Saturday, August 25, 2012

mushrooms...and a feeling of fall.

i'm not against fall. it's a favorite time of year for me. seasons...fall, winter, summer, spring, breakup. that is the order. summer is great and beautiful and i do some fabulous trips. the things i don't like about summer are that there are bugs and bears. the bugs just bug me and the bears make me a wee bit nervous and as a bit of an introvert i'm kinda forced to walk with other humans more often. not that i don't like other humans it's just that i find they are not always available at the times i want to walk or able to go where i want to walk. it just puts a crimp in my walking style. you can't totally relax in the woods, especially when you are out there on your own in the summers. there is just that stress. it's best to walk with others, but others aren't always available. days like today, i just opt to take the risk and walk alone.
there has been that chill in the air that tells me it's nearly fall. the mushrooms are exploding, people are picking berries, the darkness is coming. tonight i lit a fire in the fireplace. still hoping to pack up the car and take a little drive tomorrow. hopefully i don't leave too late. haven't gotten much accomplished today. have felt tonight like i have a bit of a flu bug. took a nap after the walk as i just felt wiped out and woke up feeling like crap. we'll see what tomorrow brings.
not sure i always speak openly on here. there are restrictions to blogging no matter how much you try. i'd rather not hurt feelings, but then people need to realize it's just a blog and i'm often just participating in a flight of idea's to clear my head. i'm a ruminator and i have to have a way to clear my head. in conflicts i do prefer to just say my peace, have the discussion and move on, sadly, that isn't always possible with every person. sometimes you have to let stuff go, let people go and let the chips fall where they may. i don't have tons of close friends, but the friends i do have i hold dearly so it's internally traumatic for me when a friendship has run it's course and seems to come to the end of it's shelf life.
it's not a matter of fault though i'm sure i've put some blame out there. sometimes, even as friendships go that dating analogy holds true, "he's just not that into you". sensitivities and hurt feelings happen. for me there just came that time when the scales tipped, i'm willing to let the small shit go, but too much small shit adds up. i am not perfect, but i don't believe it's always my fault either and i am not one to just pretend conflict never happened and sweep it under the carpet. a friendship should bring you comfort, mutual respect, fun and positive feedback. things change, people change, situations change.
i'm not the easiest person to understand or to be around i suppose. i see myself as an acquired taste. seems like most people like me more when they have gotten to know me. i'm realistic enough to know though that i will not be loved by all...though it's really just shocking to me. haha. happily, the dogs always love me. thank god for dogs. the animals always accept you for who you are. are always happy to see you, never judge you, never disappoint you, never tell you half truths or manipulate you. well, they may manipulate you a bit, they are awful cute and i swear they use that cuteness to their advantage.
a negative spirit is best avoided. i never was a gossipy kind of person. i'm as interested as the next guy in what strange things the other humans do and why, but after i have news i don't feel any urge to spread it around to others, i just find it a fascinating study of human nature. curiosity is all it is. everyone is curious. i'm sure at least 80% of my facebook "friends" are just curious. people from high school or from years gone by, many who i used to know from church days. i think they just get curious. not sure why. to me my life is pretty simple.
not sure how i feel about the republican presidential candidate. i try to avoid politics. it was discussed so heatedly for most of my life growing up that i just have grown weary of the battle. i was raised in a republican family and when i first registered to vote it was as a republican. i have since moved over to being non affiliated. i just can never seem to back anyone enough to feel the confidence to totally commit. have never put a candidates bumper sticker on my car. always funny to me that the religious right seems to be so hateful towards the poor and weak in our society. seems so off from what jesus taught. i can't totally relate to the extremists on either end that have taken over both parties. i'm more liberal than conservative though. more environmental than not.
standing around in the wee hours the other night, a co-worker said he didn't understand how people were nervous about voting for obama because they think he's a secret muslim but not nervous about voting for a mormon. he mentioned that the mormons totally altered the scriptures. it is true that at some point in my youth the mormons came out with a remake of the bible. it was tweaked. he found this very disturbing. i kept pretty quiet, but i have wondered if one should be nervous about a candidate who's belief system promises the males that they may become gods over their own worlds with multiple wives if they live righteously on this earth. i'm not worried about obama turning us into a muslim state nor am i too worried about romney forcing mormonism on us all. our presidents have less power than people think. it's dispersed. this is why changes take so long, a lot of check and balances in place. those who thought our nation would end when obama took over have been proven wrong.
love all the various mushrooms and lichens out in the woods. they fascinate me.
it's the little things like lichens and mushrooms that make me think there must be some higher power. that we have a huge responsibility to care for the environement. i'm not one to commit to a higher power either though. i believe in the big picture for me, it doesn't really matter. if there is a higher power and there is some judgement at the end of this life it will come down to your actions and thoughts. if you were good to others, kind hearted, generous you will not be judged harshly for your foibles not matter what "religion". the last time i entered an actual church i felt an anxiety attack coming on, i bolted and ran for the woods. ever since then i see nature as my religion, it's where i find peace and get fulfilled. i doubt any god really cares where you sit your arse down on sunday morning. i suspect it will matter more how you cared for those weaker than yourself and if you were a steward of the earth and all that you share it with.
the diversity is key. if earth was just for the use of man why make such diversity. why not just mushroom, one butterfly, one bird, one cow, one type of grass? if the beauty of diversity didn't matter the earth would be practical and dull. some people are practical and dull.
mostly i think people are ruled by their fears. i used to wonder why i left the church when other family members and friends seemed to want to leave and didn't. ultimately, i decided i just had the guts to make the change. the further immersed you are in any religion though the harder it is to leave. i left before i'd married, had kids, gone on a mission, gone to the temple. it just made it less of an ordeal. it has impacted my life though, and always will.
was thinking about this with marriage. a co-worker recently got married. she is about my age. one day as people spoke of it one person quipped, "i don't know why she bothered to get married"...i guess due to her age. for me, if people want to get married and make that commitment then why should anyone else care. if you are 80 and you finally meet that person, why should you not be allowed to celebrate. there are some who have married repeatedly and seem to believe that they should celebrate each time. why should someone have less because they didn't marry the wrong person before.
i don't really think weddings should be the huge events, but then as i thought of that the other day i think for me it was different. if i got married and i wasn't getting married in the mormon church, in the temple, it would be a celebration with some pity mixed in. who needs that! frequently mormon weddings, especially when i was younger were no spectacular event to look forward to either. no walk down the aisle, no flower girl or ring bearer, just a dull reception with cheap decorations in a basketball court. i never saw any of my siblings marry. they got married in the temple and though at the time i was a worthy member of the church i wasn't of age or hadn't gone through the temple so i wasn't allowed to participate. i knew when i left a wedding wasn't going to be some joyous celebration that i see in other families. i knew if i met someone it would be best to just have a simple ceremony on some beach or mountain somewhere. my family probably wouldn't be there.
i mostly ignore the coverage of the campaign trails, but nobody could ignore the ignorance of missouri republican akin. we were discussing that at work the other night as well. he apparently is under the impression that in a real rape a woman can't get pregnant as our bodies somehow distinguish a hostile invasion and prevent pregnancy. wow!! really not much else to say about that.
blossom enjoyed her day out there. today we braved the trails in north bivouac. the bugs get thick here in the summers as do the bears so i haven't been out there for several months. there were still some bugs and i know i was stung a few times. also saw a few bear scats, but no bears. we did have a few horse sightings. i think one group was a group on a tour and the other was just a smaller local group. blossom gets a bit nervous of them. not sure what she thinks of them. i suspect she see's them as funny looking moose and having been chased a few times by moose she isn't wanting to risk that from these large, funny beasts. rio is just as curious of these as she is of the moose. the local group seemed super nice and in retrospect i was thinking i should have taken the opportunity to let rio do a meet and greet. i always just pull over off the trail. the last thing i'd want to do is spook a horse and cause someone to be thrown off and injured.
liked this mushroom with blossom in the background. she eventually returned to me and knocked this shroom over. she does that. the brightly coloured ones are generally poisonous. i think mostly, you'd have to eat quite a bit to get really sick, but i've never been tempted and neither have the dogs.
was awakened today by a roof crew working across the street. watched those guys work for a bit. they were running around on that roof hammering and dancing away without any ropes. fun to watch, but i kept waiting for someone to drop off the roof. i'm a little jealous as i'd really love to get my roof done. it's getting to that point. it's a spendy thing though. it's best too if you can get your connected neighbor to go for it at the same time and mine is a single mom who will have both kids in the university for the next several years. i doubt she'll be interested.
walked in the bog yesterday. so much less lazy this week.
the day before that i was joined by amy. she's only got like 9 weeks left on her pregnancy so moving a bit slower these days. i took rio and my camera, figured that would slow me down and allow her breaks.
we have lost blossoms tennis balls the last few treks out in the woods. at campbell airstrip i tossed the ball out to the creek but i hit a branch way up high and it caused the ball to head a different direction. was able to get her onto the path, but the current was too fast and off it went. today, the tennis ball was no longer intact. chew up tennis balls do not fare well in even small bodies of another remnant is lost. she was pretty bummed the rest of todays walk. oh well. she seems tuckered out enough.
pleasant nights at work these past few, now i have a stretch off. always nice.
there is amy, waddling back towards the car. everyone is different in their pregnancy experience. for her it seems to be an alien invasion, she seems fascinated by all the changes her body is going through, for others you would never know they were pregnant at all except that they get big bellies. i need to get to the store and find a cute fabric to make a baby blanket for her.
a poisonous mushroom. in nature things that are bright and showy are usually bad for you...i find the same can be true with humans as well.
some newbie to alaska got off the ferry in whittier and followed his cars gps right into the water. he and his dogs were pulled out alive but a cat was lost. so strange? how did this happen? why would you continue driving down a ramp into a body of water and not begin to question the gps?
another alaskan ferry story...a woman was traveling from metlakatla to ketchikan and had 53 cats in her car. she was met in ketchikan by police and animal control and the cats were taken. my first thought was what kind of car was she driving that would hold 53 cats? she caught the ferry on down into canada without her cats and could be fined over $10,000. love strange news stories such as much better than the usual politic crap.
i probably should have gotten my big camera out today with the macro lens but i was in a sort of lazy, sleepy mode. trying to focus with two dogs in tow takes added energy.
hoping i feel better tomorrow and get on the road for some possible fall exploration. if i head north fall is already in full swing no doubt. the trees are changing here fast as well.
will need to get furnace checked for the year. was thinking of getting the ducts cleaned this year as well. i've already started paying a bit extra each month to the heating bill to prepare for bigger bills of winter.
rio enjoys the creek at the other end of the airstrip at campbell.
it was a beautiful day out there.
amy works on dog training with treats for all. blossom and rio love dog training..well at least the treat part!
that nap has me off schedule. i am getting sleepy though.
blossom relaxes in the grass.
another perfect alaskan day.
off to bed for this blogger. still have some of this mornings paper to read.

1 comment:

  1. For some reason g-mail won't let me sign in, so here I am anonymous again,you don't have to eat much of the amanita mushroom, the big flashy red ones to get very sick or even die,
    I love your blog, I wish at times I could write my thoughts down but even my ramblings sound off to me,I guess we all have to have differing talents, otherwise the world would be a stagnant place, mine is in mindless knitting etc. Have a great day, Karen and I certainly had a fun stretch off, the cranes were the crowning glory,
    Katie H

    Katie H