Friday, September 16, 2016

couldn't stop shaking...

 went tonight to watch "sully" the movie.  i found myself trembling through the entire movie and then this continued on for a few hours after i got home.  above is on the Denali Hwy..below is phone pics.
 Blossom delays all walks with these antics
 several years back i was in a big jet that had landing gear issues.  we were told to "listen to your flight attendants and prepare for a crash landing".  these are not words one wants to hear out there.  i'm an anxious flyer anyway but this did take it to another level for me.  clearly, i'm still a bit touched over it all.  we landed in crash positions with the flight attendants calling, "brace, brace, brace, don't move" over and the time i began to believe it was really just a recording.  it wasn't.  just their training coming into play.
 the movie was really good, interesting to get some idea of how the days after went for a man who was by all accounts a hero...but not until after the investigation.  must have just been so stressful and strange to him to have those he came into contact with outside the investigation to be so grateful and treat him so different than those who were doing the investigation.
 tusker's swimming skills are improving.  so cute
 beautiful light today so we had both sunshine/rain and rainbows.
 our flight landed safey.  we were up in the air a good 45 min to an hour after being told of our crash landing scenario.  we  needed to circle to check what landing gear we had out.  we were never told what we did have.  this left me pondering all the potential scenarios.  landing gear not down, belly landing, landing gear down but not locked, or partially lowered landing gear.  i thought that would be the worst.  in the end i suspect it was down but not locking in properly.
 rain in sunshine and leftover flowers still in bloom
 the weather outside was -10 so there were the if we survive scenarios that went through my head and then the odd concern that rattled about my head that the gum i was chewing on would cause me to choke...that i'd survive the plane wreck to end up choking to death
 everyone was calm and quiet the whole time.  hauntingly quiet actually.  nobody wanted to speak it seems. looking back i believe it was too much to really deal with and i feel for myself i was in a bit of a calm shock.  freaking out came only the next day.  the same happened when that bear tried to get in my car with me sleeping in it.  i was oddly calm that day and it wasn't until a few days later that i just started to cry uncontrollably. actually called out sick.  i couldn't stop crying friends would say they were sorry i was sad.  i wasn't wasn't a cry of sadness, it was just how my body released all the stress that had been built up.
 we didn't actually crash. the pilot, like Sully, did great work and we actually had one of the smoothest commercial landings i have ever had.  he slowed the aircraft down as much as he could before we landed and no brakes were ever applied, we eased to a stop.
 i do remember as we walked off the plane past the pilot, he was jumping up and down elated...i'm sure i thanked him, but i think i remained in a state of shock at the whole event.
 saw this big dane in a car ahead of me.  small truck, big dog, it turned out to be one of my dane friends from the dog park.  we went there again today.  raining.  ran into these guys again.  Ivy Rose is addicted to Great Danes!! perhaps i should get a dane...don't worry. i'm pretty maxed out with 3 dogs.
 strides are being made with the family feline.  sniffs and licks.
 happy to have this stretch behind me.  that having only 1 day off was exhausting.  soon i'll be on every wed/thurs/fri and see how that goes.  puppy training classes start up over the next few weeks.  will try to focus on dog training more this fall/winter.
 we have new pumps and poles, at least in a few units.  just saw all the gear packed in and thought it made a cool photo op.
 worked ER one night and then back to ICU for a busy night.  work is always busy.  of late it is anyway.
 followed someone who didn't do all the little neurotic things most ICU nurses do and expect i had to double time it to get on top of all that, plus my patient was starting to "circle the drain" as we sometimes say.  it never stopped and my other patient was literally setting her phone alarm so she wouldn't miss any narcotic doses.  i suspected this...she is not the first patient to do this, but as i walked out it was confirmed.  i joked to a co-worker that i got the impression that she was setting her phone alarm and sure enough my co-worker confirmed it...that is dedicated drug addiction my friend...thought i suspect it's more common in hospitals than any of us know. God forbid you sleep through an as needed dose of a narcotic.
 i learned long ago that issues such as drug addiction and alcoholism will not be altered by a nurse on a mission.  unless folks want to change, they won't so it's not worth having some sort of power struggle.  still it can be annoying to be the narc supplier.  we always want to do no harm and to help people become healthier.
 people often choose to not be healthy.  we can all make those choices.
 those nights can be frustrating and i've had a few of those this week.  drug pusher nights.  it's funny, at some point i started putting these little fentanyl stickers on my stethescope. to open the vial there is a wrap around sticker with the name on it.  my stethescope has quickly filled with these and pt's are starting to take notice of them.  it's just a small fraction of the drugs i give out.  we haven't done ourselves any favors in this society by having ridiculous expectations of zero pain . JAHCO has also made this worse by insisting nurses document a patients pain level every 1-2 hours.
 if you ask a drug addict if they are in pain they will always say yes, even if they can barely wake up.  the folks in the offices often are quite removed from the reality of life in the hospital.
 the pups are looking up towards the sound of a passing small plane...i feel much safer in small planes that jets...i realize that is not entirely rational as more small planes crash.  seems more of a chance of survival...besides terrorists don't target small planes in general and they aren't flying at 30,000-50,000 feet...i'm not keen on heights.
 guess i have an admirer at work.  i was totally busy at work last night. had to take a patient to the CT scan...that is a real bother for ICU nurses/staff.  it takes 40+ minutes to prep the patient to come/go to the CT scanner and can take literally 2-3 minutes to actually run the scan.  it's why most ICU nurses cringe at the idea of a road trip.
 the rest of these are from Denali Highway.
 i had Respiratory Therapy along to manage the vent and then we have hospital transporters who actually push the beds and assist with moving patient from bed to CT scanner and back.  i noticed the transport guy, who has to be close to 20 years younger than me, was hanging out next to me after the transport while i was busily charting.  he'd start a little chat, but i really was booking as morning was fast approaching and my list of tasks was still long.  eventually, he surprised me by asking for my number.  i was so surprised that i gave the guy my number and now i'm getting texts wishing me well.  asking how my day is going.
 flattering, yes, but also...potentially just another person who will be disappointed when they do not get the desired outcome. just when i think i'm invisible to the opposite sex...
 finally saw a few small signs for the POTUS election.  a first.  it's a rare person in this election that feels so excited about either of these candidates.  Bernie was on a late night talk show tonight. still a fan of his.  unlike some candidates that seem to just like to hear themselves talk, when Bernie talks it's at least intellectual discussions rather than meandering banter.
 Clinton apparently has walking pneumonia..i've had that before and you do feel like crap.  had no idea a thing such as that makes one unfit for Presidency.  such an odd conversation of late about who is healthier and therefore more capable of being in office. health can be relative.  a few past Presidents have had some pretty serious health issues that did not impact their intellectual or decision making capacities.
 did make me think's so sexist.  if a man were ill with Pneumonia would it be more of a thing to pity where as if a woman has it, it becomes a sign of weakness.  she will be somehow more frail and unable to care for herself.  just annoying.
 there was some conversation i heard on a broadcast during the olympics about how the media speaks of the women athletes as compared to the male athletes...often referring to them as girls vs men.  when you listen to the broadcasters there is that always.  one female athletes spouse was praised for being supportive and taking a larger role in the couples childcare...the male athletes partners are not praised for taking on more parenting roles so their partners could train. can change in literally a heart beat.  they can both say they are totally healthy but...either one could drop dead from a heart attack or stroke tomorrow.  either one could have cancer cells taking off in an organ , either one could get into a car wreck or any number of things.  it's just a ridiculous conversation to be having . nobody much cared that VP Cheney had a super diseased heart.  he's still alive despite his failing cardiac health...and was during 8 years as VP.  not that i was a fan. people can live a long time...working ICU i know that better than most.  people can also have a sudden loss of life.
 it's about the economy stupid...isn't that what they used to say about elections.  the media now use smoke screens to seemingly blind everyone to the facts...probably that both parties are not doing their jobs and that the media also isn't covering fairly.  much of media is opinion rather than facts anymore anyway.
 always love the reflections
 slipped briefly into politics.  it's hard not's everywhere.
 the pups are crashed right now.  that dog park really beats them down. haha.

 the light was really beautiful as i was getting closer to the Cantwell side.
 the sky opened up and the glacier spilled out
 would like to see that Snowden movie as well.  seems a few good ones coming out.

 the pups in the car...first big road trip

 little island in the river

 sometimes i have to take it in color and black and white and can't decide which i like best...which do you like better above or below?
 loved the light on these next few

 guess i shall head to bed.  must decide if i will pick up a train ticket for day trip. i think i'll kick myself if i don't though.
thankful for:  A.  dog parks...they rock  B.  snuggle time with the furs...sometimes you just need some love!!  C. that we don't live forever...can you imagine how annoyed we'd all get!!

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