Sunday, January 24, 2016

Melancholy kind of day...

 got sleep, got out...but some days you just don't feel the world loves you. you feel alone...surrounded by humans but still not a part of it all.
these moose were crossing's winter you start to see more and more moose this time of year.  the more snow on the mountains the more moose
 my plan was to head to Portage.  i stopped at Potters Marsh and Blossom and i wandered the marsh a bit.  always fun to be places in winter that you can't be in the summers.
 this guy was flying around just above the marsh.
 as i headed towards Portage the weather got crappy.  the wind was kicking it up and there was rain/slush coming down.  the idea of walking in that slop was not all that appealing so i headed back to Anchorage.
 We pulled into a trail head and did the homestead to cut through to Moose Meadow and back to homestead via Viewpoint i think it's called.  just over 3 miles.  didn't make it to the gym today.  did get my minimum 3 days at the gym in though so i am good with week three of my exercise plan!!  Go Me!!
 only one day did i miss the 10,000 step minimum and most days i was well over.  i think my average was still over 11,000 steps/day.
 saw some friends on the trail and another friend texted me...otherwise i was in a humanless time warp.  living alone can be like that some days.
 probably one of the many reasons i blog.  when you live alone all that stuff you would normally just chat with whoever you live with or spend time's all trapped inside your brain.  i have to get it out some how.  have to feel heard.  i think you'd go nuts if you never felt heard.  at least i would.  so i blog.  it's not the same as a conversation but i can go to bed feeling like i have spoken and it's out there waiting to be heard.
 often in life i've had like a consistent and solid walking mate.  these past few years it's been mostly me with an occasional person joining me for a walk.  i miss having a bestie...don't get me wrong i have a lot of good's just that i miss having a more consistent friend.  someone who checks in almost daily...
 i suppose we all want people who want to be around us, who we can laugh with and make fun of politics and religion and news and social stuff without feeling we have to watch our words.  safe...
 most days being alone or's not an issue, but some days it does weigh in on you.
 i know though that it would be much worse to be surrounded by people and feel this way. i've been there before as well.  being surrounded by people yet still feeling like you aren't a part of it all.  like you just don't fit or belong.
 i think we all know people as well who are in relationships that are not fulfilling.  where you just live in the same space but live totally different lives.  having no idea how to bring those lives back together how they once were.
 miss that big sweet pup as well.  she was my couch snuggle beast.  the couch has a lot more room on it, but i never minded sharing it with her.  Pogi was quietly snoring today, but his snore is pretty quiet compared to that of Rio Catalina.  haha.
 after my walk i decided to head over to watch the sunset back at Potters Marsh.
 it looked like it may be worth it...i think it was.
 got a few pesky canker sores.  those can drive you nuts.  painful buggers.  still managed to eat some taco's.  i'm always a fan of taco's.  i really need to do some early spring cleaning this stretch off.  time to get the paper shredder out and go to town with it.  crap just collects in houses.  the clutter starts to make you nuts.  some days i'll just start feels great after a good cleaning.

 this is the old snow blower for the rails.  pretty massive.  i'm sure more than one moose got taken out.
 that thing would be pretty crazy coming at you i would think.
 i pulled up and got out of my car to check out the sunset.  this guy had been sitting in his car when i pulled in.  as soon as i started taking a few pictures he jumped out of his car with his camera and tripod....felt like he wanted to make sure and get himself all set up for the best shots.
 i'm just having need for him to panic and get all competitive with me.  plenty of room for everyone to take pictures out there. i was never very competitive and i get less and less so the older i get.  i really get annoyed by how competitive our culture is.  so many toppers out there or just people who have to make sure and let you know how so very cool they are.
 generally the cooler you think you are the less cool you really are.  as far as coolness goes it's probably something others are supposed to see you as not something you see yourself as.  am i cool?  i have no idea.
 perhaps i just don't mix well with the general public.  maybe everyone is just so cool and i am the fool to question their insight into their cool factor.
 awesome...the overused word.  heard that on that idiot tourist show.  the guy was in AK and not happy with trekking through deep snow.  it was pretty stupid that he was made to do that without the benefit of snowshoes. the guy from reality tv who was supposed to be his guide kept saying awesome...the idiot was annoyed and pointed out that we Americans think so many silly things are awesome...a word that should be saved for things that are truly awesome or awe inspiring.
 this cute dog  cut out was on the side of the train.
 tracks above and just part of the train below.
 still winter but the plants are preparing for spring anyway.  it will come again and the plants will be ready to explode.

 liked the train with the sunset behind it. probably should have gotten out my wider lens.  lazy...gets me everytime
 tomorrow is a new day.
 the sun sets and the sun rises and each day has new promise.  though melancholy today, tomorrow i probably won't be.  i will still walk and get to the gym.  the habits of life move you forward even on days when your heart doesn't wish to.  some days it's just so tempting to lay in bed and let the day pass by you...but you know you should get up and that you will feel better if you do.
 walking and writing...those are things that keep me grounded.  you have to find things that help you to cope on the days when you don't want to.
 so often at work i see that those who have no means of coping find their only means to be alcohol and drugs.  there are better ways. it's a reason i feel our schools should be teaching art, writing, music, sports...well rounded people not just educated.  educated and capable of coping with the trials of day to day life.
Grateful for: A.  the many ways i have of getting through lonely or difficult days B.  the animals, who are always there C.  blogging and walking and photography

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