old and the new...

 am not doing well flipping over to day shift this week.  seem to accomplish more in the wee hours.  or waste time better in the wee hours more like it.  the warm chinooks and rainy weather are not helping me be motivated to get out there.  finally made it out for a loop of rovers run today. not much to take pictures of.  melting snow, ice that isn't overly photographic...

 and always the tree's.

 tomorrow is new years eve.  i'm believing a hockey game will suffice for festivities.  sounds good to me.  my brother sounds like he'll be getting to the rose parade with his family.  i'm a wee  bit jealous. it is a fun parade...the best really.  i grew up in south pasadena so the floats would meander down our street in the wee hours to get to the parade route.  we sold rose parade programs as a fund raiser for our church.  i'd go door to door or i'd join others at the float buildings where the tourists would gather to watch the finishing touches being put on the floats. i also sold programs on the parade route the morning of the parade.  it always was so cold out there.  i do recall one year being on one of the bridges.  when the big bands marched across the bridge it was impressive.  as i got older, i spent the nights on the parade route with friends.  it was a 5 mile long party.  other friends would cruise colorado blvd in their cars and we'd hop in for a spin.  one of those friends was greg.  he's gone now.  aids.

 was so sad to hear of his passing.  it was a few years after he had passed away.  we'd always suspected he was gay, but we were all still mormon, all on the verge of leaving. none of us brought it up because we knew he wasn't wanting us to bring it up.    we lost track and then he was gone.

 aids was a bigger deal in those early days of it.  not that it's not a big deal now, but people were in the hospitals, dying from it.  there were many unanswered questions. lots of fear.  it's pretty rare that we have anyone in for aids anymore.  mostly, they are in for other stuff and it's just part of their history to be hiv positive. around the globe the disease is still killing like it was here, but here, it's mostly controlled.

 greg and our on the verge of leaving the church gang had a lot of fun.  we spent many evenings at this comedy club in pasadena.  the ice house.  it was a small joint.  we saw brad garrett there on several occasions.  met him a few times.  he was hysterical...we always went when we heard he was playing the club.  greg cruised colorado blvd on new years eve and we'd take turns riding in his convertible car. i'll try and get up early to watch the parade.  i spoke to my niece, claire, today as well.  she was planning to take her kids to the parade. i told her jeff was going with his family so maybe they can all meet up somewhere.

 on occasion i pick up some old cd's from my film day and load them on the computer.  this way i can load them on to my shutterly account and save them someplace besides my house.  so these are from the 3 cd's i loaded today.  the bears are from mcneil river. i went there in 2005.  i really should check into going again.  it is a pretty amazing place.  it's time to start thinking about next summers plans.  cabins are going fast.  will try for byers in august i think this year.  hopefully the bugs will have died down a bit by then.

 i was cool watching bears at mcneil river.  wouldn't want to have those close encounters on a trail anywhere else.  still need to get to katmai one of these days.  i have also not been to wrangell /st elias park.  it's supposed to be awesome.  there is just so much to see in this state.  want to spend some time in homer this year. it's been awhile since i just hung there without crossing over to kachemak bay for a paddle.

 my friends and i are all itching to get back to the ice for a paddle so  hopefully we can make that happen.  there is just something cool about paddling near those massive glaciers.

 met up with sandra to see that "guilt trip" movie.  it was a nice laugh.  want to see that les miserabe, but wasn't in the mood for that heavy of a flick today.  this weather seems to have driven many to the movies tonight.  parking was hell. had a headache so i skipped the pool and took a wee nap.  i know i suck.  will be better in 2013 i swear!!

 also managed to write a bit more on the book. very slow going.  i loaded what little i have on a cd and will send it to my brother, who has kindly offered to be my editor.  perhaps, my editor will be able to nag me into writing more.  i should probably just take a few minutes and write when i get home from work.  then that stuff will be clear in my head.

 a mama bear and her cub.  teaching it how to fish.  it was funny seeing how the different mama's would use different fishing techniques and then you could see that her babies would use her techniques.

 lots of fish out there and the seagulls and bald eagles were all too happy to do clean up for what the bears left behind, which was quite a bit.  they get selective with the fish they catch and eat the best stuff then off for another fish.

 just the scenery at mcneil.  we really never got much sky.  cloudy and rainy for our permitted days there.

 it's pretty out there.  was kinda happy i didnt' go at prime viewing.  we wandered around more since it was the end of the season and less bears were about.  early and end is more meandering.

 more old pictures.  this is my old lab, baby huey. the brown lab is my friend kelly's dog.  still a pup at this time. mandee.  she's an old gal now.  huey used to carry this old sled around all winter and i'd toss it like a humongous frisbee.  he'd carry that thing 5 miles some days.

 these are in kincaid park and around the park.  moose in the fog.

 more fog shots.

 mama and calf in the fog. went with several friends  and dogs.

 and a few that were clearly taken the last day of this particular kayaking trip.  we went to dangerous passage and icy bay.  it was a super wet trek  out there.  the only trip that was wetter was out to blackstone bay. that was miserable really.  at least in both cases the water was calm.  these were the only mountain sightings we had. otherwise the clouds were almost on the water. we saw nothing.

 the next year other friends asked if i wouldn't mind returning to this same place even though i'd already been.  i was happy to return being that i saw nothing that first time.  we went the next year and had beautiful weather.  i think that was the trip though that we underestimated the high tide and were within inches of being swamped in our tents with no place to retreat to because our camp was set up by the cliff.  lucky for us a boat didn't go past and creat a wake.

 as we went to meet our water taxi the blue skies finally graced us with their presence.  everything we had was soaked.  i had a great tent but had brought my crap one. i didn't want to risk damaging my good tent.  i slept with puddles in the tent the whole week.  i gave the tent away for use as a dog tent after that.

 so these pictures on this dvd were deceiving of the trip. we never made it far as the ice chocked up the bays with the glaciers.

 here i am...drying out i'm sure.

no talk of work or drama....nice, huh.  work is what i do to live the life. it's a good life!!

desert flower...

some people live ordinary lives, others live extraordinary ones.  waris dirie took an ordinary life and turned it into an extraordinary life.  it's within each of us. we can't all make the impact that waris did, but we can all have an impact even if it seems small.  waris was a somalian nomad who lived with her family until the age of 13 when she was to be wed to an older man in exchange for camels.  she fled, eventually landing in london and becoming a model.  the truth of her life as a victim of female genital mutilation became her platform.  this still happens to many little girls, but she has been instrumental in bringing this practice to light and for working to end it.  the movie was very good.
it's always just awe inspiring to me how easy my life is compared to so many others that share this earth with me.  makes me grateful, but also indebted.  i am indebted to whatever it is that brought me to the circumstances of such an easy life. i should do more, i should make more of an impact.  i have so much yet give so little.
in many ways, an easy life isn't the gift we all think it is.  it makes us lazy and unappreciative and whiney.

melt down...

 got into the 40's today with chinook winds blowing through.  makes for a midwinter mess.  my poor little ourdoor igloo attempt is no more.  destroyed.  here are the crumbling bits.

 i slept in and woke with a headache.  with the wind out there it took some time to get motivated.  i did finally make it outside.  rio opted out so i took blossom to one of the local multiuse trails.  don't think i hit the trail til 3pm so it was already getting dark.  the multiuse trails are lit up at night. we were out over an hour.  blossom doesn't always appreciate leash walks, but it's good for me to take her on one every so often.  do some basic training.  she's very good.  leash is better on these trails.  tends to be loads of traffic.

 quite a few decorations out there on the trails.  always fun.  my attempts to get pictures was hampened by the oncoming darkness and the wind.

 mostly a veg out night.  nothing wrong with that.  my brain still is kicking around thoughts of should i stay or should i go.

 suspect val got the wrath for forwarding that email to me.   she did nothing wrong.  she would have no way to know that subterfuge was involved.  would have been strange as well if she'd sent it without the other attachments since i would not have expected my schedule to be changed.  it was clear that was what she wanted from me, but it wasn't something i said, great go ahead to.  one would expect a follow up conversation that is more rational and less heated.  one doesn't expect someone to go behind ones back and pull the wool over others eyes in order to accomplish their goal.  this was obviously not well thought out. that is what happens when you act rashly in anger.  it's better to cool off first then re-approach.  especially if you are in a position such as she is.  of course, she was upset that i was sent the emails...she had something to hide.  val would not have known that.  to her it was just an email about my schedule and so surely i was aware and so it seemed reasonable to cc me on it.  it was reasonable.  not sure when or how she intended to let me know that she'd made this change.  i just don't know how she figured this would all play out.

 this trail will take you down to westchester lagoon. there are a series of tunnels that go under major streets.

 strange ice meltage.

 always love the random gloves hanging about.  saw several moose out there on the trails as well.  that first guy above and again below was with his mom.  saw another youngish one on his own later.  as the winter continues the town will fill with more moose looking for food.

 annoyed today as well that i'm getting blamed for things i am not to blame for.  i highly doubt anyones vacation has been cancelled because i do weekends in acc.  really? also it occurred to me that once i do all my weekends in picu and the other girl gets made to do her weekends...well that could mean every other week with that girl.  that is so not appealing either.  it goes on the go list for sure.

 got pretty sloppy out there.  still quite a few skiers out there enjoying the warm weather.  blossom was itching to go lay down in these ponds and the creek that runs alongside the trail.

 this is a big root from the winds this past fall.  looked pretty cool.  was getting a bit dark for decent photography.

 blossom looks a bit pathetic as she tried to convince me to unleash her so she can romp in the water.

 by 4 the darkness descends.

 hanging baubles overhead.

 saw these pretty lit up trees from the trail, so after the walk i drove around and found this large home.  the only one on the dead end road.  a trailhead at the end.  nice location i'd say.  liked the lights.  so pretty!

 probably pretty spendy.  still getting a few christmas cards in the mail.  love snail mail.  i think i will turn in early tonight.  at least settle in with a movie and relax.  feeling tired today.  probably too much sleep.  will have to set the alarm and get my lazy arse out of bed tomorrow.

 another cute display as i drove around for a few minutes.  had a turkey breast in the crockpot for today....those always turn out so good.  gravy, mashed taters.  i'm stuffed...probably a post turkey drowiness, though they say the turkey doesn't actually make you sleepy...it's probably the overeating that does.

 miss breezy chatterbug chills with her seasonal friend mr bear as he reads her a bedtime story.  my mother would have loved this bear.  she loved mechanical toys that spoke/sang/danced...she was always finding some contraption for all the kids to play with.

 at the trail start, my car in the background.  i had just passed this guy when it crossed over the trail.

well, a calmer me tonight.  still annoyed and still undecided, but calmer.  will be annoyed again when the conversation eventually takes place and this person attempts to save face and pretend that it was just a misunderstanding and she thought for sure i understood after that conversation that this was her intention....see no subterfuge...yeah right.  speak the truth or don't speak at all.  people may not always like what i say, but they at least know it's the truth.  as they say...the truth will set you free.  i'm a fan.  one lie tends to begat another lie and so on and so on.

bohemian waxwings...

 such beautiful little birds.  they cruise around the hood in large groups.  they seem to like my tree.  i was chatting with my brother joel when i heard them. i  was actually in shock as i have spoken to joel 2 x in one week.  that just doesn't happen.  nice to chat though. sounds like a few packages arrived the day after christmas.  just sent off more packages. i joked with the postal dude (who actually had a sense of humor) that i'd given up getting them there by this christmas and was hoping they'd arrive before next christmas.

 work was busy with babies with the respiratory bugs.  snorfling and coughing and nose suctioning....those little ones can sure keep you busy.  enjoying a peaceful snot free night.  hit the gasline trail with the dogs today then actually made it to the gym for a swim.  swim went well.  i've decided that the hot tub after is a bad idea until the veins get fixed. vasodilation made for me feeling pretty crappy.  i stopped by work to drop off the calendars to those who won them in the drawing.  katie looked a bit alarmed..i must have looked as bad as i felt.  came home and elevated and feel better now.  probably just did too much as well after working 3 nights and little sleep.

 work was stressful, not because of the sick patients.  felt ambushed the day after christmas, i was approached  in the middle of shift change about my schedule and we got into it a bit.  a more professional way to deal would have been to email me and request a time we could discuss the schedule.  professional wasn't to happen in this instance so the row was there for all to hear.  it's been busy in the peds/picu and when that happens my strange little way of life going between 2 units comes into question. this happens every year. staffing gets tight and i'm obviously the cause of it all.  this person is bothered apparently that my required weekend days occur on the days i'm in the adult unit.  the rational she gave for having me reverse my days didn't make sense.  it really comes down to, it bothers her that i do my weekends down there and that this unit has to pay my benefits.  the hospital hasn't figured out how to split my benefit money between the two units so peds/picu has been stuck paying.  so it's not that i'm not aware of this, but...to ambush me with a total change and no reasonable rational  seems silly.

 i've been doing this for almost 8 years  now.  i think there are a few co-workers that grumble as well about me doing my weekends down in the adult unit. they also grumble that i get credit for floating when i float down there because i like it...apparently a float only should count if you are miserable.   i find that some people are miserable in their own lives and it eats away at them to see someone happy.  they just can't leave that be.  i'm not one to let their misery bring me down.  one of these grumblers, i suspect, fears that her life weekend free at work is nearing an end and to counter this she is set on reminding everyone that i do my weekends in the adult ward, if only to protect her no weekend status.  we are all required to do 2 weekends a month. a point that i wasn't hesitant to remind this person...i at least am doing my required and perhaps if this person were to do her required she may fix this crisis that i alone am currently able to fix.  not sure how moving me to weekends fixes the fact that many of the staff are new and learning.  i don't like being a hydrant for others to pee on.  when i feel attacked, i attack back.

 apparently i ticked her off and the next night in the wee hours i discovered that emails had been exchanged during the day and according to these emails i will change to doing my weekends in the peds units starting in march.  i wasn't supposed to see these emails but thankfully, they were forwarded to me because some people have a sense of ethics and fair play.  it's my life, my schedule so i should be involved.  i did note that the truth was stretched  and manipulated, this came into play in convincing others that this was the best course of action.  of course, at this point i found myself livid.  ambush, going behind my back, manipulating the truth...these are all things that will piss me off.

 sorry to ramble...at this point i will have to make some decisions as to my future.  it's been a good run. i do enjoy what i do.  we shall see.  nothing last forever and there are options that are available.  this person is now aware that her  email has been seen by me as i responded to all.  i corrected the blatant inaccuracies and mentioned that i should be included in these conversations not excluded.  no response at this time.  it's good to have friends who are watching out for you!!

 change is stressful, but it can also be great to shake it up every so often.  things happen for a reason. the world won't end if i change jobs and i suspect she is hoping i will.  she is only thinking budget and i doubt she really grasps what i bring to the unit.  not sure i want to have to deal with this sort of issue on an ongoing basis.  will let some time pass and hopefully life will seem clearer.  the peds unit has been adamant that i would have no set schedule and this could mess up my whole schedule if i do the weekends for them without assurances that my dates won't be  messed with.  there are reasons it's worked for these past 8 years.  sorry to ramble.  it's what i do to clear my head.

 neighborhood snowman.  have hit dog park, bog and the gasline trail this stretch.  wednesday i just slept.  can't believe i'm still awake tonight.  life would be less complicated if i were a snowman...he looks pretty happy.

 my local post office was victim to a crime  someone has been stealing post boxes.  this guys' buddy went missing and now they aren't accepting mail here.  3 other post boxes went missing across town.  mail was stolen and fraudulent charges/checks were written.  luckily, this box was stolen after the last pick up so it's doubtful there was much in it.  maybe some christmas cards that don't arrive.  tampering with federal mail is not a good idea. i think you can get in big trouble with the feds for that.  this mailbox looked lonely without his buddy.  all he could do was stand there as his buddy was ripped off...so sad.  :-(

 from gas line trail.

 more of the birds enjoying the sunshine and relative warmth.  we've been in the 20 's at least.

need to start planning my summer...try anyway.  all i can plan at this moment is how to crawl into bed.  hoping for a clearer tomorrow.  good night.