Monday, April 30, 2012


the old bed rotation. the old dog bed becomes the outdoor bed. at the end of the season i will toss it. rio loves to lay out on the deck. she looks like she's being reflective, but who knows what dogs ponder. when she first arrived here she would have never stayed outside without me, happy to see how much she improves year by year in her seperation issues. she's still a bit of a nut case though.past few days i've taken the dogs to university lake. i'd heard the lake was thawed enough to be safe. blossom did climb on the residual ice once to retrieve her tennis ball, but all was well. today after the lake i cruised over to potters marsh. my friend maureen had said on facebook that the sandhill cranes were out there. when i got off work i came home and soon heard that distinctive call of the sandhill crane. i went out on the back deck just in time to see a pair fly over. they make the coolest sound, love those big ole prehistoric looking birds. this reflection above and many of the next several are reflections from potters marsh. only saw 2 sandhills there but they were reasonably close for picture taking.i have been reflective myself. i'm a ruminator. at least that is what i call it. i tend to get a thing in my head and then ruminate about it over and over. just got my copy of a book that i've heard recommended several times over. it will no doubt make me ruminate a bit more until i'm done reading it. the book, "Quiet, the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking" by susan cain. i often joke that i am a hermit. i'm not actually a hermit, but i do know that i am on the introverted side. they had a little quiz. i came out as expected, though the funny thing is a friend i recently dined with claims herself introverted while i know she is anything but. we all percieve ourselves in certain ways. watching myself on the news broadcast i know that i have a perception of myself and i will never be pleased with the reality that comes across on screen or tape. you hear a recording of your voice message and you just are baffled...that can't be me? on the news i see my flaws and find it hard to believe that this is what others see of me. perhaps the world was better when you only caught a rare glimpse of yourself in a pond on a windless day.i do prefer small groups and solitude. i find it easier to express myself in writing and other art forms. i do let calls go to voicemail or answer emails and texts when i feel like it. i think i get annoyed by im and texting at times because there seems to be this obligation to interact. it wasnt on the list but i suspect most introverts like me see those things as a bit of an invasion to my solitude. small talk is tedious to me. i really only enjoy talking to people and being with people that i find interesting and with whom i can engage in deeper conversations with. this can happen with people i don't know well, i just tend to bypass the small talk. the book says not all introverts are shy, but i think i tend to be shy. self esteem can be a tricky bugger. i do try and hang with people who are positive. i think that is one reason for my rumination. have had a friend that ultimately seems to have made a negative impact on my sense of self. not blaming this friend, just that i have to adapt how i deal with the friendship. some friendships just can have limitations that didn't present themselves right off. many friends are in our lives for specific reasons. i have friends that are the cheerleader types, just have nothing but great things to say about you, others who are the reality check types and will be brutally honest when that is needed. some are just fun, when you need a laugh, some listen when you need to talk. not too many people can fill all those roles so we all need a good support system. will be interesting to see if this book discusses introverts being friends with extroverts. some extroverts just fill a room and as an introverted person it just got easy to get lost in the crowd. overtime i found myself a bit resentful of my status as audience member. 1:1 all was fine, but in a larger gathering things changed. personalities change though in a group dynamic. some people become larger and louder while others like myself tend to shrink back and become more silent. we all need validation in life and for some that validation is nearly constant, while others find validation difficult to find and/or to believe. don't like to be a cry baby titty mouse,(no idea where that expression came from but it's always worked for me) but we all have needs and when they aren't met we react. what is rather funny is that as an introvert i find myself pondering and analyzing the events of the past years while as an extrovert i know this person has probably never given this much thought. tried to discuss it with this person as i like to just confront issues and move on, but that hasn't happened. oddly, i relate it to baseball. some are in the major leagues and others play in the minor leagues. when i questioned how things had become, quietly i was just moved from the major league status to a minor league status. i see that i have been rotated out. i know i partially rotated myself out. a friendship should overall help you feel good about yourself and if you find your self esteem suffering or the friendship becomes lopsided, what are you going to do. it's not that we aren't friends, just that things have changed. i do also find that certain friendships help you through specific times of your life. you remain friends, but as events change and life change so does the friendship. so it's not something that i am angry over, i think just sad and maybe disappointed. had no idea i could be so easily rotated out of the majors. overall i must say, i am happier with me now that i feel more in control of how i react to things. just was easy to get pulled in to a vortex when you aren't paying attention. these were at the university lake. the days continue to be beautiful! keep waiting for rain. it did get a bit cloudy so saturday i think i slept all day, happily. the dogs get a rare walkless day. probably 1-2 days a month that i don't get them out for thier walk. they seem to manage that okay. the dog park can be a place of small talk. sunday is a busy day there and i, being between shifts, am even less excited to chit chat. one lady joined me as i did the loop. she was nice enough, but my brain was boggy and i was really having a tough time keeping up with the discussion. she likes birding and photography...and dogs of course. work went well. had a good co-worker. we both seem to like to take care of our patients and we worked well together to get that done. going above and beyond, which i totally know the patients and thier families appreciated. we were all laughing and dancing as we worked. anything you can do to make it less stressful for patients and families is generally appreciated i find. not sure how it came up but one patients daughter mentioned that she doesn't want kids but that everyone keeps telling her how much she'll regret not having them. i looked at her and said i was almost 50 and that i found that i haven't regretted it yet. not that i ever said i don't want kids ever...i fully assumed i would marry and have kids, but i never seemed to have that biological clock that said get preggers no matter what. i've seen some people with that strong biological drive make some huge mistakes and have watched the misery that comes with that. i didn't find the right guy and ultimately i just lived the life that presented itself. it's worked out lovely for me. i was worried i'd regret not having kids when i was younger too, but really that hadn't happened and i'm happy most days that it worked out as it did. the daughter was really happy to hear this and requested a hug in gratitude. mentioned this to another co-worker and she too was happy to hear that i had no regrets as she is also in that age group and worried she'll have regrets. i told her to just tell people that she is buddhist and was an arachnid in her previous life and therefore she had over 30,000 children and is happy to skip that experience in this life. we both laughed. (liked this license plate i saw as i drove home from work the other day)this reflection is in the bog. blossom above, rio below. on this day i took the dogs to westchester lagoon and then walked the coastal trail. total of 4 miles. the trail was mostly clear of snow so i thought it would be a pleasant walk for rio. had a native family i cared for. the report was that the mom was odd, wasn't grasping the situation. i found her sweet. i think there are some cultural differences that people just don't really understand. perhaps these many years of work with natives has helped me to see things differently. loved this family and put a positive spin on them as i reported off. when nurses give report we talk about you and your family. just saying. can't believe april is over already. dang...i have much to do still to get ready for various summer trips! mostly hotels and dog sitters. yikes!! it's getting to be push time. i tend to be a procrasinator about the pets which is terrible. i think it's because i hate leaving them so it's a form of denial to just pretend it won't happen. tires are supposed to be changed over by tomorrow. ooops!! i have an appointment for the big 60,000 mile check and tire changeover for wednesday. hopefully i don't get caught. it's a bit of a fine per tire. suspect it's a fix it ticket, but still don't want to be bothered. i need to empty out the car and get the summer tires loaded in. i may see if they can detail it a bit as well. it's a mess!more from the coastal trailmay is a busy month. seems like you have to do the bulk of the yardwork up front and then just mow the rest of the summer. my prediction that the snow would be on the ground til june or july and my yard chores would be limited seems to not be panning out. the long, warm days are succeeding in melting and the large amount of snow we had seems to have prevented the deeper freeze that usually occurs. some local artwork. another polar/grizzly bear has been killed in canada. a bit sad as i partly suspect that this combo bear is a natural selection progression that may be tough enough to survive the global warming and human encroachment. the group that shot it stated the bear was more aggressive than any other they'd run across. also read in the national geographic about the sad state of the koala's in austrailia. they are smaller than our moose here, but like the moose they are trying to adapt to a more and more populated environment. it's not an easy thing to do. cars and dogs take out many of these adorable creatures. the eucalyptus trees they survive on are disappearing in the name of progress. once home to millions of koala's, thier numbers have dropped to less than half a million. guess they were almost completely descimated due to the quality of thier fur coats, rebounded once hunting was disallowed, but now are struggling again due to increased human encroachment. they are so sad to read about thier plight over there. remember working in the koala house at the los angeles zoo when i was a volunteer keeper there. who couldn't love these guys!another article was about iceland. seems like i've seen alot of shows/articles about iceland lately. it looks like a beautiful place. i may have to make that one of the annual trips. we went international once with churchill...perhaps it's time again. thought this picture turned out cool. below is city paid for artwork at weschester lagoon. do like when communities add a bit or art to otherwise dull structures.back to potters marsh...a magpie wanders the boardwalk. and a few canadian geese show up.not sure what type of bird this guy is..anyone? posted a few pictures of him. looks like a duck of some sort, but couldn't find it in my bird book. i know various birds wander through our state this time of identifying? just curious.these guys i don't need help identifying. sandhill cranes. no pictures of the ones that flew over my house this morning. no time to grab the camera. i've taken better pictures of sandhills, but still always fun to see them. hearing them is the real fun though!!returning birds are such happy signs of spring!!birdcage at potters. lots of them out there, this one was just cuter than the rest due to it's license plate decor!more reflections.grebe out at university lake. these birds were making alot of noise out there today as well. the silence of winter is being replaced by the return of the birds. these guys were a fun sighting over the past few days out at university lake. muskrats. at first someone said they were baby beaver, but they are muskrat i believe. cute though. they kept popping upon the ice. again, not my best pictures, but blossom was chasing tennis ball, rio was looking for treats and i was trying to take pictures of smallish critters fairly far off on the water. have no idea what they are munching on out there. signs of life!probably should grab a bite to eat. i've ruminated enough. will curl up with my book and ruminate some more though i'm sure.

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