAT team.
 when i had one case of a patient doing poorly a few weeks back, it was mentioned that i should have let the Dr i called know i was an ICU nurse.  i felt i shouldn't "pull rank" as it were.  when i work PCU i'm a PCU nurse, when i work ER i'm an ER nurse.  the Dr's no longer will just trust you though, they will only take action once you have involved the PEAT nurse.
 just strange how a thing turns out, not as you expect.  i further surmised that in the end it could turn out that this PEAT team could ultimately slow care and transfers  if a nurse is not listened to and does not immediately involve a PEAT nurse.
 it's just a trend.  it's not just happening in other places, it's happening in the ICU as well.  the latest edict was that nurses there must consult with the charge nurse about an open heart patient before contacting one of the cardiac surgeons.  we can't be trusted...or have we just given over that power without knowing it.
 of course, i do find it funny that there are intensivists in the ICU and the open heart guys have not said to call them first...they still want control.  hospital politics....always entertaining.
 i do miss the days when you just called the doctor and made your case.  that also came at a cost.  many of these nurses now don't have the experience of having to call a doctor with a negative personality.  they deal with the same doctors most of the time through hospitalists and intensivists.  so it's all a bit gentler and's a soft generation coming up.
 i know that sounds mean, but it just seems like our society is protected in many ways and therefore less able to handle some of the less pleasant aspects of life.  sorry, the one above loaded sideways, but it was a favorite so i left it in.
 each generation is softer than the last.  the late baby boomers were the first of the softies i guess.  maybe not.  overall, most of us have our basic needs met and so our lives are soft in comparison to many others we share this earth with.  i'm not complaining, i like having a warm place to sleep, food to eat, clean water to drink and indoor plumbing.
 my house in many ways is pretty small in comparison to others in these United States, but i know in many parts of the world this would be considered quite the house.  several families would happily share these walls for the electricity, plumbing and warmth.  it's not infested with creatures and though there is crime in Anchorage, it's not at a level where you live in a panic state all the time wondering when not if.
 soon all the ice and snow will be gone except for the higher elevations and the glaciers.
 today was super spring standards.  probably what kept me from sleeping well.  all the neighbors and their kids and dogs were out there enjoying the day.
 little rainbow in the small waterfall.
 a few from the hike at potters.
 today after i got the on call i zipped out to do a loop in the bog.  it's pretty slushy out there.  no moose sighted.
 the bears will soon be coming out.  a few sightings here and there.  mostly south of town.
 rio smells the moose down there in the gully
 my friend got worse and seems to be slowly improving again.  after so many ups and downs it's hard to allow myself hope for her.  i keep her and her family in my prayers but i have a hard time being as optimistic as the other folks on facebook seem to be.  not that i don't hope for her survival, just that it's been so long and i work in medicine and i worry about her outcome.
 at some point you just pray for peace and you say...thy will be done.  none of it is in our power.  not even sure there is a power.  i think we all like to think there is some entity out there who has some control of all the madness, but  i suspect the truth is, even if there is, our lives are mostly lived without intervention.  i think the best you can do is hope and accept what comes.
 guess i tend to see all these comments on the power of prayer and i have to wonder...did a God really intervene today and last week and the week before but still has left her to battle this over and over again for months on end?  it just isn't that simple.  it's hard to know what to say for me some days.  i know what her husband wants and needs  to hear and in the end that is what i find to say...
 i know nothing more than anyone else though.  it is always baffling.  why some get such trials in life while others seem to skate through.  i'm whatever scrap of religion that makes sense of things in the moment and it's changing all the time.  if thinking as a Christian helps today, i think as a Christian, if thinking as a Buddhist helps, then i think as a Buddhist...
 everyone has answers but none of them really do.  we, as humans, just like to believe we have answers. we also love to believe we have the right answers. it's much more honest to admit that we don't though. that there may be a power or there may not be.  i tend to live without a rope to hold on to.  it does give my brain some room to explore though.
 and after a rain, sometimes you get to see a rainbow...i hope that is true for my friend.
grateful fors 1.  sunshine that is more warm than cold 2.. watching dogs sleep.  they are so totally at peace in sleep, dreaming and snoring.  it always relaxes me.  3.. having a job where just by my kindness i can make a huge impact on a strangers life.  one that is never really noticed outwardly, but from which i have received many internal blessings.

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