Monday, August 20, 2012

dillingham, alaska

thought i'd toss in a few from dillingham. we all split up and wandered around the town. always fun to see how each person sees the same place. i think i'm the only one that walked this far down to the harbor.
just watched "amelie". always a favorite. despite how often i've seen this movie before it connected with me in a different way today. it's a lovely movie. a nice reminder to not let fear get in the way of possible happinesses in this life. one never knows where anything will lead, but it's easy to let that inner shy child hold you back. our hearts are fragile from being broke too many times at this stage of life, but love and life are meant to be experienced, both the good of it and the bad of it.
had an enjoyable evening out with friends tonight. women are just different than men and i do miss having the male perspective. perhaps i can just allow myself the chance to be open to whatever life may bring. a movie like "amelie" is just a good reminder. i see myself in that character. i forget to see all the good that is in me. it's easy in this world though. so competitive, in such a competitive world it's so easy to begin to believe that you are lacking. if you don't believe in yourself how will anyone else. at times i wonder if anyone else even sees me. i feel invisible, walking the earth, so quietly, i'm not noticed at all.
for some time i think i have tried to be invisible, fear is a powerful deterrent to living the full life we all are capable of and deserve. it's also easy to allow someone else to steal the sunshine. the sun shines on me also and it's been nice lately to bask in that warmth and accept myself and even allow others to accept me as well. it's good also to speak and be heard.
work was fine. 4 nights down. my co-worker was playing bollywood music on pandora my first 2 nights. it's really quite catchy and relaxing. found myself dancing. i don't know the words like amita does, but we had fun. i was grooving to some bollywood when my patients wife came in. she was very nice and i suppose it's not a bad thing seeing your family members nurse doing a little dancing. got her laughing and i know that she was able to leave for a few hours each night and get much needed sleep knowing i was there as the caregiver. does your heart good to be able to make families feel confident that you aren't just doing the basics, but that you will care for their loved ones as you would your own. that doesn't mean i don't lose it like anyone else. it's not always the most easy job.
the fishermen memorial in dillingham. names and dates of those lost are listed in the boat below. that day i had felt i should go pay my respects to those lost at sea and express how grateful i was to not be among those many lives lost to the sea.
at times i get frustrated with family. it's tough to feel like you are the one always making the effort to keep in touch. most of the time i just make the calls but sometimes it just gets annoying. facebook is great but at times with my family it's another place of frustration. i'm more and more annoyed by the constant negative political banter that is out there. such hatred. it's sad to me really. personally, i think when people have such hatred towards politicians or political views it's really more of an expression of the disappointment in their own lives. people who can't face the demons of their own lives may just find it easier to take on a huge political battle. there is no risk really. hating obama or bush or immigrants or whatever...they can't fight back, they can't hurt you. there is so many others who hate as well and will bolster your anger and egg you on. i try to just stay out of it. it's clear their political views and honestly, they really have no interest in any sort of rational discussion to find out my views. any mention just ends up in a one sided tirade. is it because i'm the youngest, that my views have no validity?
who knows, i just know that it gets worse over time. there is passion and there is just angry aggression. i try to just block out posts or people who can't seem to control the facebook tirades. i really don't like to argue. was laughing with a friend at the dog park, we are both single and i mentioned that i think being single is oftentimes the big secret that nobody wants to tell you. i haven't had to argue for years. when disputes do happen with friends though i know i probably get more upset due to the fact that i just don't have to deal with anger and fights much in my life.
thought these buoys were cool in black and white. colour really just didn't do anything for them.
the summer is rapidly turning to fall it seems. have been seeing leaves begin to change colours and fall. it was blustery last night, that chill of fall. tonight i pulled out a sweater to wear out to dinner, everyone commented on it.
may have to pack the car and take a drive out to follow fall and make it longer. i've had some wonderful treks this summer. i'm not quite ready for it to be over yet. there is still fall though so hopefully i can get some more camping trips in with the dogs.
hit the dog park a few times this week and the bog. the bug count is down though the yellow jackets are still out there. we've had some sun and some rain. love rain when i'm trying to sleep. makes for a much better rest. my body totally wants to get out there and enjoy sun if it's out.
we did have sunny weather that last day in dillingham. it was very relaxing for me to not have plans. i would love to get out to wood-tikchik state park one of these days. i keep trying to add it to these round island treks but that island is enough for one adventure.
my brain is trying to think of where to go next year. may need to try for something international again in the next few years. iceland? galapago's? so many amazing places on this earth. i'm so grateful to be able to enjoy what i can. grateful to have the health to get out there as well. my work is a constant reminder of how blessed i am.
also a reminder that i should get an official will written to cover the basics. just in case. i know that really all this crap doesn't matter and when i'm dead it's distribution is a moot point, but still there are some things that i'd like to make sure get to the right hands and the pets should be provided for. no plans of dying anytime soon, at least i hope not, but life is pretty fleeting and you are healthy one day and battling for your life the next.
this little playground was near the water on the other side of the harbor.
i didn't take a ride.
watched these guys for a bit. always teeming with fishermen.
have always enjoyed wandering around harbors. water and boats. too cool.
the boat below is the "lucky bear". i have been on this boat before.
we took the lucky bear out to round island back in 2003. captain pete andrews took us out. it was an 8 hour ride out to round island from dillingham. we actually did it twice as the waters were rough. of course, i don't remember them being as rough as our trek back this trip, but it is a bigger boat. admittedly, it really didn't look as large as my brain seemed to remember it being. the boats just seem to get smaller as the sea's get larger though.
a nicely placed wheelbarrow!
a few more shots, back in town.
found a small beach. nobody out sunbathing. i'm sure there are several other places tucked away that the locals know to head to. this one was accessible to the main roads we were wandering.

a different perspective.
we ate at the bear tooth tonight. always easy and decent food. no movie tonight. just saying goodbyes to a friend who is leaving alaska...again. they tried before, but came back. this place does get in your blood. i think this time they won't be returning unless to visit.
i'm not ready to leave, perhaps one day i'll change my mind. who knows. for now it's home.
the weather is cooler, but it's nice to be on beaches like this and not have swarms of sunbathers and noise.
i like the peace.
took a short stroll through a small cemetary.
the light was nice.
gotta get a dillingham boat in here.
should have taken more black and whites.
lastly, a few from the flight back to anchorage.
the one volcano out there is augustine.
i believe the one above is iliamna. below you can see both augustine and iliamna.
below is redoubt, which looks to be smoking a wee bit.
it was a beautiful and uneventful flight home. guess i may have to grab a snack and head to bed to read for a few before passing out. don't think it will take long. i love taco's but sometimes they don't last long enough.

No comments:

Post a Comment