Sunday, December 18, 2016


 got pretty frosty in some parts of town last week.  bits of snow this week.  still hoping for a few good dumps.  need to get those snowshoes out!!  would also like to get some sledding in this winter.
 bog twice this stretch.  the dogs enjoyed running around a bit.  generally can't go wrong in the bog.
 Ivy monitors the hood from the upstairs window
 will need to prepare for Monday's Christmas tree decoration... if you come bring tennis balls strung up and ready to hang on branches in trees.  a gift to other dogs out there on the trails and a bit of a memorial from Blossom.  who loved tennis balls.
 gentleman walking on the beach.  you can see that one big ice floe passing by.  gives some perspective i think.
 slept in today.  that seems pretty common after my shifts at work.  i really should force myself to get moving a bit faster, especially with the light at it's lowest right now.
 3 nights of work in the past.  Holds in ER on night one. always pretty busy.  i think i had 8 admits through the night.  sometime near 2 am, they were going to give me another patient and i said i was getting hangry and needed a break before i got the next never catch up.  don't think i'd say hangry if i was totally pissed off but the charge came to me when i was on my break to make sure i wasn't ticked off. it's just a thankless job some nights.  as soon as you get one out they are already planning on the next ones they will give you.  you never catch up, you accomplish the bare minimum and at some point you find yourself giving up on stuff that on a normal night you would neurotically do.
 next night i was in PCU.  night wasn't bad.  i really should create some sort of fake persona.  patients ask questions.  just making conversation i know but it can get tedious at times...this one patient had a question each time i came in the room.  "how many grandkids do you have?" none, i have no children. next time i come in room, "what does your husband do for a living?" i don't have a husband.  next time, "what does your boyfriend do for a living?".  i don't have a boyfriend.  just talk about the weather or whatever is on your tv or what you read last week...
 i'm not ashamed i don't have these things or feel like i have some incomplete life, but it is what it is.  of course, next he was asking for my number to see if he could call me, and asked if i was on fb....
 i realize i am not a spring chicken but i also am not keen on finding some even older guy to start up a relationship with at this stage of the game.  i guess i see that playing out as like i get with some old guy, he gets ill, i spend what's left of my healthy years taking care of said guy and draining whatever i have out of myself, then guy dies, all his money goes to his ex-wives and kids and i am alone to care for my debilitating state.  depressing.  it would be lovely to have some like minded person who is healthy and active to hang out with, but there is something to be said for meeting someone when you are younger, getting together and growing old together as opposed to meeting and marrying when you are older.  i think much of that has to do with all of our mental states.  it's a bit of denial i'm sure.  we don't really see ourselves as aging as much as we probably are and therefore when you are in your 50's and looking at other people your age..they seem older.
 it's often just odd to me as well that who i am, who we all are is so tied into those basic things of who we married, what they do for a living.  as a female you were supposed to get a good catch.  a provider, someone to take care of you.  i suspect my independent streak was at play a great deal in my eventual lack of a partner. i didn't want to need to be taken care of.  i didn't want to need someone.  i also wasn't keen on some men's need to be needed.  wouldn't you rather have a partner that wants to be with you than one that needs to be with you?
 my last night i was in CICU.  not always my favorite.  mostly because i have always felt like i'm a bit of a jinx for heart cath patients.  was in a panic the night before when one heart cath patient i had kept coughing hard...felt like i was just waiting for the patient to start bleeding.  in my head and to my co-workers i kept saying.  "stop coughing"...all was chill that night though.
 ran into a fellow float nurse as i headed into CICU and he headed to ICU.  he was all, "your going to CICU?".  then he was annoyed saying if they were sending me to CICU that meant that he was going to have a triple in his mind they only send him there if i'm also on if it's a i was getting special treatment i guess.  i looked later...he did have a triple.  just an odd conversation.
 another funny SNL Drumpf skit.  guess Baldwin said he'd stop when Drumpf showed his taxes.  haha.  so this will continue on for years i guess.  at least until the impeachment happens...oh it will happen, haha.  the Republicans have gotten themselves into a death spiral with this one.  still some will say, "but Hillary...".
 Hillary is gone. no matter how crooked you thought she was, it is of no consequence at this point. now it's all on him and them.  there is no more" but Hillary..".there is only him and his billionaire band of white men. if there was no Hillary at all...or if Drumpf was a Democrat that had just won the election...can you imagine what the Republicans would be doing right now.  they would be doing everything they could to oust him.  they would not be defending his actions and words.  they would be aghast that he will not really slam Putin for meddling in the election.  they would call him unpatriotic, immoral, unethical, the pussy grabbing, the lack of transparency, the taxes withheld...this man they have embraced and elected is not a Republican except in word.  he's not anything but a Drumpfican...he has managed to rebrand the party into something completely unrelated to the ideals that created it.
 fog on the ground but the planes were still taking off.
 and the moon.
 this is probably 3:30?

 prettier than what my photo's show.  it was getting dark and i never have a tripod around or bother with it i guess.

 the fog had made everything covered over with ice.  very cool looking

 other photo fanciers out there enjoying the beautiful afternoon
 better crash so i don't sleep in again until 2!!  night
thankful for: A.  not being grossly overweight. i am overweight but i take care of folks who can't even leave their homes, people who every aspect of their lives is impacted by the weight they have acquired.  B. the many photo's of Blossom. makes my heart happy to just see her and remember all the joy she brought to my life.  i miss her every day.  C.  that it sounds like some have been able to evacuate from Aleppo.  it's a drop in the bucket i know, but in such a horrid state as that place is i'll take the smallest blip of hope.

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